First, nice idea, Entropy !
I saw you at the Hamburg Lair 1 1/2 years ago, I even asked you some questions about dating !

Since then, I got some more experience, but still:

Making number-closes // facebook-closes // is not so hard for me.

But I'm playing a numbers game... I have many flakes. Still I get some fuck closes, but not always the hottest chicks. So it's more that I ask so many girls until I find one that wants it. ..or two, or three...

When I say: I focus on the girls I want...my mind becomes very insecure and serious.

When I say: Fuck off, I do anything to have fun and approach any girl passing by that looks somehow attractive...., I get more closes.

But still, there is no "solid game"...

So the general question would be:

What does a guy wrong that has many closes, but few fuck closes ?

(Approaching women was never a REAL problem for me)

So basically, you have a high percentage of flaking. You open well and get their numbers but almost none of them ever come through. This means a couple things:

1) Many of these girls are giving you their numbers out of politeness, not interest.
2) Many of these girls are losing their interest in you after some time passes.

Generally, a large amount of flakes usually means that you're focusing too much on attraction/humor type stuff and not enough on personal conversations and connecting. I always tell guys that entertaining and amusing girls will get you a number easily, but three days later when she's forgotten all of your jokes, doesn't remember what you guys talked about, and is sober, what inclination does she have to answer your calls/texts?

You need to show her the real you and get to know the real her. Women give numbers out because a guy is fun and interesting. They pick up his call because he's unique and there's something special about him. So when you call/text her, she needs to think, "Oh, it's that guy with the funny joke about my shoes." She needs to think, "Oh, it's the guy I had that amazing conversation about growing up in Austria with" or whatever. The point is, there needs to be some significance and depth to the conversations you're having. If all you talk about is superficial and surface-level stuff, you're not going to make a lasting impression.

If you talk about deep life stuff, and really get to know her as an individual and let her know you as an individual, then she's going to remember you, you're going to stand out, appear far more interesting, and she's going to be excited to see you again.

Thanxxxx,
this tells me that the best way is probably to show very honest interest and being "real", probably my stuff is too "routined" and more entertaining than building a deep connection !

I will change this !

(04-08-2011 07:18 AM)Mark Wrote:  So basically, you have a high percentage of flaking. You open well and get their numbers but almost none of them ever come through. This means a couple things:

1) Many of these girls are giving you their numbers out of politeness, not interest.
2) Many of these girls are losing their interest in you after some time passes.

Generally, a large amount of flakes usually means that you're focusing too much on attraction/humor type stuff and not enough on personal conversations and connecting. I always tell guys that entertaining and amusing girls will get you a number easily, but three days later when she's forgotten all of your jokes, doesn't remember what you guys talked about, and is sober, what inclination does she have to answer your calls/texts?

You need to show her the real you and get to know the real her. Women give numbers out because a guy is fun and interesting. They pick up his call because he's unique and there's something special about him. So when you call/text her, she needs to think, "Oh, it's that guy with the funny joke about my shoes." She needs to think, "Oh, it's the guy I had that amazing conversation about growing up in Austria with" or whatever. The point is, there needs to be some significance and depth to the conversations you're having. If all you talk about is superficial and surface-level stuff, you're not going to make a lasting impression.

If you talk about deep life stuff, and really get to know her as an individual and let her know you as an individual, then she's going to remember you, you're going to stand out, appear far more interesting, and she's going to be excited to see you again.

Would you advocate this "connecting" if one wants a day2 and escalating like a perv if one wants an One Night Stand?

I can vouch for what Mark is saying here. Just recently I had this girl that seemed really into me start to act Flakey. We had been out a few times and she had come back to my place the last time and we got hot and heavy but didn't go all the way. At first I was a bit disappointed but now I'm glad. Thing is, we hadn't really made a deeper connection yet, even after seeing each other 3 times. So anyways, since that time she came to my place she started to act a bit flakey. She was supposed to call me last weekend but she didn't. She ignored a couple of my texts, etc. Eventually I phoned her (on a wednesday) and suggested we meet up on Friday. She said that could work, and I should give her a call on Friday. I said no, I want to make plans now otherwise I'm going to make other plans. She's a sweet girl and I could tell that she was just being nice but she agreed to meet up for an early dinner on Friday night. So Friday comes around and we meet up for an early dinner. By this time I had already realized what was happening. We weren't making a deep enough connection, there wasn't enough intimacy, we hadn't really shared ourselves yet. So I made the decision that I was going to start digging a bit deeper and finding out who this person really was. I started light but worked my way up to some pretty heavy stuff and she totally opened up to me about her life, her pas relationship, who she wants to be, her relationship with her mom, her relationships with her friends, etc. I found out more about this girl than I had in the past 3 dates. Everything up until now had been physical attraction but let me tell you that physical attraction can only get you so far, if you want to take things to the next level you have to stimulate a woman emotionally and reach out to her intimately. Get her to share herself with you, and share yourself with her. Before I knew it we were having some seriously deep conversation and sharing a lot about ourselves. Our dinner went about 3 hours, after that she suggested we go and get drinks. Funny thing is at the beginning of the date she told me she had to meet up with friends after, and now she is wanting to get drinks. So we go and have some drinks, now we talk about some lighter things like how stupid TV is and how awesome books are, but there is a connection now, we feel connected. We do some light kissing, hold hands, when we leave the bar I pull her to me and we have a crazy makeout session. She tells me kissing me is interesting and exciting. We walk for a bit, eventually I say i gotta go and she should go meet up with her friends, she's sad, we end the date.

Next morning she texts me telling me what a great night she had. From Flake to completely interested. All because of emotional connection and intimacy.

Also, there's one thing I have realized lately, and not just because of this but because of some other experiences in the past month or so. This is probably just a personal thing, but I really enjoy myself so much more when I am with a girl that I am connecting with on an intimate level as well as a physical level. It feels so good to really connect with another human being and share. Even if I never do go all the way with this particular girl, the feeling of making a genuine connection and being so conversationally intimate with each other is just as good, if not better than if on the previous date we had had sex purely based on physical attraction. Still though, can't wait to hit it even more so now blah blah blah, ramble ramble ramble.

Regards,
Soul_Fire

Quote:This is probably just a personal thing, but I really enjoy myself so much more when I am with a girl that I am connecting with on an intimate level as well as a physical level.

This. Many guys aren't in touch enough with their emotions to admit this. I think a desire for intimacy is a larger motivator than desire for sex, yet a lot of guys confuse the two.

I always thought the desire for attention was the biggest motivator?

Btw what do you mean with making a connection with somebody? ( maybe its the language barrier)

connection = emotionally investing in one another. Not as in like a relationship, but two people who relate to one another and therefore care about one another.