If I took one thing from this Forum that was a nugget it would be the suggestion to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy". What a powerful book on being a man and approval seeking from Women.

One thing I drew easily from the book and Nice guys joining the PUA community was the idea that a Nice guy who can't do wrong or always has to be good and perfect can learn PUA techniques and game and never have to have a woman upset with him again, reject him, dump him, and he can live this perfect smooth dating life.

That is the Trap Nice guys get into when getting into PUA. They don't get that in the journey some girls will not like them, get pissy at them, reject them, etc. But they are still Ok as they are.

The book illustrated that no PUA system will give you a happy problem free dating life, there will be magical happy moments in the game but you also must deal with the drawbacks and dissaproval, and conflict.

I guess Mark illustrated this in some of his articles??

I agree with the theme you're putting forward. I used to be afraid of pissing people off. The hardest obstacle for me to overcome was "living with the guilt." Whenever I fought with my sister, the word "sorry" would have to blow from me. I couldn't help it. It was the only way I could put the past in the past, to bypass the fumes of anger.

Bit by bit, I started to adopt a "screw it mentality," at least for a little while. Of course this too wasn't perfect, but it was the push I needed to live with rejection. I managed to take on better mentalities, healthier ones. It's that anger for me that used to be a problem, if you know what I mean.

And I'm glad I had heavier than usual conflict with siblings. I learned that there is absolutely no chance to please anyone forever. And if there was, it probably wouldn't be worth it if you want it that bad. The best you can do is make good first impressions anyway. Make the friends you will. and pass by the friends you won't make.

I think he has illustrated this on his blog and on his posts as well.

I think it's a simple but powerful concept that everyone should have for sure.

Yep, Family is a big root of it all. Glad you are comming along.

The catch paradox is with PUA, we get into it to overcome this, but learning methods systems etc amplifies the Nice guy syndrome. He wonders since the PUA techniques aren't working and he's not getting the approval there is something wrong with him so he needs to buy more bootcamps or products.

In reality he needs to learn a few techniques and manage his anxiety and deal with the frustration and rejection and manage it. This will free him to meet women he can connect with in addition to other self improvement thats not approval seeking to women.

(08-17-2011 12:08 PM)pros80 Wrote:  Yep, Family is a big root of it all. Glad you are comming along.

The catch paradox is with PUA, we get into it to overcome this, but learning methods systems etc amplifies the Nice guy syndrome. He wonders since the PUA techniques aren't working and he's not getting the approval there is something wrong with him so he needs to buy more bootcamps or products.

In reality he needs to learn a few techniques and manage his anxiety and deal with the frustration and rejection and manage it. This will free him to meet women he can connect with in addition to other self improvement thats not approval seeking to women.

You just summed up like the first 50 pages of my book.

I'm heavily influenced by "No More Mr. Nice Guy." I've read it a few times over the years.

Wow. It still hits you after all these years? I can't wait to read it! Except I got like three books (excluding two summer reading books) on my list. Graahh.

It doesn't have the same effect though. Going through it subsequent times is always kind of a new experience because I relate to the behaviors described differently now than I did back in 2006 or whenever I first read it.

I also re-read it just to keep me on point on what we're all actually doing here, women aside. It's very, very, very easy to get side-tracked in this market and talk about stuff that's unimportant or that is only tangentially useful.

I always tell people serious about pick up to move it to the front of their reading list. I'll tell you the same thing.

I read No More Mr. Nice Guy this summer and it was an eye opener. On a similar note I'm curious to hear how many guys who read "pickup" material are only children or have parents who exhibit social anxiety. Both my parents are home bodies who rarely have people over, and I am also an only child. I think that during my childhood I never learned how to socialize effectively and was always viewed as the shy kid. It's something I've been working hard at changing and hopefully it will pay off.

I'll make sure to read it promptly then. Thanks again.

(08-17-2011 02:20 PM)Todd1 Wrote:  I read No More Mr. Nice Guy this summer and it was an eye opener. On a similar note I'm curious to hear how many guys who read "pickup" material are only children or have parents who exhibit social anxiety. Both my parents are home bodies who rarely have people over, and I am also an only child. I think that during my childhood I never learned how to socialize effectively and was always viewed as the shy kid. It's something I've been working hard at changing and hopefully it will pay off.

I wouldn't say that my parents have social anxiety, but, it pretty rare that they have people over that aren't family... My father's kinda always working... be it at work, or around the house, it's keeping him busy. And my mother, I don't know, she spends a lot of time with family and stuff...

That said, my father's never been much home when I was a kid, and he's more outgoing than my mother, but still even if he his more outgoing, if he wasn't there to "model" for me back then... I'm not blaming him though, it wouldn't do any good.


well all that just to say that you're definitely not alone.

Yeah part way through it. Very good so far. Wish I found it years ago. Definitely getting a lot out of it but I've sort of worked through a lot of this stuff on my own already. That said, I happened to see my serious ex of two years last weekend, and was thinking "oh shit i totally did all that"