Hey guys,
Writing this becuase I am lately loosing motivation about going out and "improving" esp in night venues. After reading Mark´s book it became clear to me that there really is not much sense in going out and "practicing" picking up girls. All it really comes down to is finding a girl who is mutually attracted, which one can tell fairly fast and then figuring out logistics. "Game" or calibration is really only there to not fuck things up. Or a other way to put it is: creating this "chemistry" this emotional thing that women and men like to feel when they meet each other, seems to be so random to create. I am doing my best, approaching (I go direct, get rejected a lot with this and I am okay with that) carrying the the convo and sometimes it just clicks and we kiss very fast, or I can just tell its on and everyone is happy and gay lol. But other times just nothing seems to work altough there is not much difference in how I behave or act. It is as I said a bit random. Anyone know what I mean?

Matt, keep chugging. I'm sure Mark would be the first to tell you that there is such a thing as going out and "practicing" pick-up. In his case, he would ask you to just go up and approach girls that you are attracted to, which is the same as practicing. Here are some things you can try:

1) You mention always going direct. Try going indirect for a few sets and how that works. By indirect, I don't mean you need to use an opinion opener or something. I just mean that you go up and convey your identity before you actually let her know that you like her. Alternatively, you can try this - open direct ("You are cute") and leave without saying anything more. Reopen her later. Since most guys are needy, direct openers have a bad rap. You circumvent that by opening confidently and leaving.
2) Try rapid escalation combined with seductive body language
3) How are your conversational skills? Are you able to create emotion in people with your words? For this to happen, you have to speak about topics that you are passionate about. When you speak with conviction about something you truly believe in, people go into a trance like state, enraptured by the power of your beliefs. BTW, this is a big part of what is referred to as Identity in the community. Are you putting your balls on the line?

Ahah, I've been thinking the same about self improvement in general. And it too came from he book
I started thinking who I really was and why do I behave in different ways depending on the person I am with. Mostly it comes from my own beliefs, sometimes from others' (frames). I uncovered my own motivations to get good at this, and there's a fair bit of validation. Well, if I'm supposed to get rid of that why should I bother at all? I already get pretty nice and attractive girls. I've got a job that pays me more than average, even though I work night hours and is a crappy job. I've made good friends and relationships. In other words, I am comfortable here.

This is usually a cycle for me. I loose my motivation or find that things aren't going as good as I'd like, I pull back and start again, usually after finding some new motivation source. I go at it and soon I start sabotaging myself; I loose track of what I started doing and go after something else. And I'll be happy for a while until something brings me back to reality. In a way, this has worked for me, I've improved my life tenfold in the last 3 years. But gosh, is this hard and frustrating. And very slow.

What I am looking at here is for my core motivation, my purpose. I'll admit that I do have quite a lot of fear of success. And I may be looking at the purpose as a sort of magic pill that will get my motivation in full gear and give me "motivation superpowers".
But what is it that keeps you guys going at it? When you read a motivation book it's always about getting a bigger house, a nicer position... but these are mere badges, they don't address our deeper purposes. Has anyone looked for this deeper meaning?

Thanks for the tipps shadow. But I thought after reading the Book that it doesnt matter that much what you say only the Intention behind those words matters really. Regarding conversations I implement what Mark talks about in the book. I might be off sometimes but it seriously cant be that hard to talk to Girls and I have definately made a few girls emotional. Just somehow not consistently. Later I'll Post how typical convos go for me.

It is about intention, but there is skill involved in communicating your intention effectively.

The sense I get from your post Matt is that you're spending a lot of time interacting with girls you're not actually that interested in... at least not past them being hot. And you don't seem to be particularly motivated by having a ton of casual sex.

I would say take a moment and focus on the quality of your interactions. You should be meeting women you enjoy meeting. It makes all the difference in the world, both in terms of motivation and in terms of results. Perhaps focus on meeting girls through social circle, events or activities, groups, etc. Find some women who have something in common with you.

Or hell, sit at home and don't go out. I go through 1-2 month periods where I barely even go out. I used to beat myself up about it, like I was being a pussy or something. But who cares? Sometimes other things are more important to me.

Yeah some women are boring but definately hot and I would like to sleep with them. I am not out there to get a girlfriend per se. If a cool girl comes around why not? But primarily I want to sleep with hot women. Deep inside it might be about validation yes, I want to show myself that I can do it. But to be honest I don't know why that is so wrong? I see it a bit like a Sport lol. Nevertheless I don't just view women as Sex objects or something I actually really like their perspective on things and enjoy bubbly, humerous women.
Regarding the skill involved, I don´t go up to women and tell them that I want to get in their pants or something. Didn't you say that approaching is 95% just going up and doing it? I can see that the ensuing conversation needs a bit of skill but it can't be that hard and I am doing everything listed in the book. Plus as I said, I have gotten results, but they are annoyingly inconsistent.

I actually think the most difficult thing about approaching women is helping the other person be interesting, as odd as that sounds.

Here's my thought on the matter.

Most people are not that great at talking to random strangers. This includes hot girls. You can't count on them being open and relaxed unless you help them get there. Since you initiated the approach, that's your job, not hers. Furthermore, it's not enough to be interesting yourself. You can be an interesting guy and tell cool stories and she might end up being in her head and feeling awkward. The key is to get her engaged in conversation and open. That's what is difficult.

I agree Jon.

Matt: there's nothing wrong with validation. I went through a lot of effort in the book to make it clear that ELIMINATING validation is impossible. We all need validation. What you want to eliminate is your actions being based on validation.

But that validation shouldn't be your prime motivation to do it. The motivation should be, "she's hot, I like hot girls, I'm going to hit on hot girl." It's like someone playing a sport because they love it and someone playing a sport for the money.

Matt, real quick, list five things you could be better at. Right now.

5 Things regarding women? Or life in General?