(08-20-2011 01:20 PM)Traindom Wrote:  I can somewhat relate to him. I'm currently undergoing my last year in highschool and I still get harassed by freshmen and sophomores (what the hell haha) even though I'm huge compare to them!

I don't know if this is it, but is it the idea that these guys think they can do this to you? The fact that in their heads, they went, "Hey look at this guy. Imma fuck with him." That if it were some huge sonofabitch that they wouldn't dare even breath in his direction, let alone diss him? I can definitely relate.

But considering the fact he was inebriated, you should let it slide. A drunk is lost in his own world. They'd fight with a wall if they thought it looked at them funny. When it comes to people well and sober doing this, that's when it gets serious, in my opinion.

It doesn't matter if they are drunk or not, don't get into a fight unless you believe you're in danger and have no other option. I started Krav Maga in the winter and the first thing the instructors taught was to avoid a fight at all costs. Way too many guys think fighting is "cool" or macho and don't realize how badly you can get hurt especially if your opponent knows what they are doing. It's always better to walk away.

I know I know. What I meant with the last sentence is that if the harassment is constant, a day after day affair, then it's not as easy to brush off. It's a matter of reporting to the proper offices if in an office setting or school setting, etc.

I hate fighting. It's too intense for me actually. I was never advocating getting into anything. Like I said, the psychological profile of some of these people out in the streets is extremely unpredictable and wild beyond your imagination. I don't know if you're familiar with that female boxing coach who almost pushed through a young man into the spotlight. In the documentary, she described this deeply seeded inner hatred she harvested. She went into detail on how some days she was just waiting for an excuse to literally kill someone. Apparently she was molested while growing up, which led up to those deep emotional issues. Just imagine, people out there are waiting for a peep out of you just to go crazy.

I don't know if you read my posts, but I shamelessly advocate running away. It's not shameful. It's self-preservation. The chances of an average joe excelling in fighting decrease as their upbringing increases. Basically, unless you were put in a position to have to smack the hell out of someone since your youth, chances are you aren't going to be the most ruthless, instinctive fighter.

I've been pushed into similar positions where the common man thinks, "Op, I got this." only to realize I don't "got this." Just the other day I went to a firing range and fired weapons for the first time. It was more intense then I could ever imagine. It's pretty scary, to be honest. The point is that people, unintentionally or not, have this idea that when worst comes, they have the situation handled when in fact they would freeze up into a complete mess, myself included.

You have to develop a thick skin. If you look uptight, and slightly out of your depth, then street cats and those types of lurkers/bums/assholes/whoever pick up on that.

If you feel comfortable and used to the area you're in, you become more part of the furniture and you don't look out of place.

Personally thats why I like to go out in areas I know well. I know what kind of people are around there and what to expect. Getting drunk in random areas and spilling out to the street late at night is always going to be more dangerous. Plus, as I get older(I'm not old but becoming really boring already lol) I just can't be arsed for regular treks across my city to get home after a night out.

But yeah, either way, its always going to happen sometime. Avoid confrontations always and yeah, ignore any shit someone says to you on a street.

There's a lot to be said about being a person who is not easily offended.

1. "Can I ride home on your back?" Is so harmless... there have to be some deep seated anger/ ego issues to take so much out of something so slight.

2. Reporting people to authorities as said may be counter productive, especially if it's just shallow verbal abuse.

3. While fighting isn't the optimal solution 98% of the time. There is something to be said for learning how to handle yourself anyway.

I was attacked by 5 guys while walking to the bus stop at night during senior year of high school. I was somewhat stoned and just peacefully walking by while they were fighting amongst themselves. Then they all turn on me as their new outlet. As soon as they come at me, I have my hands up(1). I hit one, I keep as many of them in front of me as I can...1 slips behind me and slams me on the concrete, they get a few kicks in, I stand up ASAP (2) in this adrenalin rush that knocks 2 of them onto the ground... I consider kicking the closest one... then I see an opening and run balls out(3).

Lesson: A variety of simple tactics can prevent you from being seriously injured/killed. Once you are knocked out, you're done. Running is a good tactic but won't work as well if you're surrounded or cornered.

Aha. That's when you fight and THEN run away.

And on a side note, I didn't notice that that was the comment from the drunk. It sounds pretty harmless and funny. The kind of harassment I was referring to was more physical in nature. Disregard the anger issue in my prior post then.

@Mark:I've got some leads on that, but when do you know you're deep enough in the rabbit hole?

@shadow, Flow & Traindom
About the "Can I ride on your back home". It's just the last thing that happened. It didn't really get me and it could be funny but maybe his gesticulation was affected by the alcohol which made it sound really serious. And I had just 3 hours of sleep that night, so I was very irritated already. That could explain why I considered that offensive. I just remembered the feeling I got back then and now I rerender that situation (having slept enough), you're right, it's stupid.
But this particular (bad) example is not the point. I've heard explicitly offensive provocative stuff thrown at me, which makes my inner temperature rise. It's really not that I'm even trying to buy the "alpha" stuff, on the contrary. I was wondering about that desire to punch them which is probably an indicator of some deeper issues.
I always try to relativate myself and certainly can laugh with my mistakes/shortcomings. To the degree of sometimes total self-doubt. People that know me would call me anything but a "alpha macho man".

@Traindom

Quote:I can somewhat relate to him. I'm currently undergoing my last year in highschool and I still get harassed by freshmen and sophomores (what the hell haha) even though I'm huge compare to them!

I don't know if this is it, but is it the idea that these guys think they can do this to you? The fact that in their heads, they went, "Hey look at this guy. Imma fuck with him." That if it were some huge sonofabitch that they wouldn't dare even breath in his direction, let alone diss him? I can definitely relate.

You nailed the feeling for a part. A "what, do I look like some loser"-thought could pop up. And that's a confidence issue. But it's not all of it.
I can't see the exact context of the situations you describe. But as I understand it, it's just some young mini-dudes trying to mess with you, they're not seriously thinking "imma fuck with him" (else they must be really stupid). It's just playing. And I don't think I would be offended by that. Kinda irritated yeah, but they're just mini-dudes unseriously messing around.

@thread
And now I think I know what kind of people irritates me really. It's people who seriously think they're totally the shit (while they really aren't), better than anyone around them and like to let the whole world know it by disrespecting random people. You could describe it as extreme fake alpha behavior. It just get the worst in me and I don't know why. It's like what militant atheistic darwinists must feel for conservative creationists who shout "creation rulez" from the rooftops. You want to tell them the "truth", in a way they would definitely remember.

And now I get the mechanism, it is like:
1. Some (optionally drunk) asshole says some explicitly provocative shit to you (or a friend) / behaves in a provocative disrespectful way.
2. What I think then is that he thinks he is so much better than me and anyone around, he thinks he's the total supa-dupa flying circus golden shit and everyone (or at least me) must know and acknowledge it.
3. And then I wonder why this (probably drunk) piece of shit thinks he owns the world, how he dares insulting me/my friends and why.
4. Then the "what, do I look like a loser? I'm not. Am I?" thought may pop up, especially if it was addressed to you. That's probably the self-doubt and insufficient confidence talking. Is this why one could take it personal?
5. The last two thoughts (the first of the two alone would do it too) feed the itch to "prove" something to the SOB.

Notes:
- Of course I can't know what he really thinks, although in some wanna-be-gangsta-cases and/or really explicit provocations out of nowhere it's pretty clear. And in some cases it may be he didn't really mean it like it came out of him. Maybe it was supposed to be funny or something. That's probably another thing why one should go with option A, relativate the situation and not feel offended. But still, my hands start itching if I interpret it that way.

Is this mechanism-analysis deep enough in the rabbit hole?
Do I have an ego issue, considering the mechanism described?
How must one handle/control/eliminate that feeling?
How should one react to this shit? Probably you should at least say back some funny stuff as a counter-strike? Although this could escalate things if misinterpreted/not done properly or the dude is really a hard-ass.
Do I have some confidence issue or is it just a "normal", what one could call, Militant Darwinist syndrome which some people have? Does anyone have the same?

I think I tend not to get so angry at these people, to be perfectly honest, because of my instinctive superiority complex. My immediate reaction if somebody does obnoxious shit while drunk is "what a moron." I'm not saying this is the most virtuous reaction, but I just tend to be dismissive of people who are acting like this, so I don't pay much mind to who they think they are or who they think I am.

One of them was grabbing my ass for fun in the bathroom. I forgot to mention that (intentionally, it's a little embarassing). I calmed down about the situation later, but come on, it's totally an invasion of personal space. If it was a "Haha, look at him!" kind of thing, pfft I'd keep on walking, haters gonna hate style. I hope this sounds reasonable.

Aaaand, I'm okay with it now, because looking back, when I was younger, some older girls would do the same thing walking up the stairs at school (which I didn't mind looking back at it). I must have some Kim Kardashian thing going on back there or something!

I've bumped into people spilled their drinks on them etc. Even had people be drunk and talk shit to me etc. I always disarm them by giving some compliment and giving my hand out for a shake. The idea is that people are out to meet people and make a connection. They get frustrated and resort to getting aggressive etc and need an excuse to let those emotions go. Don't be that guy that gets the short end of the stick. Give them a little love disarm them and carry on.