"Concern with the outcome is based on your ego – it is fear and insecurity, and the need for security and control. The ideal outcome might provide your ego with a sense of worth for a short time, but it is only passing ... it will come and go. This can create anxiety, as your ego needs further reestablishment and proof that it is triumphant, producing a down-ward spiral. If someone isn’t interested in you, and you try to force them to be interested, you’ll only push them further away. However, if you are indifferent to the girl’s interest, but would still like to go for a drink with her, you’ll wait until the timing is right for her and the opportunity is available."

I copy and pasted this from an article a while ago. I couldn't find the article again but it brings up a great point. I wanted to get your thoughts on indifference. Sometimes I find myself drifting back and forth from not caring to caring too much. I guess it depends on the women I'm talking with. This can be an emotional roller coaster for me at times. Very big highs followed by big lows depending on the outcome (repeat). I'm still working on getting that under control. Any advice/thoughts? Let me know.

Of course you're going to care about whether a woman wants to spend time with you, otherwise why would you be interested in her? And it's going to change from woman to woman, depending on how attracted to her you are.

What you're looking for is to find the line between wanting to go on a date with a woman, and spending all your time thinking about it and how you can make it happen.

Indifference isn't quite the term I'd use. I'd say a healthy detachment is more of what you're looking for. And that's something that's best achieved by not directly trying to achieve it. Zen.

The best time to do this is when you don't have a woman you're currently keenly interested in. In that time, focus on working hard at your job, spending quality time with your friends, and enjoying your hobbies, or however else you think your time is best spent. Then when a woman who you do like comes along, keep living your life as before, and don't allow thinking about her to affect the effort and time you put into those aforementioned things. Sooner or later you'll be able to meet up, and then you can make the time for her.

If I could describe having a healthy detachment simply, I would say that it is being interested and attracted to a woman without having her detrimentally affect the quality of the time spent in the rest of your life.

Don't emotionally invest too much into one woman.

(06-17-2011 03:50 AM)Eros Wrote:  The best time to do this is when you don't have a woman you're currently keenly interested in. In that time, focus on working hard at your job, spending quality time with your friends, and enjoying your hobbies, or however else you think your time is best spent. Then when a woman who you do like comes along, keep living your life as before, and don't allow thinking about her to affect the effort and time you put into those aforementioned things. Sooner or later you'll be able to meet up, and then you can make the time for her.

If I could describe having a healthy detachment simply, I would say that it is being interested and attracted to a woman without having her detrimentally affect the quality of the time spent in the rest of your life.

Very well said... that makes a ton of sense. I usually run into these problems when I have a woman I've been dating for a while. It's time to man up.

There's a difference between wanting something, and attaching your self esteem to getting it. People act needy when they are craving the constant reassurance that comes from their love interest's approval. Guys will call girls too much because they can't handle not knowing if the girl likes them. It's fine to want a girl. It just becomes a problem when your sense of self worth gets wrapped up in it.