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How NOT to Act Around Women

Ran into a thread on a message board recently that really pissed me off, so I decided to post about it.

Watch this video:

The thread asked what you would do in this guy’s shoes after the girl slapped him. To my chagrin an overhwelming amount of guys said they would have slapped her back, just as the guy did. Many comments included such poignant lines as “the bitch had it coming” and “women wield too much power.” Uhh… really?

The general air of the thread was that it was the guy’s responsibility to hit her back — to not hit her would be a form of “supplication” and he had to be “alpha.” Their exact words.

This is so much of what is wrong with the whole Pick Up Artist thing.

I’d like to preface this discussion by saying, the situation is completely different with men. If a man throws a punch at me, I give myself full liberty to lay him on his back. With men, it’s a question of self defense, and there’s not really a limit to the physicality I think you should be able to defend yourself with.

With women, it’s different for two reasons. The first is the practical: women are genetically smaller and weaker than men. If you’re a decent-sized guy, like this guy in the video, like I am, I don’t care what a girl does, it is going to take A LOT for her to hurt you and very little for you to hurt her.

The same way you don’t hit a child for being obnoxious, you don’t hit a woman for being a bitch either.

The other reason gets at the core point raised on the board: power. Who has the power in this situation?

Any guy who has any degree of confidence — and hopefully most of my readers — are well-aware of what we commonly refer to as “shit tests.” Basically, what we call “shit tests” are the conflicts in which women attack us, usually verbally and psychologically, to phase us. The whole evolutionary point of the female-to-male shit test is to phase the man, to find his pressure point, make him crumble. As most guys (hopefully) know, if the man remains composed and handles the woman’s objections (whether reasonable or not), he gains attraction.

You’re a man. You’re supposed to be a fucking rock that can weather any woman’s storm. That’s what attracts 80% of females and defines masculinity in 80% of males.

So let’s look at her slap in another light. Is the slap reasonable? We can’t tell for sure from the clip, but my guess is it’s not. Does the man face any real or significant danger from the woman? Absolutely not, you can tell immediately he could break her if he chose to. So why does he retaliate?

Easy. Anger. He’s been disrespected, so he attempts to use his brute force (unfair advantage) to impose respect on her.

I would argue that first of all, the fact he let’s a slap “disrespect” him makes him weak and “beta” (to use community terms) to begin with. The fact that he retaliates physically on a woman makes him even weaker and more “beta.” I believe the fact he begins CRYING when confronted by other guys only goes to prove this point.

So what’s the right response? Well, luckily I’ve approached thousands of women and have been slapped a handful of times by bitchy girls, so I can answer this from experience.

When a girl slaps me.

I look her in the eye.

And laugh…

Then I say something like, “THAT was mature.” If I haven’t known her long I tell her, “Wow, usually girls have to know me at least a month before they slap me.”

Utterly unphased. It tells her, “You can’t shake me.”

Not only that, but the self-control required not only to not retaliate, but to not even get angry. THAT’S power. She’s just unloaded one of her most extreme options in testing you, and you just take it… and laugh.

I’ll leave you with a classic movie character that many guys “model” in the community as THE most alpha dude around. Ask yourself, who’s the alpha male in this scene?

Update: Based on some comments, I want to clarify a couple points.

1. I’m NOT saying that women should go unpunished for out-of-line actions. I just generally see violence towards women as almost never appropriate. There are plenty of other ways to retaliate. With the exception of one girl, all of the other girls who slapped me, I dropped their asses on the spot for being bitches. I stand by my statement that in this particular situation the guy was in the wrong for hitting her. He had no good reason to.

2. In reply to Don’s comment: I think you were totally in the right to stand up for yourself in that situation. If she fell on her ass and it was unintentional, that’s perfectly fine.

3. What I think about the “Captain Save-A-Hoe’s” who all stood up: predictable and tiring. I have no problem with the other guy stepping in initially to restrain the dude who slapped her, he was getting out of line. But the fucking 12 guys who ganged up on him is just uncalled for. They’re all trying to be fucking heroes and if there weren’t 200 of them, I’d be all for the original guy going Jackie Chan on all their asses. So to clarify, the first guy stepping in and being like, “Dude, calm down,” that’s reasonable. But the Pussy Platoon is totally unnecessary.

As another reader pointed out, it’s so predictable and pathetic though, the slapper guy should have realized what was coming.

I know my ideas about these situations are a bit nuanced. Although I support gender equality legally, morally, professionally and politically, in every way, emotionally and socially men and women are different. These aren’t simply beliefs I have, science can pinpoint the exact differences (hormoanal differences, physiological responses, psychological reactions, different averages in multiple intelligences, etc.). As a result, in the physical, social, emotional and sexual arenas, men and women aren’t always equals.

Examples: If I go to some crazy night club and hot girls start climbing onto the bar and dancing together. If I try to get up there and dance, a bouncer is going to make me get down within 3 seconds (I know because I’ve tried, haha). Is that fair? Technically, no. But does anyone want to see me shake my ass on the bar? No, and I wouldn’t want to see me up there either.

Say later at that same night club, some drunk guy gets really belligerent and knocks the crap out of somebody. I’m talking winds up and punches someone in the face. Now, that person is a guy. The drunk guy is just going to get thrown out and told to get lost. If that person is a girl, not only is he going to get his ass beaten by every guy within sight, but he’ll probably get arrested and booked for assault. Is that fair? Well, a guy is much more likely to be able to take the punch and fight back whereas a girl probably won’t be able to. Fair? Technically, no, but I think it is the way it should be.

Maybe it’s the southern gentlemen in me (surely the last remnant of him) that strongly believes you NEVER intentionally physically harm a woman. It’s unnecessary. There are so many other and more effective ways to retaliate.

But as always, these things are often context-driven.

Related posts:

  1. Extra Curricular Reading
  2. What if I Want a Girlfriend?
  3. The Litmus Test
  4. The 80/20 Rule of Dating Women
  5. Women Lovers and Women Haters

14 comments to How NOT to Act Around Women

  • CarlitoBrigante

    I do agree that it’s not about being “alpha” (how I hate the way that word is used).

    Still, let’s not forget the fact that:

    1) I’m sure that YOU as a man don’t go around slapping guys that are stronger/bigger than you and WILL put a hurt on you for being a dumbass. Why do women feel it’s OK for them to do that? It’s not right.

    2) More importantly, women are not children, and even children are disciplined when they do something wrong.

    The guy should have thought about where he was, and what the consequences would have been. He was stupid for escalating verbally in the first place. The guys that beat him are nothing but Captain Save-A-Hoes.

  • don

    I remember years ago I was in line for something and these 2 girls came out of nowhere and just cut in front of me. I called them on it and they didnt seem to care, thought it was funny. I cut back in front of them and one of them starting getting pushy. I pushed her back and she happened to fall on her ass. Nobody did shit about it either, cause they knew I was in the right. She was probably cutting up making her way to the front and nobody has the balls to stop her.

    All I’m saying is that if a girl is being a dumbass and slaps a guy for no good reason and the guy slaps her back, Im not gonna rush over there to save her..

  • Harold

    This is an important question. I have mixed views on it, but I think “don” has a good point. Entropy, are you saying that if it’s a man then it’s automatically self-defense? What if he’s a little guy, is it self defense then? In a larger context, do you think the response from the other guys signals to some women that this behavior is acceptable? I’m not so sure about it being alpha not to retaliate, although I would have just caught the slap ;-) .

  • Harold

    Something else to add; What do you think of the guys who as you say “confronted” him?

  • Harold

    This is what I like about your teaching style. You pose these scenarios and ask your listeners for their input, then discuss it afterwards. Very cool.

    I’m still ambivalent about this, yet I continue to maintain that such responses (especially from the Pussy Platoon [lol]) send the message that it is an acceptable (not necessarily approvable) behavior for women to exhibit.

    Thanks,

    Harold

  • broken dreams nyc

    dude your email is down.
    Last night I went to a college bar near school and it was soo different than going to a regular bar or lounge.
    I felt direct game was too aggresive and cocky funny was too much. either that or they have low self esteem dude.I dont know.
    can you give a comparison on that?
    I read your stuff on college and social circle game and its a gem.
    but I felt that this scenario would be easy for a SNL but I got blown out 7 out 8 sets. I ended up number closing the bartender Doc holiday style :)
    can you go over different going to college bar younger girls game vs lounge or bar.
    thanks

    sandy

  • Kyle

    You’re a pussy. A real man doesn’t just tolerate physical violence and not respond – man or woman. It’s white knight hypocrites like you that prevent men from defending themselves against violent females and hand them all the power.

    • Mark Manson

      It’s sad that you equate physical power with actual power. It’s also sad that you think a woman could actually threaten that in you.

      Both of these beliefs show how massively insecure of a person you are.

  • Bob

    Although I don’t believe in hitting women, there are exceptions. If she approached me with a weapon or punched me with full strength, then I’d have little recourse but use physical force in order to protect my person. Walking away would make things worse.

    Other than the above exceptions, there is NO excuse to strike a woman. You are her partner, not her boss.

  • RC

    It is my belief that women would never hit a guy if they felt they would be hit back in return. Women however realize the world that we live in today and that it seems almost socially acceptable that a woman can hit and get away with hitting a man. I have not only once been hit, but hit multiple times by a specific woman. She was drunk, and flipping out on me for my driving. I was driving fine.. she however was drunk and ready to throw up and being very bitchy and cussing me, threatening to “punch me in the head.” She was my freinds girlfreinds best freind. He had asked me to go to the club prior after returning from Afghanistan. When I got in the back she continued to cuss me out, and as we were driving I told her to stop being such a rotten bitch (also drunk and fed up with her intolerable bullshit.) She then bugged out and started full on swinging at me. After blocking about twenty swings, and having my face scratched out… I yelled for her to fuck off now getting extremely heated. She then took her heel off, spit on me, and started trying to hit me with that. I pushed her face back into the window and told her to FUCK OFF.

    Guess what happenned mark.. She instantly STOPPED. My freind from the marines YELLING at me for “hitting a girl” which I didnt, just pushed her away in which I felt I should have punched her in the face a few times and brought her to reality. She then cried a bit and moved to the front (big girl too, 5″10 about 180lbs). From there… because my freind asked I was foolish enough to apologize and explain my situation. She took advantage of it and told me how she was going to cut her face up and go to the police and say I did it (which would have been obvious bullshit and I had witness’ to prove it.)

    Sorry dude, ive agreed with you on the last upteen posts ive read but some women deserve to get hit. If your man enough to give it, your man enough to take it. They hit us in my opnion simply because they dont think they will be hit back and its not fair and they need to learn. I will never allow a women to be that violent with me again. They have NO right to do that. While I may not be able to change the world so that all women dont hit men, I certainly will hold my own ground on this matter.

  • km

    hitting a woman unless she has a weapon will get you shafted. The guy in the video should have pushed her at most.

    some girls these days have no discipline or class. Learning to defend yourself and your self respect without getting a charge is important as game. don’t wanna be the next chris brown.

  • Rick

    umm… anger issues?

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