Having graduated from college this past May and having to move into my parents' guest house in the burbs while I work and save up money my dating life has been for lack of a better term--comatose. So I have resorted to online dating. Basically the topic of this entire post focuses on a specific question: How much touching should you do on a first date with someone you meet online?

Long story short I went on two dates with two different girls I met online. The first girl I met with was really cool, the date seemed to go very well. We went to a half bar-half food place got a drink and shared an appetizer. Then we walked around a bit just talking to each other--about work, traveling (something we both love to do), family, school, etc. I've really been trying to implement the idea of vulnerability in my interactions now after reading Mark's most recent book. At the same time I was trying to create a physical aspect to the date as well. Moments of hand on the small of her back, and eventually walking arm in arm--but she eventually broke us walking arm in arm when telling a story and did not return it so I figured she wasn't completely comfortable.

The second girl I focused purely on trying to connect with her, and from the advice of a female friend whose gone on a few online dates--to avoid making any physical contact and just get to know the person. Well I did this and the date went fantastic. She wants to go on a second date now etc.

So I guess my question is--is this how online dates should be done? Use the first date as a platform to basically connect with the person, and move on to the physical stuff for date 2 and beyond? Again, I am beyond new to dating people I meet online so any advice would be awesome.

In my experience, I've found that escalating aggressively works well for me. I almost unilaterally suggest getting physical quickly and smoothly escalating through progressively more sexual kinds of contact.

More quantitatively, in my experience, about a third of the girls I've met through OKCupid were down to have sex the first night, and another third were on the second date. Most were very receptive to my forwardness, and those that were not I found that I was not compatible with for other reasons. There's almost certainly some filtering going on here, though.

I've also found that combining escalation with authentically stating your feelings (e.g. "I'm really attracted to you") is very potent, especially the more genuinely you feel it.

Ultimately, though, you should be acting through your desires: do you want to have sex with her the first night? Then go for it. Would you rather wait until you know her better? Then inform her of your intentions and follow them. If your intentions differ substantially from hers, then it probably won't work out anyway.

Everybody has a different style when it comes to touch. In my experience some women like physical contact right away and some need to get more comfortable with you before so it's really all subjective.

In the book "Dating to Relating" he talks about Motion toward and Motion away. I try to keep that in mind when it comes to touching women. If she's making motion toward you through her verbal and nonverbal communication it's safe to say you can put your arm around her, hold hands, and escalate from there.

As far as online dating goes on OkCupid... these chicks are on there for a reason. Most of them are horney as hell.