(05-30-2011 05:20 AM)General G Wrote:  

(05-29-2011 01:46 PM)Extropy Wrote:  Approaching just for the sake of training is silly.

Approaching for the sake of training is necessary. That's the way to develop decent skills.

I emphasize the "just".

When I was going out with some guys from PUA lair about two years ago, some of them had hundreds or thousands of approached and didn't get laid. They were opening girls they weren't interested in not expecting any success just to get their approach count up, just for the sake of training. They didn't like approaching, they didn't really enjoy meeting new people and weren't even expecting to get laid. That is a waste of time and won't get them anywhere.

Yes. Sometimes guys use approaching more sets as a way to avoid dealing with other situations or issues.

(05-30-2011 06:52 AM)Extropy Wrote:  

(05-30-2011 05:20 AM)General G Wrote:  

(05-29-2011 01:46 PM)Extropy Wrote:  Approaching just for the sake of training is silly.

Approaching for the sake of training is necessary. That's the way to develop decent skills.

I emphasize the "just".

When I was going out with some guys from PUA lair about two years ago, some of them had hundreds or thousands of approached and didn't get laid. They were opening girls they weren't interested in not expecting any success just to get their approach count up, just for the sake of training. They didn't like approaching, they didn't really enjoy meeting new people and weren't even expecting to get laid. That is a waste of time and won't get them anywhere.

From personal experience, there are a lot of reasons for this. In my own case, PERFECTIONISM was the single biggest reason. I wanted to follow Mystery's model so exactly that if things were not going in line with "my interpretation" of the model, I'd get all nervous and eject. But I don't regret doing all the approaches. It made me learn a lot more about myself. I still haven't gotten laid of cold approach. But I feel myself growing more into my sexuality (I know it sounds funny. It does to me anyway) and success seems around the corner.

I felt people who read this thread needs to watch this video: http://www.the21convention.com/2011/05/0...t21c-2010/

One of the three fundamental of mark's blog is getting rid of your anxiety. How do you think you're going to get rid of your anxiety? By talking about it on this forum? LOL

More approaches is still better than standing there with a drink on your hand.

@Brian

Yeah I already asked Mark about this contradicting advice - focus on getting the skill (approach even the fatties, have a plan about what you're going to work on when you go out - Fuji, Captain Jack) vs. focus on getting the truth (Rob Judge), and he was like "just fucking approach".

I guess to be a bit more specific:

1. Only approach girls you find attractive
2. Don't treat rejections or blow outs as a failure. The only failure is not doing it.
3. Set reasonable goals for a few weeks (10 approaches tonight; 5 direct approaches tomorrow; etc.)

Once you feel like you can approach hot girls without freaking out or without hesitating too much, move on to something else. Don't dwell on it. Approaching is something no one will ever be perfect at but you can waste a shitload of time trying. I agree with the planning and the approaching for truth and all of that... but let's not make rocket science out of what's basically finger-painting. Just fucking do it. And once you can do it, move on to stuff that matters more. Go for competence, not mastery.

(05-31-2011 03:40 AM)Mark Wrote:  Go for competence, not mastery.

Dude, this one line is gold. Even with all the strides I've made in overcoming perfectionism, it wasn't until I read this line, that I realized while infield today as to how I still obsess about why I didn't approach this or that girl. Given everything, I would say I am far and above most average guys in ballsiness. What has held me back is an extreme obsession to be able to walk up to any girl that I find attractive, no matter what the circumstances. It seems so silly, just thinking about it. For me, this could well be a major epiphany. It might just catapult me to the next stage (having meaningful interactions).

I think I found a good middle way to be honest to myself and the girls and training my social skills.

I will do now everytime I am streetsarging 3 warm up sets with average girls in the beginning. I am approaching them indirect, instead of direct as I almost always do during streetgame, with the goal just to have a convo for a few minutes or more. If she seems to be cool, I ask her for her facebook. I will not go for the number, since it´s always implying a date, what I don´t want. For the same reason I am not approaching her direct, since I don´t want to hit on her and create some false expectations. I know that some may say right now, that women create often false expectations by giving away their number and so. Well, even if many (probably most) women do that, it does not make better MY actions. Plus, average girls don´t get aproached confidently on the streets very often, so I don´t want her to remember me in a bad way since I never called her like I promised.

About the approach: often I ask often her for a post office near by. She tells me, I say :"thank you!" and do like I want to keep moving. Then I stop, turn me to her and say: "Hey , you look kinda like a party animal, can you recommend me some good clubs or bars here? I am new in this town and haven´t found a really good club so far".

I know that many of you guys wil don´t like this approach at all, since it´s very under the radar. But as I wrote, I just wanna have a convo, and I found out that this approach works very good to initiate a convo (specially as a tourist). It´s not that good to continue from there by setting up a date, but that´s not my aim. I want to talk to her for at least a few minutes, if she is cool, some longer.

The nice side effect of training my social skills in a cold aproach is that you have a nice convo, you get in state pretty quickly. I recognized that you get state not by getting numbers, but talking to girls and enjoying her company, even if you dont get her#.
Specially in daygame I think it´s important to get in state quickly, cus there are usually not many "targets", so you better run your A game if you approach a hottie.