I feel slightly confused with what i have read & heard about eye contact so far.
I'm looking for what is acceptable vs what is creepy, tips on how to improve, feedback and expierience are all welcome.
i realize it might be a strange question to some, but i can not find clear information on the subject.

Thanks in advance
Nithaera.

1. When you first meet a girl and lock eyes, never look away first.
2. Think of eye contact as important as a first impression. You want her to see your confidence through the way you look at her.
3. It's not creepy to hold eye contact, I suggest 90% of the time until you get used to it.

Tips on how to improve: Hold eye contact with everybody you meet, even your buddies. Think about how you feel when you're giving someone eye contact. Awkwardness? If so change that mind set. You want to have a quiet confidence when doing it. Also, looking at a few videos of a person giving good eye contact can't hurt either.

When you're one on one with someone, there are very few reasons i can think of not to look them in the eyes a fair amount of the time. You'll learn to listen to the other person better also. They say your eyes are the window to your soul, so good question to ask because it is important.

Playmaker gave good advice, definitely listen. I have two things to add:

1. As a rule of thumb, you should almost always maintain eye contact when speaking, and maintain it while listening with occasional looking away so as not to be too intense. When you look away, have your eyes go to the sides or up, never down.

2. When you're having longer interactions, and for coworkers/friends/etc, you will start to get a feel for how much the other person is maintaining eye contact and how much they are comfortable with. Having you mirror them somewhat will help them be at ease. With people who are shyer with eye contact, I still mostly maintain it when speaking but roughly mirror how much they make eye contact when listening.

(08-03-2011 10:16 AM)CPG Wrote:  Playmaker gave good advice, definitely listen. I have two things to add:

1. As a rule of thumb, you should almost always maintain eye contact when speaking, and maintain it while listening with occasional looking away so as not to be too intense. When you look away, have your eyes go to the sides or up, never down.

Actually, people generally hold eye contact longer when listening than when speaking. This is probably due to the fact that it's hard to think while holding eye contact (it's "intense"), so whenever people think of what to say they look away.

When listening, maintain calm eye contact, while occasionally looking away. When speaking, just have as much eye contact as you can comfortably. You can look away when you're thinking, but don't look away all the time. It's also important what you do with the rest of your body. Don't fidget with your hands. Relax your body. Don't move your head or eyes or body super fast, because it looks tense. Look at socially skilled people around you and see how they talk.

Locking eyes with a woman you see in the street or in a club is basically a non-verbal "conversation" to see if you like each other. A girl will quickly look away if she's not interested at that time. When a girl holds eye contact, she's telling you "I'm interested in you".

Holding eye contact with a woman in the street or a club for example isn't creepy. Not until you have had eye contact with a girl, and then you KEEP staring at her after that, without approaching her. If a girl held eye contact with you you can approach her, but if in stead of approaching you just stare at her continuously, she's going to be creeped out.

Holding eye contact while talking with someone never has to be creepy. I guess it becomes creepy when you look too intense, like you're on drugs or something, or when you don't give the person his personal space (you stand too close for example).

While talking to her, look into ONE eye only. Do not switch between her two eyes.

This makes you come over as more relaxed and more confident.

If just recently started to make a deliberate effort to make good eye contact with the attractive women I see or am talking to (and everyone else actually) and am finding myself amazed at some of the positive responses I'm getting just for holding some eye contact. Smiles and signs of interest like I've never noticed before in my life!

There's a book I've been reading called "The power of eye contact" and although it repeats it self a bit I actually have found it pretty helpful and a good match for Mark's book. The author talks about how evolutionarily speaking, making strong eye contact is to make yourself vulnerable because it allows others to learn so much about you and your state at that moment. There was more about vulnerability that had me seeing parallels with Mark's book as well.

Eye contact is the most powerful IOI, especially when you get it from women.

Can anyone add to this in terms of eye contact in groups?

I try to smile with a confident grinn... I have a shit-eating grinn on my face when I lie, it's a tell in my family and I try to emulate that because it shows confidence, comfort and maybe a little bad boy.

I feel like I have no trouble making eye contact, and even getting it again, but my problem is I have trouble approaching even women making eye contact with me. I feel like I always need excuses to approach even after the eye contact