Non neediness honesty definitely hooked some girl but pushes some girl away.

So earlier today at day game, it was very apparent with two girls:

1st girl

Girl1: opinion about something...
me: damn, yeah. I fucking hate that shit, that shit is stupid etc etc.
girl1: Yeah, me too!! blah blah blah blah
me(phone ringing)
me: give me 1 min.
Me: blah blah, ok, i will meet up with you in 15 minute.
me: Hey, I have to go and do some business with a friend. But listen, I like you, let's keep in touch.
girl1 gave number and looked at me expecting me to give her my number. Attraction was definitely spiked.

2nd girl

me: what music do you like?
girl2: hip hop, reggard etc:
me: really? damn, I HATE hiphop(I actually really do hate hiphop. I have never once listen to a hiphop song that i think are catchy except maybe poppish shit like Kanya West).
girl2: Well, I guess it's just your opinion, but i love that music(I could see she became terribly upset).
me: Look, I like musics that has catchy melody with rhythem in the background as backup for a great song.
girl2: I like rhythem, I dont care anything about melody.
There's more conversation, but i could tell the amount of friction from my strong opinion means there isnt going to be any connection so i gave her a bullshit excuse and left. Sure, she keeps standing there to talk and banter but i figure, what's the point. In my mind, she has no taste and I actually lost quite a bit of attraction for her.

Basically, when you state a strong opinion about something, some girl will really like you and some girl will leave. Which is good because you dont waste time with girls who have almost nothing in common with you.

(08-31-2011 04:13 PM)Brian Wrote:  Basically, when you state a strong opinion about something, some girl will really like you and some girl will leave. Which is good because you dont waste time with girls who have almost nothing in common with you.

Bingo... not only that, but sharing yourself in this way forces you to become outcome independent. So when you do actually meet a girl you really like, you won't be falling all over yourself trying to impress her -- a huge problem most guys have.

(08-31-2011 04:21 PM)Mark Wrote:  

(08-31-2011 04:13 PM)Brian Wrote:  Basically, when you state a strong opinion about something, some girl will really like you and some girl will leave. Which is good because you dont waste time with girls who have almost nothing in common with you.

Bingo... not only that, but sharing yourself in this way forces you to become outcome independent. So when you do actually meet a girl you really like, you won't be falling all over yourself trying to impress her -- a huge problem most guys have.

Apparently, yes.

Brian in my mind, thats a bit severe. If someone says they love something, and you then say you 'hate' what they love, I don't think thats a particularly good thing to do. It surely isn't going to build mutual attraction. It is possible to come across as overly opinionated. I know someone that often gets into arguments and big heated debates with people he has just met as he will display his opinions without any measure of tact or sensitivity. And guess what, his is quite an annoying, stressful person to be around.

Me personally - fit girl says 'I like hip hop'

I would probably say(if I didnt like it) 'Oh cool, I don't personally like it that much, but what type of hip hop do you like?' For example.

So I have displayed that I genuinely don't like it that much but have also asked her further about her interest. Basically I think you can still express an opinion but with more tact and sensitivity and I think people receive you a lot better.

Also, the whole point with questions like, 'what music do you like?' is that they are meant to be bonding questions where you try to find some similar interests and some sort of compatibility. Putting your foot down/being solid in who you are or whatever isn't necessarily useful or needed for these kind of ice breaker questions in my opinion.

Wow, way to completely miss the point of the post. The point of being opinionated is that it's mean to get people who really like your opinion to be on your side quick while get rid of people who are very incomparable with you.

If i ask what kind of hiphop she likes, i completely compromise my integrity. I completely dislike hiphop music with extreme passion, even more than country musics. Imagine going on a date with her and she keep blasting hiphop music in my car, that would annoy the living shit out of me.

(09-01-2011 05:21 AM)Brian Wrote:  Wow, way to completely miss the point of the post. The point of being opinionated is that it's mean to get people who really like your opinion to be on your side quick while get rid of people who are very incomparable with you.

If i ask what kind of hiphop she likes, i completely compromise my integrity. I completely dislike hiphop music with extreme passion, even more than country musics. Imagine going on a date with her and she keep blasting hiphop music in my car, that would annoy the living shit out of me.

Depends on what the goal of the question is, right?

Filter - this is for dealbreakers and big issues. Brian doesn't like hip-hop and doesn't want to date a girl who's into it. So that's a real filter for him. No sense in dancing around the issue. With these kind of questions, a man with a strong identity is going to assert himself and not play along to please a girl.

Rapport-builder - this is for areas where you may not care as much but just want to get her talking about stuff that she cares about.

No question is all one way or all the other. Something you intended as a filter may turn into a rapport-builder - e.g. if a girl turns out to have very similar interests. And a rapport-builder may lead to a girl passing or failing one of your filters.

(Frankly, this is a very nerdy way to describe it and I don't recommend anyone be thinking about this when talking to girls... but by really understanding your own values, identity, what you want in a girl, and what you don't want, you'll be able to have the kind of conversations that attract girls that would be good for you and repel girls that wouldn't... which I think was Brian's original point.)

Yeah, thanks for clarifying. I guess for me anyway, liking hip hop or not liking hip hop would never be a deal breaker. I mean if it was the hottest women alive and she loved hip hop and she liked you brian, would you not just compromise? Surely it can't be the biggest deal breaker.

(09-01-2011 06:42 AM)007 Wrote:  Yeah, thanks for clarifying. I guess for me anyway, liking hip hop or not liking hip hop would never be a deal breaker. I mean if it was the hottest women alive and she loved hip hop and she liked you brian, would you not just compromise? Surely it can't be the biggest deal breaker.

I won't answer for Brian, but for me it really depends on the duration of the relationship. I'll put up with things in a hot one night stand that would drive me crazy if I were exposed to them daily in a long term relationship.

Different taste in music? Not a big deal. Talk about something else.
Holocaust denier and neo-Nazi? Yeah, this is a problem.

I think there was a thread around here about what would be a deal breaker for a one night stand... ah, here it is. In this case the girl was being a genuine racist (against the race of the guy trying to pick her up), but I'm sure we can think of other big deal breakers.

(09-01-2011 07:29 AM)equilibrium Wrote:  

(09-01-2011 06:42 AM)007 Wrote:  Yeah, thanks for clarifying. I guess for me anyway, liking hip hop or not liking hip hop would never be a deal breaker. I mean if it was the hottest women alive and she loved hip hop and she liked you brian, would you not just compromise? Surely it can't be the biggest deal breaker.

I won't answer for Brian, but for me it really depends on the duration of the relationship. I'll put up with things in a hot one night stand that would drive me crazy if I were exposed to them daily in a long term relationship.

Different taste in music? Not a big deal. Talk about something else.
Holocaust denier and neo-Nazi? Yeah, this is a problem.

I think there was a thread around here about what would be a deal breaker for a one night stand... ah, here it is. In this case the girl was being a genuine racist (against the race of the guy trying to pick her up), but I'm sure we can think of other big deal breakers.

Yeah this is what Im saying. I mean I cant speak for Brian, but yeah, I would have thought music alone wouldn't be a deal breaker for a one night stand at least. Maybe in a relationship you would be more likely to go out with someone who does have similar music tastes etc.

The willingness to disagree can subcommunicate non-neediness. The same goes for screening as Brian pointed out. But being a fussy naysayer gives off a judgemental vibe. Picky people lack empathy.