Hey guys,

I've a question: When you are in a relationship and you are going out with your best friends and they are single and doing pick up and they need some help with potential cockblocks or chatting with a friend of their target, do you do these things or not? And why?

(06-24-2011 12:13 AM)bluepeople12 Wrote:  Hey guys,

I've a question: When you are in a relationship and you are going out with your best friends and they are single and doing pick up and they need some help with potential cockblocks or chatting with a friend of their target, do you do these things or not? And why?

Yeah, and why not? It's healthy (and normal) to flirt, to be with your guy friends and talk to girls and have fun with their company. It's unhealthy to enter a relationship and become a changed man - in a completely repressed sense.

Moderation in everything, and even if being exclusive is your choice, it's a good idea to be as similar a person while inside a relationship or out. Relationships with more freedom/less mental hangups/ less "where were you last night and with who" phonecalls last longer as well.

If you have glaring guilt issues about this, it would be good to examine why.

It shouldn't be an issue if you don't make it one - doing what you want to do and not feeling constrained. Acting defensive around doing something normal - or merely thinking about it as a constraint - makes it taboo, and the other person will pick up on that. Coming off as defensive makes the other person possessive.

It's totally cool man, don't lock yourself in a cage for no reason.

Yeah, totally. I even told my girlfriend (when I had one) that I do it. By the same token, I have no problem if she flirts with a guy to occupy him while her friend talks to his friend.

Technically, it's fine. If you're just talking and dancing. But I mean, some guys are of the opinion that it's healthy to cheat, too. If you feel guilty about it, don't do it. There's no reason to force yourself into something that you don't feel right about. You shouldn't feel the need to 'examine' why you feel guilty about it, either. It's not healthy or unhealthy to have a different comfort zone than someone else.

I don't advocate cheating on this girl, and it doesn't sound like you will, but I do advocate asking yourself why you feel stressed to wing your boys and dance with girls.

If it (whatever action) doesn't hurt the relationship and you did it before, don't stop doing it now. If you didn't do it before and are still uncomfortable doing it now, then the question is not about the relationship but about your own comfort zone independent of the relationship.

What I'm trying to say is: if you always used to wing your boys/mack on chicks/ dance with girls, then quitting cold-turkey will have negative long term effects on you - and counterintuitively, on your relationship. Operative word: cold turkey/not as a natural evolution of sorts. If the above things were new for you in the first place, then no harm done.

But I digress - every reply on this thread says the same thing: it's okay to dance with girls when you have a girlfriend.

No, i'm not going to cheat my girlfriend.

It's right that I have some thoughts on is it right to dance with other girls while beeing in a relationship. When flirting there's no problem. And yes, I did it before (winging my friends). And it was normal to escalate and trying to have sex with her, that means to kiss her anytime and go home with her. But now when I am in a relationship and I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend.

My point is: I am thinking about that because dancing is a way to get close to another person and I think that this point could cause stress in a relationship.

Quote:My point is: I am thinking about that because dancing is a way to get close to another person and I think that this point could cause stress in a relationship.

You can wing perfectly without ever having to dance with a girl. If dancing stresses you out, don't bother with it because you don't need it for winging. If you're cool with flirting, just chat the girl up while your friends make their moves.

You're over-thinking it at this point dude. Don't do anything that makes you feel guilty. There's a big difference between winging for your buddy and taking the girl home with you.