Ran into a thread on a message board recently that really pissed me off, so I decided to post about it.
Watch this video:
The thread asked what you would do in this guy’s shoes after the girl slapped him. To my chagrin an overhwelming amount of guys said they would have slapped her back, just as the guy did. Many comments included such poignant lines as “the bitch had it coming” and “women wield too much power.” Uhh… really?
The general air of the thread was that it was the guy’s responsibility to hit her back — to not hit her would be a form of “supplication” and he had to be “alpha.” Their exact words.
This is so much of what is wrong with the whole Pick Up Artist thing.
I’d like to preface this discussion by saying, the situation is completely different with men. If a man throws a punch at me, I give myself full liberty to lay him on his back. With men, it’s a question of self defense, and there’s not really a limit to the physicality I think you should be able to defend yourself with.
With women, it’s different for two reasons. The first is the practical: women are genetically smaller and weaker than men. If you’re a decent-sized guy, like this guy in the video, like I am, I don’t care what a girl does, it is going to take A LOT for her to hurt you and very little for you to hurt her.
The same way you don’t hit a child for being obnoxious, you don’t hit a woman for being a bitch either.
The other reason gets at the core point raised on the board: power. Who has the power in this situation?
Any guy who has any degree of confidence — and hopefully most of my readers — are well-aware of what we commonly refer to as “shit tests.” Basically, what we call “shit tests” are the conflicts in which women attack us, usually verbally and psychologically, to phase us. The whole evolutionary point of the female-to-male shit test is to phase the man, to find his pressure point, make him crumble. As most guys (hopefully) know, if the man remains composed and handles the woman’s objections (whether reasonable or not), he gains attraction.
You’re a man. You’re supposed to be a fucking rock that can weather any woman’s storm. That’s what attracts 80% of females and defines masculinity in 80% of males.
So let’s look at her slap in another light. Is the slap reasonable? We can’t tell for sure from the clip, but my guess is it’s not. Does the man face any real or significant danger from the woman? Absolutely not, you can tell immediately he could break her if he chose to. So why does he retaliate?
Easy. Anger. He’s been disrespected, so he attempts to use his brute force (unfair advantage) to impose respect on her.
I would argue that first of all, the fact he let’s a slap “disrespect” him makes him weak and “beta” (to use community terms) to begin with. The fact that he retaliates physically on a woman makes him even weaker and more “beta.” I believe the fact he begins CRYING when confronted by other guys only goes to prove this point.
So what’s the right response? Well, luckily I’ve approached thousands of women and have been slapped a handful of times by bitchy girls, so I can answer this from experience.
When a girl slaps me.
I look her in the eye.
Then I say something like, “THAT was mature.” If I haven’t known her long I tell her, “Wow, usually girls have to know me at least a month before they slap me.”
Utterly unphased. It tells her, “You can’t shake me.”
Not only that, but the self-control required not only to not retaliate, but to not even get angry. THAT’S power. She’s just unloaded one of her most extreme options in testing you, and you just take it… and laugh.
I’ll leave you with a classic movie character that many guys “model” in the community as THE most alpha dude around. Ask yourself, who’s the alpha male in this scene?
Update: Based on some comments, I want to clarify a couple points.
1. I’m NOT saying that women should go unpunished for out-of-line actions. I just generally see violence towards women as almost never appropriate. There are plenty of other ways to retaliate. With the exception of one girl, all of the other girls who slapped me, I dropped their asses on the spot for being bitches. I stand by my statement that in this particular situation the guy was in the wrong for hitting her. He had no good reason to.
2. In reply to Don’s comment: I think you were totally in the right to stand up for yourself in that situation. If she fell on her ass and it was unintentional, that’s perfectly fine.
3. What I think about the “Captain Save-A-Hoe’s” who all stood up: predictable and tiring. I have no problem with the other guy stepping in initially to restrain the dude who slapped her, he was getting out of line. But the fucking 12 guys who ganged up on him is just uncalled for. They’re all trying to be fucking heroes and if there weren’t 200 of them, I’d be all for the original guy going Jackie Chan on all their asses. So to clarify, the first guy stepping in and being like, “Dude, calm down,” that’s reasonable. But the Pussy Platoon is totally unnecessary.
As another reader pointed out, it’s so predictable and pathetic though, the slapper guy should have realized what was coming.
I know my ideas about these situations are a bit nuanced. Although I support gender equality legally, morally, professionally and politically, in every way, emotionally and socially men and women are different. These aren’t simply beliefs I have, science can pinpoint the exact differences (hormoanal differences, physiological responses, psychological reactions, different averages in multiple intelligences, etc.). As a result, in the physical, social, emotional and sexual arenas, men and women aren’t always equals.
Examples: If I go to some crazy night club and hot girls start climbing onto the bar and dancing together. If I try to get up there and dance, a bouncer is going to make me get down within 3 seconds (I know because I’ve tried, haha). Is that fair? Technically, no. But does anyone want to see me shake my ass on the bar? No, and I wouldn’t want to see me up there either.
Say later at that same night club, some drunk guy gets really belligerent and knocks the crap out of somebody. I’m talking winds up and punches someone in the face. Now, that person is a guy. The drunk guy is just going to get thrown out and told to get lost. If that person is a girl, not only is he going to get his ass beaten by every guy within sight, but he’ll probably get arrested and booked for assault. Is that fair? Well, a guy is much more likely to be able to take the punch and fight back whereas a girl probably won’t be able to. Fair? Technically, no, but I think it is the way it should be.
Maybe it’s the southern gentlemen in me (surely the last remnant of him) that strongly believes you NEVER intentionally physically harm a woman. It’s unnecessary. There are so many other and more effective ways to retaliate.
But as always, these things are often context-driven.