I got a little bit carried away on the forum tonight in a thread on “inner game.” The more I learn and understand about psychology, the more I realize how horribly “inner game” has been short-changed in this industry and… well, I kind of got on a roll. I’ll post my two replies unedited below. If you’re interested in context you can find the original thread here.
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[First Reply]
I won’t get into it right now because I’d like to develop a very serious Inner Game-type program next year based on psychological research as well as theory… but I’ll make a couple points:
1. Anxiety is never reduced, only adapted. This is subtle and nitpicky, but I think a lot of us guys with massive anxiety are mislead by the “reduce your anxiety” angle. I know I was.
2. There is a “confidence threshold” where basically anyone below that threshold in confidence will actually be worse off and lose self-esteem when faced with certain degrees or frequencies of rejection.
3. One thing that I believe strongly that no other pick up company presents is that inner game isn’t an amorphous bunch of ideas, but an actual cause/effect chain of internal mechanisms.
Awareness -> Emotions -> Beliefs -> Perceptions -> Confidence -> Behavior -> Experience.
The glaring problem of all “inner game” material out there is that it doesn’t address or train people through this chain of mechanisms. For example, telling a guy like Pedals2Medals over and over that Indian men can be attractive and that it’s a shitty belief to believe otherwise is pointless until you train him to have the proper awareness to recognize how his emotional processes lead him to that belief. This is why therapy is great for guys like him, because therapy hammers on Awareness and Emotions. This is why eastern spirituality often crosses over into Self Help, because eastern spirituality hammers on Awareness, which then often (but not always) leads to beneficial changes down the line.
I think these things should all consciously be developed, in order.
I think the biggest problem with current “inner game” material and even most self help is that it’s not presented in a usable format. It’s stuff like The Blueprint where Tyler just rambles on and on about all of these things for 20 hours without ever putting them in order and explaining how they all affect one another or how they should be pursued.
Anyway… VERY excited to get more into this type of stuff…
EDIT: I said I wasn’t “going to get into it” and here I just wrote a page. Typical…
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[Second Reply]
Re: Anxiety. The science shows that the physiological responses to anxiety never become much less in someone, even despite desensitization. What changes is the person’s sub-conscious and conscious interpretations of those changes.
So for instance, Michael Jordan was nervous as hell for every game-winning shot he took. Just as nervous as the biggest choke-artist in sports. Physiologically, their responses are identical. What was different about Jordan was that his mental machinery processed his anxiety extremely well. Others aren’t as lucky (or disciplined… or both). Learning to channel anxiety well happens by building confidence, which is a whole conundrum unto itself.
Someone who harnesses anxiety successfully will feel a surge of adrenaline and excitement. Someone who doesn’t will feel stifled, paralyzed and afraid (obviously).
Re: people not handling rejection. Excessive anxiety comes from trauma early in our lives. The earlier and more severe the trauma, the more stifling the anxiety. The idea with getting blown out a bunch and “getting used to” rejection is that you feel the pain and realize it isn’t that bad. Well, there are some people where it REALLY IS that bad. And therefore it leaves them worse off than when they started. These are extreme cases. Although, generally, the more anxiety one has, the worse they’ll be at handling rejection (predictably).
Unfortunately, these traumas “imprinted” themselves onto our psyche’s and removing them completely is more or less impossible. Or at least, no one has figured out how yet. Rather, the goal is to become aware of them, and process them effectively, and build better emotional habits on top of them.
What crazyhorse experienced is exactly correct and typical for someone who “re-wires” themselves to handle their anxiety effectively… I still feel my approach anxiety and my sexual anxiety when I’m in a club or in bed with a girl. It’s just that my experience and confidence allow me to behave differently now. Whereas my anxiety used to overwhelm me, now it’s subtle. It used to scream in my ear, now it’s like obnoxious background noise. Noticeable, but not interfering with what I want to do. I’ve built newer, positive habits on top of my old negative ones. But the old negative ones are still down there. If you really pay attention, you’ll feel this too.
In pick up, the analogy often used up until this point with anxiety has always been something like weightlifting. You get in the gym and work on it until you build up to it over time. 100 approaches destroys approach anxiety better than 50 approaches which is better than 10 approaches. The reality is that some guys largely “overcome” their AA within 10-20 approaches. And some guys still struggle with it after going out and approaching for years and years.
A better analogy is probably something like dyslexia. If you’ve got it, you’re hosed. It never goes away. All you can do is train your mind over time to work around it or build habits over it. That’s the best you can do.
So in a way, you could say that most of us are here because we’re emotionally-handicapped in some way. But then again, I’ve been saying that for years. 
Related posts:
“Awareness -> Emotions -> Beliefs -> Perceptions -> Confidence -> Behavior -> Experience.”
I really like this. But don’t get fixated on this process in the order it’s in. This is a good general outline of the process, but it may be fluid in context for some individuals.
“the goal is to become aware of them, and process them effectively, and build better emotional habits on top of them.”
There are actually two models in psychotherapy that describe this that might simplify it:
1. Exploration -> Insight -> Change
2. Exploration -> Change -> Insight
Exploration serves as a discussion between the helper and client to explore the thoughts, feelings, history, etc… of ‘the problem’.
Some people need insight – or ‘a-ha moments’ – before they can clue in as to how to change their behaviors and thinking in the best way for themselves. And some other people need to experience a change first (eg: go approach 10 women) before they can gain any insight.
Of all the resources this industry could offer, I think direct personal coaching is the best one (you know, since it’s personal). I don’t know how closely coaches follow therapeutic models like the above, but I think they should if they want to be effective.
Sounds like you’re on to some good ideas.
“Anxiety is never reduced, only adapted. This is subtle and nitpicky, but I think a lot of us guys with massive anxiety are mislead by the “reduce your anxiety” angle. I know I was.”
I’m not sure if I fully agree with this concept. Many times with approach anxiety I think to myself “Do it, stop being such a p***y”. I usually get stuck in my head and it makes the initial anxiety worse. Instead when I take a breath, calm myself and think “just go talk with her” it doesn’t seem like such a hard task. I’m not sure if this mindset works because I stop future projecting or if telling myself “to just do it” adds pressure to the interaction. Either way thinking this way seems to help my anxiety whether it’s considered reducing or adapting anxiety.
It’s not something to be agreed or disagreed with really. It’s just what happens.
The reason the difference is important isn’t so much in the moment, it’s a long-term thing. A lot of guys go out one weekend, approach 20 times, then go out the next weekend and are discouraged when the anxiety is still there, just as strong.
Changing the focus away from “getting rid” of anxiety through pure quantity of interaction and instead focusing on getting rid of it through building mental habits (like you did), is more useful.
“It’s not something to be agreed or disagreed with really. It’s just what happens”. If you think that the statement is so apparently true that it’s beyond discussion, then there must be solid clinical research to back it up. Got any references so that we can confirm this?
Interesting!
If memory serves me well, by mentioning Tyler and The Blueprint, you were mentioning another PU company by name for the first time in a negative context (let’s not mention Gunwitch here, ha ha..).
I do, in some way, get your point there – the link which is not fully developed by RSD (yet) is how to bridge the gap between chode state of mind and the desired state of inner game by concious and active action. However, content like Ozzie’s “Fear Technology” or advice on what to do to get into state are pointing in the right direction. My main point being RSD is an important (IMO, at the moment the most important) source for pushing PU content into new and better directions. Let me exaggerate a bit when I say without RSD we would still be clinging onto DHV stories and talking to girls over our shoulders (in fact, where I game, people seem to be stuck in 2005, “You have to put down a false time constraint!” and “Direct doesn’t work!” are both quotes from my wing from last night; you see what I’m working with here, ha ha…).
Then, again, Mystery also provided a huge stepping stone within this development some time earlier.
Just had to make a point for RSD here, as their content is extremely valuable, The Blueprint is important, and you usually don’t mention any PU companies by name when writing negatively about them.
That being said, I hope you will provide some next level of development here – I think you definitely got the potential to do so!
It’s evolution, baby!
Cheers!
They’re mentioned by name because there was another thread on the forum in which The Blueprint was discussed (and criticized).
I’ll agree with you that they’re better than the stuff being used in 2005. But they’re no where near where we need to be.
And yes, the next level is what I’m always shooting for… Thanks for the comment.
Just read up on the RSD/ Tyler threads in your forum – now I know where you guys are coming from, ha ha…
I think Mark’s board is made up of a lot of people who would like to like RSD but also notice the problems with it.
I think there is something to be said for giving guys credit for moving the ball forward, even if there are obvious problems with where they got to. That goes for both Mystery and TD, although to TD’s credit it seems like he’s still trying to improve his method and teaching, whereas Mystery sort of got stuck at a certain point. Of course, that’s natural for any business – when you get success doing things a certain way, the natural way to respond is to defend your territory against any disruptions.
One guy who does not get nearly enough credit for evolving and pushing his advice further is David DeAngelo. His final seminar “Man Transformation,” is excellent and probably the most well-researched seminar in the industry. Blows Blueprint away IMO…
Have you seen the promotion he made for that program?
It was like,”yeah all things I taught you work well ,at usual women,but this is a program made for the “REAL 10s”.
Not to comment about the guests in this program.
What you are describing sounds a lot like NLP. Ross Jeffries’ materials are based on that, and a lot of his more recent materials go into the kind of stuff you mentioned in this post. He has combined NLP and eastern stuff (Shinzen Young) in a very nice way.
Unfortunately, these traumas “imprinted” themselves onto our psyche’s and removing them completely is more or less impossible. Or at least, no one has figured out how yet.
Go ask the guy who runs http://www.personalpowermeditation.com
For an example, check out “The myth of Approach Anxiety” by RJ in Interesting Times Magazine issue 7.
http://interestingtimesmagazine.com/archive/IT07.pdf
Not trying to be a fanboy or anything, but I think he’s a lot better than he’s made out to be in The Game. His material from the last half decade or so is basically NLP+buddhism.
yea too bad he’s an angry and bitter old man