I'm a 20 years old kissless virgin, i kind of became a social misfit, i'm very negative, i am of the idea that looks are everything, there are people who put real effort in it doing something like 500-1000 approaches with no success, i can't see why.

Gurus always say that you don't have to do anything special and that you're enough. It seems that is not the case for people who did that many approaches.

I also understand that focussing on "getting the girl" is not the optimal strategy to actually get her.
If this is really a skill i can see why that doesn't work well, i have personal experiences with internet poker, i've always been outcome dependant, always focussed on making money instead of improving, yes i did get better after hours and hours and hours of poker, i became a breakeven player, i made money only through rakeback.

But i still can't find an explanation for those guys with 500-1000 approaches,wasn't sex natural? Wasn't it easy?

Anyway i'm here because, i'm tired of being the way i am, i want to get my shit together and i'm sure that being here, i'll become a more positive, productive person instead of focussing on the unfairness,on the problems instead of the solutions.After all when i'm around negative/whiner people i become worse too, so i'll try the other way around

So this kinda reminds me of a story of a famous psychologist named Albert Ellis who, when he was young, was extremely afraid of women. So what he decided to do one summer was to ride up and down the New York subway and ask out every attractive women he saw. He approached on the magnitude of tens of thousands of women by the end of that summer. He didn't sleep with a single one of them. However, what did happen was that he began to recognize after repeated approaches that a) the world doesn't end when a girl turns you down, b) given that, a girl turning him down really had no bearing on his self-esteeem at all and c) he began to feel more and more comfortable talking to women, and he felt like he could approach and talk to any woman he saw. Keep in mind, this was in the 1950's before there were PUA's and the community and whatever. In fact, he would wake up in the morning before he went out to do this and he would be excited - not at the prospect of picking up women, but at the prospect of becoming fearless.

So, the question is, have you put in 1000 approaches? You may "hear" of people who put in 1000 approaches that have no success, but that doesn't matter as much as you putting in your 1000 approaches and seeing what you learn about yourself. Anything other than that is really just making excuses.

(07-31-2011 03:11 AM)Trickster Wrote:  So this kinda reminds me of a story of a famous psychologist named Albert Ellis who, when he was young, was extremely afraid of women. So what he decided to do one summer was to ride up and down the New York subway and ask out every attractive women he saw. He approached on the magnitude of tens of thousands of women by the end of that summer. He didn't sleep with a single one of them. However, what did happen was that he began to recognize after repeated approaches that a) the world doesn't end when a girl turns you down, b) given that, a girl turning him down really had no bearing on his self-esteeem at all and c) he began to feel more and more comfortable talking to women, and he felt like he could approach and talk to any woman he saw. Keep in mind, this was in the 1950's before there were PUA's and the community and whatever. In fact, he would wake up in the morning before he went out to do this and he would be excited - not at the prospect of picking up women, but at the prospect of becoming fearless.

So, the question is, have you put in 1000 approaches? You may "hear" of people who put in 1000 approaches that have no success, but that doesn't matter as much as you putting in your 1000 approaches and seeing what you learn about yourself. Anything other than that is really just making excuses.

As beautiful as it may sound, i'm not really that interested in a magical jorney to discover myself, i just want to find someone i'm attracted to, to love and which loves me back. The sad thing is that when i go outside the girls i'm attracted to feel so out of my league.

The more I do "pick-up" the more I realize is really more of a personal journey than it is a quest to get laid. I think we all want someone attractive who loves us - but consider that someone can only like us if we like ourselves, and part of this entire process, in fact, most of this entire process is building the self-confidence to meet, attract, and be with the person you want to be. That, in and of itself, is a personal journey.

You say these girls feel out of your league. Ironically they are, if you already think that way. The fact is, you never know if they're out of your league unless you talk to them, but if you've already given up without trying, then you've precluded yourself, they haven't done it to you.

Buy Mark's book - it's a revelation, and it will be an important first step to building a life and skillset for meeting the person you want to meet. But the number one thing that holds you back isn't her and isn't the world, it's yourself.

Quote:As beautiful as it may sound, i'm not really that interested in a magical jorney to discover myself, i just want to find someone i'm attracted to, to love and which loves me back. The sad thing is that when i go outside the girls i'm attracted to feel so out of my league.

You can't separate these two things. You can't expect to change your relationships without changing yourself.

Hey RealityCheck,

what would it feel like to know that all you have to do in order to get a date with an "out of your league"-girl is to walk into a park, find one hot girl, cold approach her, flirt with her for 10 minutes, and then make her come with you on a spontanous date? What would this feel like, if you could make this happen every day? I can tell you from myself, it's a nice feeling. However, I more and more feel like it's nothing special, it's just a habit.

When I started cold approach pick up as an introverted nerd without any social skills, I had to face 300 (or maybe more) rejections in a row. Can you bear 300 (or more) rejections in row? Girls ignoring you, or girls laughing about you with her friends after having rejected you? This happened to me. Can you bear that? I did. Because I knew that if I get over this and continue with this day after day after day for a long time, I would one day ultimately reach the point when I just had to walk into the park to get a spontanous date with a hot female stranger.

No offence, but just on the basis of your initial post, you don't seem to be a guy who has the willpower required for this. You come over like a guy who gives up after 30 or 50 rejections in a row.

I hope for you that I am wrong on this, and that you have more willpower than it comes across in your post.

I wish you good luck.

Hey,

welcome to the forum, good to see you are taking steps to try to improve your life. You asked why, if you don't need to "do anything" to get a girl, and sex is natural, do some guys do 1000 approaches with no success. The answer is that when gurus say you don't need to do anything, they are oversimplifying things. The truth is, once you get a level of skill at this, things happen automatically, but the path to get there is by deliberately focusing on certain things.

If you want to know specifically why guys who do a ton of approaches fail, I think it's one of two reasons: they don't take care of themselves, or they use a bad approach over and over.

In terms of the "bad approach over and over" as mark has pointed out, there are two kinds of guys who have trouble with women: guys who are oblivious to social cues, and guys who have a ton of social anxiety. My guess is, you think you are the first type, but in reality you are the second. People I know who struggle with negativity of the kind you are describing often feel socially uncomfortable when they don't need to, are acutely aware of any faux-pas they make (even when other people don't really care about it) etc. Thus, it might seem to you like you can't do anything right socially, but i suspect you are to a large extent psyching yourself out.

(07-31-2011 07:38 AM)Jon Wrote:  Hey,

welcome to the forum, good to see you are taking steps to try to improve your life. You asked why, if you don't need to "do anything" to get a girl, and sex is natural, do some guys do 1000 approaches with no success. The answer is that when gurus say you don't need to do anything, they are oversimplifying things. The truth is, once you get a level of skill at this, things happen automatically, but the path to get there is by deliberately focusing on certain things.

If you want to know specifically why guys who do a ton of approaches fail, I think it's one of two reasons: they don't take care of themselves, or they use a bad approach over and over.

In terms of the "bad approach over and over" as mark has pointed out, there are two kinds of guys who have trouble with women: guys who are oblivious to social cues, and guys who have a ton of social anxiety. My guess is, you think you are the first type, but in reality you are the second. People I know who struggle with negativity of the kind you are describing often feel socially uncomfortable when they don't need to, are acutely aware of any faux-pas they make (even when other people don't really care about it) etc. Thus, it might seem to you like you can't do anything right socially, but i suspect you are to a large extent psyching yourself out.

I think you're spot on, though i didn't know that my anxiety would influence things that badly

General G Wrote:Hey RealityCheck,

what would it feel like to know that all you have to do in order to get a date with an "out of your league"-girl is to walk into a park, find one hot girl, cold approach her, flirt with her for 10 minutes, and then make her come with you on a spontanous date? What would this feel like, if you could make this happen every day? I can tell you from myself, it's a nice feeling. However, I more and more feel like it's nothing special, it's just a habit.

When I started cold approach pick up as an introverted nerd without any social skills, I had to face 300 (or maybe more) rejections in a row. Can you bear 300 (or more) rejections in row? Girls ignoring you, or girls laughing about you with her friends after having rejected you? This happened to me. Can you bear that? I did. Because I knew that if I get over this and continue with this day after day after day for a long time, I would one day ultimately reach the point when I just had to walk into the park to get a spontanous date with a hot female stranger.

No offence, but just on the basis of your initial post, you don't seem to be a guy who has the willpower required for this. You come over like a guy who gives up after 30 or 50 rejections in a row.

I hope for you that I am wrong on this, and that you have more willpower than it comes across in your post.

I wish you good luck.

You're an ispiration for me,yes you're spot on, i'm that kind of guy

Don't underestimate the factor your looks play in the interactions with women though. I recommend getting a new style if you don't have a good fashion sense already. When you look good, you feel good. Body language is another easy tweak that goes a long way. Get both of those out of the way before you start approaching women. Once you've done that it will get you into the mood to keep improving yourself/ your game because you already took two crucial steps in the right direction.

Try to better every aspect of your life.

f.e. you can also learn social skills by just hanging out with a lot of friends.

If a task seems to daunting, divide it into smaller chunks. This works wonders. So don't panic if you can't do something straight away. Your willpower and self discipline will get stronger by doing this.

I can recommend Mark's G3 program. It will help you a lot!

I wish you the best and congratulations for your courage!