Wanting to impress is OK. We all want to impress to varying degrees. It's about priorities. When your behavior is based more on her than it is on you, then you will come across as needy and unattractive, 10 times out of 10.

When I see a hot girl, I definitely try to impress her and get her to like me. But I will never compromise who I am, what I believe in, what I want, what I do, or even what I say for her. I value my perception of myself over her perception of me, no matter how hot she is and no matter how much I care about what she thinks.

Another way of putting it is that I control my desire for her; my desire for her does not control me.

It's a subtle thing, but it the implications are massive, as some guys on this forum will tell you.

(10-22-2011 05:45 AM)Mark Wrote:  Wanting to impress is OK. We all want to impress to varying degrees. It's about priorities. When your behavior is based more on her than it is on you, then you will come across as needy and unattractive, 10 times out of 10.

When I see a hot girl, I definitely try to impress her and get her to like me. But I will never compromise who I am, what I believe in, what I want, what I do, or even what I say for her. I value my perception of myself over her perception of me, no matter how hot she is and no matter how much I care about what she thinks.

Another way of putting it is that I control my desire for her; my desire for her does not control me.

It's a subtle thing, but it the implications are massive, as some guys on this forum will tell you.

Ok that makes great sense, thankyou!

What would you say is the fastest way to get to this "way of being" ? Cause Ive felt it myself when out and being "in state" as RSD calls it, when I dont care about anything more than my own good feelings, I can sense girls checking me out everywhere then, Ive also had one experience when I had that feeling and in the club locking eye-contact with this really attractive girl like some feet infront of me and then making out with eachother without saying a word.

But usually Im very self consious and it feels like im trying to project this "cool guy" image which probably makes me come off kind of "shut down" and boring.

Trying to solve the problem but dont know really how to go about it all. Like, I can get into this state of mind sometimes, and I tell myself "THIS IS IT, this is who I am! this is how I always wanna be!!" but then the next day Im back to my insecure-feeling.

You talk about it as if you have to do something to get it. You don't need to do anything to get it. You can have it right now. Just sit there and think about it, try to feel it in your bones, focus on it.

I'm not talking about state, I'm talking about how you perceive yourself relative to the world.

(10-22-2011 05:26 PM)Mark Wrote:  You talk about it as if you have to do something to get it. You don't need to do anything to get it. You can have it right now. Just sit there and think about it, try to feel it in your bones, focus on it.

I'm not talking about state, I'm talking about how you perceive yourself relative to the world.

You're asking a fairly deep question in a very small sentence dude. How you perceive yourself to the world, often time you dont even know it until you encounter the situation that calls for it.

Let me give you an example. Let's just say, the old me 5 years ago, long before i join the seduction community. I was relatively a bookworm, never go out and socialize. I have this concept of how jocks are better than me on an emotional level. In fact, at the time, i didnt even "logically knows" it. However, i remember vividly how i felt it. Nowaday, not so much. Whenenver i met a jock, the majority of the time, i felt they're more or less a baffoon. They lack logical thought to communicate effectively with me so i felt they're lower value. In fact, since i'm just as out going if not more than them, i felt they have nothing that i felt is better than me and even feel they're lower. How much different it was compare to years ago.

But that is just from person to person and you have to dig deep about yourself to find out.