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Why Women Have One Night Stands

This is a question science has been trying to tackle recently, with some mixed results. It’s a valid question: when women have so much more risk, biologically and socially, why are they still drawn to have one night stands with guys? One would think it’s in her evolutionary interests to force a man to commit in any circumstance, so why does she skirt the system so often? Studies have shown that the majority of women will have at least one night stand in their life, while a minority will have many. Why?

A new study came out recently, claiming the obvious saying that both women AND men are motivated to have sex for pleasure’s sake:

Her research suggests women, like men, are motivated by pleasure-seeking when they enter the sexual arena. It’s just that women are less likely to be satisfied by a short-term encounter, and they know it.

File this under “shit we already know.” It blows my mind that researchers actually receive grants to study these kinds of things sometimes, especially when they use such rigorous methods such as the following:

In an attempt to learn if gender differences toward casual sex can be eliminated, Conley conducted yet another variation on the basic “Will you go to bed with me?” experiment. Only in this case, the scenario featured one very attractive and one unattractive suitor: Depp and Donald Trump for women, Angelina Jolie and Roseanne Barr for men.

The result: Women were just as likely as men to agree to have sex with the attractive celebrity. They were also “about equally likely” to reject the offer from the unattractive but famous individual.

So wait, you mean you sat a bunch of women and asked them if they’d have sex with Johnny Depp? And they said yes?!?! Really? I’m sorry… but it’s bad enough that they’re conducting psychological research based on overly-simplified hypothetical situations, but this hypothetical?

The funny thing is, I’m willing to bet — and there’s no actual way to find this out — that if you actually put these same women in a situation where they COULD have sex with Johnny Depp for 30 minutes if they wanted to, that many of them actually wouldn’t go through with it. The truth is that a woman’s disposition towards having a one night stand depends on a lot of external factors as well as internal ones, factors this study does not control for in the least.

But ultimately, it does arrive at a somewhat accurate conclusion:

Still, it’s fascinating that when you remove that variable and give women the option of a casual encounter that is likely to be both safe and pleasurable, they are just as receptive as men. This research, Conley concludes, “suggests that women are more similar to men in their reactions to casual sex than would have initially been expected.”

That women find casual sex just as pleasurable as men do, their hold up isn’t the men per se, it’s that they need to feel more comfortable, secure and safe before they take part. Or as the study says, women are “more receptive, when they are with partners they know and trust.”

It seems the old adage that “the game is played in comfort” holds true… that getting her attracted to you isn’t the battle as much as keeping her attracted while you make her feel comfortable and safe with you.

Another reason women have one night stands is the same reason as men: they want to feel validated and wanted. The irony here is that a different study (this one based on actual experiences) found that men typically lower their standards with women they’re willing to have a one night stand with, whereas women raise them.

So while the girl is feeling validated by the fact you took her home, you know in the back of your mind that you wouldn’t date her in a million years. This also explains why girls with low self-esteem are far easier to lay.

Ultimately, women do have one night stands for the same reasons that men do: because sex is exciting and fun, and to feel better about themselves. And, I imagine, because they just get horny some times (like when they’re ovulating). The difference is in the criteria that must be met for them to go home with a guy. Whereas guys drop the standards a bit, women raise them, mostly for security reasons.

Related posts:

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  2. In Defense of The Pick Up Artists
  3. Fat Men Last Longer In Bed
  4. Casual Sex Can Lead to Love
  5. Science of the Direct Approach

11 comments to Why Women Have One Night Stands

  • I know better

    ONS has the lowest chance of female orgasm of all the heterosexual couplings. Men and women don’t have sex.. this includes 1 night stands… for the same reasons. Women are motivated to engage in ONS sexual activity for a variety of motivations that men do not.

  • Doug1

    Whereas guys drop the standards a bit, women raise them, mostly for security reasons.

    I doubt if it’s mostly for security reasons. Yeah she has to feel secure you’re not some psycho. She also doesn’t want to look like a slut in front of her friends, so you have to isolate her from them. Logistics.

    But she also has to feel mad attracted to you as you’re game seducing her. You also can’t loose momentum while you’re really escalating. Logistics again.

    • Mark

      I think the previous commenter nailed it… ONS sex is less likely to be pleasurable for a woman, therefore she raises her standards on how attracted she needs to be to you.

  • Wouldn’t mind hearing what women say about this, assuming they have enough anonymity to speak frankly. What about a PP-Up radio show or podcast..? ; )

    Living in Prague, I also wonder what the commentators would say about the paradox of women being quite free to sleep around here, yet with less attention paid to safe sex than in other countries.

  • Marcus

    From an evolutionary point of view I believe women have ONS to get pregnant with a hot guy (good genes – the typ of guy women are attracted to when they are ovulating) and let the children being raised by a provider man (the typ of guy women are attracted to when they are not ovulating, good chances that the children survive?!).

    I guess the attraction thing is mentioned here: http://videolectures.net/yalepsyc110s07_bloom_lec14/

  • Dangles

    I thought women had one night stands because I was awesome?

  • Leo

    “That women find casual sex just as pleasurable as men do, their hold up isn’t the men per se, it’s that they need to feel more comfortable, secure and safe before they take part. Or as the study says, women are “more receptive, when they are with partners they know and trust.”

    Really? No way! Hahahaha!

  • Dave

    It makes sense that ONS are less satisfying for women. They don’t cum as easily as men; it sometimes takes a bit of effort on the guy’s part to make the girl orgasm. For example, it took several times for me to learn what worked best for my last girlfriend, and several weeks even months to really get it tuned in. Plus add to the fact that the guy may likely not give a shit whether the girl cums on a ONS. Poor girls!

    • Hi

      Um. I’m a woman who enjoys having casual sex and its because I just want to have fun cause sex is fun. I don’t really care about you. I just want to sit on that dick cause your a tool and thats what tools are for

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