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Is Self Help destructive?
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shadow Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Is Self Help destructive?
(10-16-2011 06:53 PM)crazyhorse Wrote:  Also when it comes to goals, it's by far more effective to focus on the steps necessary to get to that goal then it is to focus on the end goal in itself. The endgoal produces a lot of stress, focusing on the steps makes it fun.

f.e. I want to become the CEO of my company: work on time management, work on personal productivity, be fit, work an hour a day on skills, interview other CEO's etc....

Don't agree with this. By doing this, you are reinforcing that you as you are, are not good enough to be a CEO. Let's use Pickup as an example. By saying, "I'll get girls once I get game", you are essentially saying you don't deserve girls right now. Why would you do that? Instead, fuck the game, and do your thing. You'll learn along the way. It is like how kids learn. When they pick up a sport, say, tennis, they are not thinking, I need to perfect my forehand. They just go out and play, over and over again.
10-17-2011 05:15 AM
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crazyhorse Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Is Self Help destructive?
(10-17-2011 05:15 AM)shadow Wrote:  
(10-16-2011 06:53 PM)crazyhorse Wrote:  Also when it comes to goals, it's by far more effective to focus on the steps necessary to get to that goal then it is to focus on the end goal in itself. The endgoal produces a lot of stress, focusing on the steps makes it fun.

f.e. I want to become the CEO of my company: work on time management, work on personal productivity, be fit, work an hour a day on skills, interview other CEO's etc....

Don't agree with this. By doing this, you are reinforcing that you as you are, are not good enough to be a CEO. Let's use Pickup as an example. By saying, "I'll get girls once I get game", you are essentially saying you don't deserve girls right now. Why would you do that? Instead, fuck the game, and do your thing. You'll learn along the way. It is like how kids learn. When they pick up a sport, say, tennis, they are not thinking, I need to perfect my forehand. They just go out and play, over and over again.

Oh really? How do pro-tennis players train their skills then? You don't think that they have a coach saying that they need to perfect their technique? If you really must insist by all means just go out and try things out (a necessary step), but you'll just be reinventing the wheel all the time. you can learn very quickly from people who have been there before you. If you would do everything on your own you would be a tennis player with a crapy technique.

In weightlifting the beginning of every training is dedicated to perfecting the basic excercises. By all means how is that confirming that you are not good enough?

Coming back to you're "confirming that you are not good enough to be a CEO. Well if you were good enough you would be one? right? If you had girls in your life you would need no game? right?

There is a difference between ridiculous self help and not taking responsibility for your own life.
10-17-2011 09:17 AM
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shadow Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Is Self Help destructive?
Ya, because people start training to be pro players before they show any promise of success, right? Think about technique when you have some kind of success. If you have no success and you keep concentrating on technique, your nascent enthusiasm is likely to be over. Set your goal and do whatever you feel like doing. If you feel like practicing, practice. If you feel like playing, play. And yes, I practiced "game" for 3 years. I've changed in those 3 years, but I had almost no results. Now, when I feel like I don't really need game is when I'm actually getting results. You don't need excellent "game" to get laid. All the normal "AFCs" around us have game? Don't come up with ridiculous excuse to explain your lack of success.

Also, having a coach is different. When you feel like giving up because of lack of results, he will make sure you don't. If you have that kind of conviction, you won't have to be talking about success with anybody. You'll make things happen. A good book to read for this is called, "Inner game of Tennis". Fascinating read.

If people took your advice, they would work on their body language for 6 months, then they'll work on their vocal tonality for 6 months, then they'll work on being alpha for 6 months. I mean really? Getting laid is that complicated? Please. By following people, you also tend to become rigidly attached to their way of doing things. How did they get there? How did Mystery come up with his stuff? By going out, right? By following his ridiculous "method" which is optimized to his personality, you will never develop your own way of doing things. Forget about silly shit. Go out and talk to chicks. You'll get there. Wasting time by thinking about peripheral things is not the optimal use of time. When I first read MM, I felt like it would take me years before I would get good. Why? Well, I had to fix so many things. That is all a load of bull.

Ultimately, there is only one magic pill - fierce desire to attain what you want. Everything else will fall into place if you have that. This talk about the ideal technique to learn things is all crap. If you have that desire, your path will become clear by itself.

Note: When I use you, it does not mean you per se.
(This post was last modified: 10-17-2011 09:48 AM by shadow.)
10-17-2011 09:31 AM
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crazyhorse Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Is Self Help destructive?
(10-17-2011 09:31 AM)shadow Wrote:  Ya, because people start training to be pro players before they show any promise of success, right? Think about technique when you have some kind of success. If you have no success and you keep concentrating on technique, your nascent enthusiasm is likely to be over. Set your goal and do whatever you feel like doing. If you feel like practicing, practice. If you feel like playing, play. And yes, I practiced "game" for 3 years. I've changed in those 3 years, but I had almost no results. Now, when I feel like I don't really need game is when I'm actually getting results. You don't need excellent "game" to get laid. All the normal "AFCs" around us have game? Don't come up with ridiculous excuse to explain your lack of success.

Also, having a coach is different. When you feel like giving up because of lack of results, he will make sure you don't. If you have that kind of conviction, you won't have to be talking about success with anybody. You'll make things happen. A good book to read for this is called, "Inner game of Tennis". Fascinating read.

If people took your advice, they would work on their body language for 6 months, then they'll work on their vocal tonality for 6 months, then they'll work on being alpha for 6 months. I mean really? Getting laid is that complicated? Please. By following people, you also tend to become rigidly attached to their way of doing things. How did they get there? How did Mystery come up with his stuff? By going out, right? By following his ridiculous "method" which is optimized to his personality, you will never develop your own way of doing things. Forget about silly shit. Go out and talk to chicks. You'll get there. Wasting time by thinking about peripheral things is not the optimal use of time. When I first read MM, I felt like it would take me years before I would get good. Why? Well, I had to fix so many things. That is all a load of bull.

Ultimately, there is only one magic pill - fierce desire to attain what you want. Everything else will fall into place if you have that. This talk about the ideal technique to learn things is all crap. If you have that desire, your path will become clear by itself.

Note: When I use you, it does not mean you per se.

Somehow I think we're discussing past each other. When I'm referring to working on you're craft or perfecting technique, I'm referring to people who want to be the best at something.

1) When I said find someone who has already done what you want to do. I meant a decent coach (like mark or someone else). I remember reading an interview with Omari Warren where he said that his clients mostly needed to drop a negative habbit, not necessarily become better people. He said that he had a client who had a lot going for himself, but he wasn't realizing it. The guy dropped his routines and a week later he lost his virginity.

In a nutshell this is also who I was, I needed to drop my low self-esteem and approach more. That was it for me. If a decent coach came a long and helped you early one, you wouldn't have wasted 3 years.

Who said anything about working on body language for 6 months, working on being alpha for six months? Again please don't take my words out of context.You reallly took a weird way of improving, here is what my goals were: get comfortable around women, make a lot of female friends, get a girlfriend, realize that when you're approaching it's more a matter of her liking you or not, ask women out and enjoy their company.

This was my first approach "hey what is he doing", and I ended up having sex with the girl. lol.[/b]
This was my second approach "hey I wanted to talk to you cause I taught you looked cute, but normally I don't do this so I'm kinda nervous". The girl loved it!

But seriously every time now that I encounter an interaction and i want to get a new insight, I just shoot Mark an email. And I always get a more experienced perspective back. How is that bad?

So what I'm doing is I go out, get experience and ask my questions to Mark (someone who has been there before me).

2) YOU determine your own standards. If you want to workout 3 times a week, by all means do so. If someone else works out 5 times a week, let them do so.

What I was referring to perfecting technique, I meant people who want to be the best in something. Face it, that is going to mean a lot of hours working on you're craft.

3) Am I saying to throw your common sense out of the window? NO, by all means no. But I don't see how working on time management, productivity makes you feel like a lousy person....

[b]You just have got to be critical enough to who you are taking advice from.This is mostly where the problems start to happen. Keep in mind that there are also a lot of people out there who just want to sell you something. Hell I heared Frank Kern talk about this, "make people feel bad and let them come back for more".

4) I agree with you on that fierce desire.

let's sum it up like this: fierce desire + expanding comfort zone + a more experienced perspective= success in a very short time.

5) If I want to know whether something is worth while, I always ask myself what is the fundamental skill lying underneath it. In the gym you have excercises such as "drag curls", "cheat curls" and you have terms such as "drop sets". Does this all matter so much?

Hell no: basicallly a good excercise is just an excercise that is basic and stimulates the basic movement of your muscles.
Do you need those "drop sets", not at all. All that you muscles need is just harder work then the previous work out.
10-17-2011 07:48 PM
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Mark Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Is Self Help destructive?
You guys are kind of arguing past each other. And you're both correct to a certain extent.

Pick up is a weird example, because to be good at it requires a combination of the proper mindsets, as well as proper skills.

There are guys with great attitudes and mindsets who simply cannot hold a conversation to save their life. For them its a matter of practicing a skill. There are other guys who are already cool, attractive and interesting guys, but have horrible beliefs and mindsets. For them getting caught up in the nuts and bolts of technique is a distraction and unhelpful.

I agree with Omari. Most of my coaching sessions these days involve undoing bad habits and thought patterns in my students, moreso than actually teaching them anything. I'd say it's 80/20. There are still habits that are useful and important (getting used to approaching, being playful, etc.), but undoing the bad habits and negative beliefs tend to get results much quicker.

Models - A Comprehensive Guide to Attracting Women
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(This post was last modified: 10-17-2011 08:02 PM by Mark.)
10-17-2011 08:00 PM
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crazyhorse Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Is Self Help destructive?
And Mark saves the day haha Tongue

lol, I posted in another thread that I had a feeling we were discussing past each other.

For me I was a guy who already had a great personality but I just needed to be more confident and not be so damm critical of myself.

Last week I read a book and it had a very interesting paragraph.

When amateur golf players think before they make a move, they perform better, but when professional golf players do the same, they get worse. This is a great metaphor for guys who already have great conversational skills, wit & humor. For me this advice helped me a lot: don't take it all so seriously, trust your gut and enjoy the interaction. Because before I was way too much in my head.

Now I have the most amazing interactions with women, to the point where random people ask me "do you guys know each other for a long time". haha, I basically met her 5 minutes ago Tongue.
10-17-2011 10:19 PM
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TheBoss Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Is Self Help destructive?
I don't think reading pickup material has ever had the same effect on me as self help books. I'm pretty objective when it comes to assessing my skills with women. It's like if I read a book on fitness, I'm not going to feel bad because I'm telling myself that I am not in a great shape.

Self help books make me feel bad, because I guess I look into them for very general advice which ends up confusing me even more. I am very analytical (ex competitive chess player), so I tend to over-think lot of the advice that I get from self help. When I was reading Pyscho-Cybernetics, I became too worried about what I was thinking because I thought I might feed my subconscious with bad information. Personally, I don't even believe in lot of the self help material out there, but I try to keep an open mind thinking that it might help.
10-18-2011 02:41 PM
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