My life, my conserns and journey into PU world
Hello guys. Got recommended this site by a friend telling me this was probably the only PU forum out there that wasnt extremely biased by huge companies doing everything to get into your pocket, lol, so I guess this is the perfect place to post about my confusion.
Ill be 100% honest in this post about me, my life and my concerns, why? Cause I just cant stand this no more and I want OUT of it (my "problems", that is).
Anyway, to start out, who am I?
Im 24 years old, Im 2nd year at college in a town which I didnt grow up in and dont know many people at all, my class consists of 95% computer dudes who does everything but goes out to clubs and bars at the weekend. I first got into PU when I was 20, I read the game and found out about david deangelo, somehow this gave me the confidence to finally go out to a nightclub with my friends and the 2nd night I started making out with this girl on the dancefloor, we end up in a realtionship for like 3 years and she took my virginity.
During this time I spent alot of time reading PU material, TONS of material. Name a "guru" and Ive probably read everything he've made. Ive read it all, watched it all. Mystery, deangelo, blueprint, flawless natural, magic bullets, swingcat - everything, trust me.
However, my practical accomplishments doesnt really match up, at all, lol. Ive slept with 4 girls in my life, 1 was my LTR and 3 ONS. These girls I got with only cause of the fact they liked my looks and initiated it all, basicly. Ive never made a cold approach and got laid from it (approach a stranger, carry the conversation and end up in bed), and on top of it all, since watching the program Blueprint Decoded by Tyler from RSD I feel weird in some kind of way, its like Im way more anxious nowadays even in regular conversations with people, EVEN WITH FRIENDS. Its like it actually made me 10times MORE reactive than ever before, I dont know why really, maybe its the concept of state, or reactiveness, or delusional confidence or whatever it is, but its fucked up, really.
Ive become extremely self consious, its like Im always operating thru other peoples eyes, like I see myself in 3rd person consiously trying to micromanage the perceptions.
Ive also got confused about this whole ego vs confidence vs self esteem thing, I dont get it at all if im gonna be honest. Tyler say u shouldnt have an ego and base your confidence on that childish self esteem which is innate, but I can honestly say that if I "kill my ego", my motivations in life would be like.. nothing at all.
Where I live right now I have like zero friends, my social life is basicly none. I go to school like 2-3times a week (not that many lectures, just alot of homework) where I meet my classmates but they arent really the most social party guys, Im studying computer science so my class is like 99% programmer dudes who play world of warcraft on their free-time, Ive played too much computer games in my life already so I dont wanna go there.
I workout at the gym 4-5times a week and have been doing so for several years, well thats about my only hobby. So I have ALOT of free-time home alone, a free-time which have resulted in even more fucking reading of PU material trying to "find the one best thing" or whatever it is.
I dont have such a long way to my hometown, like 1.5hours with train and I have some friends over there who I grew up with, but honestly alot of my social life there have diminished too, alot of friends who have moved far away, even to another country.
I have a real problem making new friends also, It feels like it was just soo much easier when u were a child.
The one "plus" thing I guess I have is that Im (according to girls) pretty good looking, probably thats why I even got those 4 girls from the beginning, but aside from that, I would say Im a mess. I have yet no driver licence, fucked up social life, bad social skills, no hobbies more than my body building, not any real cut clear goals in life to strive after - on my off-days from school (which are like 4-5days a week) I end up sleeping like 12-13PM, basicly cause I dont really have anything important to get up to.
This really feels like some kind of "dark period" in my life cause I see people having so much fun, having friends etc while I go about my boring meaningless day.
I also have the feeling like I have to "sort this thing with PU out" before I can concentrate on anything else, its like I have invested so damn much time in PU that I just HAVE to solve this shit, start applying it and get good, and before I can just settle down with one method or whatever and get going it feels like this thing thats "holding me back", cause its on my mind constantly.
I recently turned 24 and I want this year to be the year I "got out of it" and took care of buisiness, but I dont know how to start, how to go about thing. I certantly do have to delete tons of fucking seduction material of my computer and only focus on 1 or at most 2 material to follow, I need some kind of goal-planning or some shit and I need to get out meet people. Its so much I dont know where to "start" really.
Also another thing, I know I would probably be able to get dates like on the internet pretty easy, cause there have been some girls who have initiated contact with me flirting, but somehow I feel held back cause I dont see myself as valuable cause my life basicly sucks, as I said, no hobbies, Im not that of an interesting person etc, so thats also holding me back.
Hmm yes well, I guess thats about it, dont know what the question is really, just would like to hear your take on this, maybe some of you have similar experiences and could share your thoughts.
Well well, it'll be fun to be a part of this forum, probably start my own journal on here eventually.
Until then, thanks!