Question for you guys. The main girl I've been seeing has a Birthday on July 4. We have been hanging out since the middle of April. About 2 1/2 months. It's not exclusive or anything yet (we have not had that talk) but we are starting to see each other 2 or 3 times a week depending on schedules. I've got a good idea of what I want to do for her birthday but I wanted to get an opinion on what the best way to go about this would be without sending the wrong message.

I want to send the message that I care about her without freaking her out and making it seem like I'm looking for a commitment. That's not what I want right now but I do want her to know I care about her. My plan was to without asking her or telling her anything, kind of a surprise... take her out to eat at a restaurant that I know she really likes because she has mentioned it before and then take her back to my place and have just a single cup cake or piece of cake (it won't matter) with one candle on top and sing happy birthday. I'm not sure if I should get her a card or what yet. Let me know what you guys think or what you would do in this situation?

Shouldn't freak her out unless she has serious paranoia about committment. Personally, I'd get a good bottle of wine instead of a cupcake, but that's just my personal style.

2-3 months? I wouldn't get her anything.

^ If he wants to see a 4th month, then he has to do something. The only thing that concerned me about your plan is that you are not going to tell her or ask her. From a female perspective, she will probably want to dress up a little and put on some makeup since its a special occasion. You don't have to tell her where you are going or any details, I think the surprise in it is nice, but at least tell her that you are taking her out and let her know to dress up a bit. Believe me, she will appreciate it. I say skip the card because it is only going to add complications as far as what to write. If you do the cupcake, get one for yourself too because she will feel awkward being the only one eating and you sitting there watching her will be weird. If you do the one piece of cake, same rules apply but you can just bring out two spoons to share it or whatever. Throw in a bday balloon and you should be pretty golden.

(06-24-2011 04:21 AM)youregettingitwrong Wrote:  ^ If he wants to see a 4th month, then he has to do something.

Totally disagree. They're not exclusive and haven't even talked about being exclusive. He has no obligation to get her anything.

if they are seeing eachother 2-3 times per week, it would be weird to not do SOMETHING for her birthday. Also, if they are seeing eachother 2-3 times per week and have been at it for a few months, odds are she's going to want it to be exclusive. That much frequency of contact is headed towards a relationship in most people's minds.

(06-24-2011 04:21 AM)youregettingitwrong Wrote:  From a female perspective, she will probably want to dress up a little and put on some makeup since its a special occasion. You don't have to tell her where you are going or any details, I think the surprise in it is nice, but at least tell her that you are taking her out and let her know to dress up a bit.

Depends on the girl and the restaurant. I had one ex who basically wouldn't leave the house without makeup and a nice looking outfit, so as long as it wasn't super fancy, I wouldn't need to tell her anything. She'd at least be in nice jeans. Other girls I have dated, this could be an issue (I prefer the former, really).

It's not like this is a long-term thing. If they're both seeing other people then it's not weird for him to just say 'Happy Birthday' and leave it at that. If they'd been exclusive for 2/3 months already then sure, absolutely. But they're not. I just feel like if you get a birthday present for someone who you're seeing but not dating and haven't even broached the subject with, it comes off as clingy/needy/desperate. A birthday drink whatever, sure, fine, but anything more than that conveys unattractive behaviour IMO.

(06-23-2011 06:44 AM)BrB Wrote:  It's not exclusive or anything yet (we have not had that talk) but we are starting to see each other 2 or 3 times a week depending on schedules. ...

This is not going to end well. That's a HIGH frequency of getting together. I don't even hang out with real girlfriends more than twice a week. Qualifier: I'm older, have a demanding engineering job, and tend to date women "for real" who are also busy. I have no idea how old you are or what your (and her) lifestyle is like, but without any more info $100 says that she thinks its an exclusive relationship, deep down. The fact that you haven't talked about it doesn't matter. Fix this problem pronto.

(06-24-2011 01:23 PM)Tim9000 Wrote:  

(06-23-2011 06:44 AM)BrB Wrote:  It's not exclusive or anything yet (we have not had that talk) but we are starting to see each other 2 or 3 times a week depending on schedules. ...

This is not going to end well. That's a HIGH frequency of getting together [...] $100 says that she thinks its an exclusive relationship, deep down. The fact that you haven't talked about it doesn't matter. Fix this problem pronto.

Truth.