Howdy all -

One hurdle I'm facing right now is that I tend to approach only women who are 1) alone (not with friends) 2) in distant proximity from the rest of the public (so I won't be overheard).

I know this is extremely limiting and is preventing me from making a significant number of approaches. It's also time consuming to find the right scenario...

I'll need to work on breaking out of this.

Given past advice and reading, I assume I should be approaching as much as possible to get over my anxiety and fear of rejection.

An additional limiting belief holding me back relates to that I work in a business district close to where I do approaches - and the area is highly trafficked by women walking home from work. Some of these women likely work in my company.

My limiting belief is that I will approach them, get rejected, and that it will negatively impact my career (assuming I should need to work with them at some point).

I know this is my brain searching for reasons to not approach, and that in a perfect world I'd have absolutely no reservations about approaching anyone... Any thoughts here?

Other questions for you guys:
- Do you approach anyone, regardless of the above factors? Are there any times you won't approach?
- What about approaching a girl (young woman) who appears to be with her mom? I go out in a touristy area and this seems somewhat common...

Cheers!
Slim

You haven't really talked much about your skill level, but I assume you're a newbie, right?

I would definitely not give the advise to newbies to approach as many girls as possible.

Why? Because now it maybe seems to you that your AA is your biggest problem. However, this is not the case.

In my opinion daytime approaching is primarily about competence, not about confidence. Confidence comes automatically with competence, when you know that you CAN get a reasonable number of dates from daytime cold approach.

So don't focus on doing as many sets as possible just to get rid of your AA. Instead, focus on - let's say - 20 or 25 approaches a week, and try to push EVERY interaction as far as possible. Analyze all of them carefully afterwards where your sticking points are. Then do another 20 approaches, and by doing this try to solve the sticking points of your previous interactions. Then analyze again what to do better next time, and do another 20. And so on...

So focus on developing your skills. Best way to do that is to concentrate on single sets, because the interaction will be more intensive and you can push it forward more easily.

Yep, I'm new. I recently completed a 30 day goal of approaching one girl a day. I got a couple email addresses and phone numbers out of that, but I still have plenty of AA.

Approaching 20-25 girls a week is 3+ a day. Given that I've struggled to find girls in the proper scenario, I'll need to expand my criteria.

My preferred criteria:
1) Alone or with one female friend
2) Away from the rest of the public
3) Early to late 20s

However, most girls I see in the area where approach fall within this criteria:

1) With a dude (or a mixed set)
2) In a group of girls that look too young
3) Appears to be with her mom
4) Walking home from an office nearby (thus this is the route she typically takes)

Any suggestions for where I should start expanding?

(09-02-2011 11:10 PM)Slim Wrote:  However, most girls I see in the area where approach fall within this criteria:

1) With a dude (or a mixed set)
2) In a group of girls that look too young
3) Appears to be with her mom
4) Walking home from an office nearby (thus this is the route she typically takes)

Any suggestions for where I should start expanding?

Ok, I would avoid the categories 1)-3), except you only want to approach in order to reduce your AA.

But category 4) seems fine. Girls walking home from their jobs or from university (if they aren't living on campus) are a preferable target group, because they don't have URGENT time constraints and therefore can be taken to instant dates. Open indirectly, and forget about the "she could be my co-worker one day" stuff. I was usually Sarging near my office, and there was NEVER any problem of this kind.

If you don't have enough targets for you then I would give you the advice to work on your logistics. Maybe you should change the time and/or place of your approaches?

It has taken me 1 1/2 months to figure out the specific dynamic of my favourite daygame spot (concerning WHEN and WHERE I would run into WHAT KIND OF female demographic). But effort invested into improving your approach logistics (and your instant date logistics) really pays out in form of better results!

All in all I can understand your problem well. I used to live in Berlin, and I can tell you it's hard to find an HB 7 on her own there. There were days when I had to eject out of all sets I've opened because even the girls that I liked at first glance did not look good enough on a second glance (and I'm not THAT critical, at least not more than most other guys).

So take category 4).

Berlin must be a horrible place to live. Here in southern california and newport beach, there are plenty of girls who are 7 and 8's walking around solo shopping.

Btw, mom's set is awelsome. 80 percent of the time, the mom try to hook me up with her daughter lol

Stop thinking about where your comfort zone is and start thinking about where her comfort zone is. You say you prefer to approach when she is away from the public. Where is a woman more comfortable talking to a stranger? When nobody is in earshot or in a very public place.

Also, to avoid running into people leaving your office, here's what you do: do not walk on a direct route from your office to public transit. So, if you draw a line from your building to where most people go on the way home, avoid that line, make a big loop, and talk to girls on the way.

Thanks all.

Brian - So you'd approach mom sets regularly? I feel like chances are very high they're just shopping or being tourists, thus chances are minimal I'll ever see them again. Of course, the ideal is that I wouldn't care IF I ever saw them again...

Jon - Good point about being within earshot of others. As far as the lines people take to walk home, there are nearby neighborhoods in essentially every direction... which causes fear in me that I'll run into these girls more than once. Wednesday I stopped a girl walking home from the grocery store... So again, I SHOULD NOT care. Just need to work up to that, and I think the way to do that is to approach.

On another forum I really enjoy, someone offered this:

"You should teach yourself not to give a flying crap what women think about you after the fact, especially women who have rejected you in the past. Those are worthless concerns and you should feel perfectly comfortable showing up in a bar full of women who have rejected you in the past and hitting on the one woman there who hasn't. The fear you feel is an artifact of a social order in which approaching a woman without the permission of your superiors could get you killed. Today, this fear is just an obstacle to your success. If you were my student, I'd show you how I get badly blown out by one girl, turn around and hit on a girl standing right next to the one who just blew me out without any trace of residual discomfort whatsoever. That is just no longer in my programming."

Hey i'd just like to add on to the fantastic advice that's already been given. I'm not sure how bad your AA truly is but just remember that it truly never goes away. It's just like various other activities, I'm sure you've given presentations and even if you feel comfortable to a certain degree your still nervous. In my instance i've run more than a dozen races and till this day i still get nervous while on the starting blocks. All that's important is acknowledging your fear and letting that empower you.

Also i had the same fear, and to an extent still do, of talking to women when others can be heard. Honestly ask yourself when was the last time you payed attention what someone on a street was talking about? In the grand scheme of things noone really cares.

(09-03-2011 03:52 AM)Brian Wrote:  Btw, mom's set is awelsome. 80 percent of the time, the mom try to hook me up with her daughter lol

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT I MUST KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!

Dude.

In general, it's easier to approach a cute girl if she's seen you talking with other people, this doesn't mean seeing you hit on other people.

If you are being polite with the door guy at a bar, or the person at a register in a store, it becomes easier to comment to her on something that is happening around you with her.

I wasn't that interested in this girl, but I started up a conversation with a girl at my neighborhood coffee shop because because the barista was talking to her. I just jumped right in, they were talking, so I decided he is helping me at the bar I should hop in on the convo.

I ended up walking with her home becuse she lives a block away from me and we talked for a bit. We didn't exchange number or anything because I wasn't into her and I didn't sense attraction from her, but just approaching people like this will help you approach girls you are into, whether it's in front of them or not.