This is a background issue that has ended up popping up a lot over the last few years. In fact, whenever I do interviews with female interviewers, this topic somehow always comes up: that of the feminization of Western culture and its effects on men, women and relationships. It’s inevitably always the big thing that they agree with me on.
Here’s a funny video of comedian Bill Maher explaining the basic premise in a much more entertaining way than I could:
Here’s my official stance on the issue: legally, professionally and intellectually, women and men are equals and should be treated as equals. Socially and sexually, women and men are NOT equals and therefore should not be treated like equals. This is not an opinion, the differences are based on scientific facts and easily verifiable evidence.
The way men and women experience their sexuality, relationships and emotions are biologically different. Now, obviously, there are wide variances within the genders themselves, but this is besides the point.
Despite being capable and allowed to get ahead in the work force, women generally feel more stimulated and aroused in relationships where they’re dominated and subjugated by a man. Despite having the exact same political and legal rights as men, women tend to become attracted to men that they perceive to be of higher status and more capable than themselves. And despite being just as mentally capable as men, their needs for socializing and emotional connection greatly outweigh that of men.
These differences need to be noticed and honored by both sides, otherwise both sides end up suffering for it.
When modern feminism arose in the 1960′s and 1970′s, despite all of the great things they did for women’s rights and empowerment, there were two major ideological thrusts that have had a pernicious long-term effect on society as a whole. The first was that women and men need to be equal in EVERY WAY, whether it be the bedroom, the courtroom, the voting booth, or the strip club. The second was a reactionary attack on naturally masculine behavior as being anti-women or chauvinistic… you know, things like staring at a woman’s ass or being honest about your intention to have sex with her. These were suddenly seen as disgusting. And men who did them were reviled as pigs.
(I should note that feminism was a large and nuanced movement and I realize that not ALL parts of feminist literature prescribe the stuff above… I’m making a couple MASSIVE generalizations for the purposes of this article.)
As a result, along with more fathers being more absent the past few generations, men are growing up passive, submissive, reactive, and afraid of expressing their sexuality. This crops up in everything from sexual dysfunction, to feminizing behavior, to emotional co-dependence issues and so on. It also results in far fewer attractive men in the world.
This is why I think picking up girls in western countries is by far the easiest: you have absolutely no competition. Men are not aggressive in western countries. On the contrary, they are weak, emotionally fragile, and skirt around expressing their sexuality, trying to put themselves in situations where sexual contact “happens,” and preferably somewhere discrete so that no one else will find out.
On the other hand, women aren’t fairing much better. Growing up, they’re regularly encouraged to assert themselves, to prove that they’re just as good as the boys, and to practice self-respect and confidence by regularly rejecting the now frail and intimidated men who pursue her. She’s strong. She’s proud. And she’s completely miserable in her relationships because the only guys willing to put up with her over-compensating attitude are needy and helpless guys who will do anything for even a modicum of affection.
Speaking to female dating coaches is always an enlightening experience in a deja vu kind of way. What I mean is that the vast majority of issues I help men resolve stem deeply from a lack of masculinity, a lack of confidence and a lack of being assertive. Meanwhile, these female coaches almost always say that the majority of the issues they help women deal with relate to being too assertive, being too demanding, and basically steamrolling every guy who works up the courage to make an advance on her.
Most female clients of dating coaches tend to be highly intelligent, highly successful women. And this is no coincidence. These are the women who have demolished their femininity in order to get ahead in the workplace and in the world. And suddenly, with such professional prestige and such a demanding frame and overbearing confidence, they paint themselves into a corner where they either scare men away or become some entitled that any self-respecting and attractive man will move on. The only men they DO end up with are the ones who are willing to gut what’s left of their masculinity for just one sliver of cold, hard (and efficiently driven) affection from her.
This is the antithesis of attractive behavior. Literally. These women should be finding men who make HER want to gut her masculinity to be with him. A man so powerful and confident that she literally has no choice but to surrender emotionally to him.
Thankfully, there seems to be a minor cultural backlash of “masculinism” that’s slowly pervading the ether. The worst seems to be behind us. Movements such as the Pick Up Artist community, authers such as Warren Farrell, comedians such as Bill Maher, writers such as Tucker Max, television shows such as Californication — it slowly seems to be becoming cool to be a guy again.
I’ll close this out with a small story from David Duchovny, the lead role in the TV show “Californication” — a show loosely based on deceased writer Charles Bukowski, a chronic womanizer and all-around screw up. The show is racy and involves Duchovny having rampant amounts of casual sex with hot girls, usually for frivolous reasons, and almost always getting in some sort of trouble for it.
(I should note that the pick ups represented in “Californication” are infuriatingly inaccurate and should only be viewed for entertainment purposes. Anyway…)
In an interview, Duchovny was asked about what kind of reactions he gets from fans, particularly women, about his role as a total lush and womanizer in the show. And his answer was very surprising.
He said that while most younger viewers were guys, and guys who all thought it was really cool, he said that he’s found that a huge amount of elderly women love to watch the show. The interviewer couldn’t believe it and asked why. The answer makes sense. Duchovny said that he was in New York once and an old 60-something-year-old woman stopped him to tell him how much she loved the show and loved his character. He asked her the same question: “why?”
Her answer… “Men don’t act like men anymore.”