It profiles Dan Savage and his influence on the culture via his sex and relationships column ("Savage Love"). (Another great read, BTW)

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/magazi...wanted=all

He's a gay man and does a good job of articulating the diversity of the male perspective on sex very clearly. He also has some very nuanced and intelligent perspectives on monogamy and non-monogamy (and not just for gay relationships).

Wow that was a long read. Consider me in the group of "old school, conservative, nostalgists' who think monogamy is the way to go, but I absolutely think that things like this need to be talked about in any relationship. And by that I mean, I think you need to be open and honest that you're not going to be thinking about fucking your partner 24/7 and you need to figure out ways to keep things interesting between the 2 of you. I'm not a big proponent of straying. It seems like a selfish indulgence that Savage is trying to justify under the guise of normalcy.

However, this is my favourite quote from the article:

“If you are expected to be monogamous and have one person be all things sexually for you, then you have to be whores for each other,” Savage says. “You have to be up for anything.”


Right on.

@DaveyDrama
Makes sense. I don't think he's saying "everyone" needs to be non-monogamous, more that those who venture in to a long-term relationship or marriage with a naive view of these things are in for potential trouble.

People who talk about it, recognize the potential threats to a relationship, and come to agreements that work for both parties, are more likely to move forward. And "agreement" could be anywhere from "looking at porn or thinking about another woman = CHEATING!" to "you can only have sex with someone else when I'm in the room" to ???

Ultimately, it's futile to try to extrapolate what works for one couple to the entire world. I think one reason why monogamy is such a strong force is that it "mostly works", for "most people", "most of the time". I don't foresee a day where there's a set of relationship rules that works perfectly, for all people, all of the time.

(07-02-2011 12:37 AM)equilibrium Wrote:  I think one reason why monogamy is such a strong force is that it "mostly works", for "most people", "most of the time". I don't foresee a day where there's a set of relationship rules that works perfectly, for all people, all of the time.

Agreed. Monogamy isn't for everyone. Neither is marriage.

@ Davey, just noticed your new signature - funny thing is, I'd be more pissed off by being called a pickup artist than a player.

(07-03-2011 08:42 AM)Jon Wrote:  @ Davey, just noticed your new signature - funny thing is, I'd be more pissed off by being called a pickup artist than a player.

I'm still waiting for somebody to realize where it's from and who said it lol that was kinda the point of it .. nobody, really??

(07-03-2011 08:48 AM)DaveyDrama Wrote:  I'm still waiting for somebody to realize where it's from and who said it lol that was kinda the point of it .. nobody, really??

You got me curious so I googled it.

Ahahaha there it is! Kosmo! LOL gotta change it to something less rediculous now

LOL... yeah, there is a difference. Pimps and players actually get laid. Hahaha...

You know, I met Kosmo once.

Yeah you mentioned that. Hey, I'd walk around wearing my medallion too buddy. That is some serious bling