background story: I dated a smoking woman, fucked up (was way too needy in the end. same old story: soon as I have sex with the girl I think the seduction is over, don´t pay attention and make some stupid mistakes), and knew that I fucked so much that we porbably won´t have sex again. So i called her, and told her that I want to break up contact. I was being honest and said, that I cannot be friend with a girl I am so attracted to and had already sex with.
She said she understands me, but also that she finds it childish at the same time. She said, if I continue like that, I will lose a lot of friends in my life. Then it hit me: she was 100% right. I was about losing woman I spend so much time with, with such a wonderful character, over about not having sex (which was my fault)?! Fortunately that woman was such mature, that she opened my eyes AND gave me a chance, I think most women would have said "whatever, you´re childish" and forget about me.

I know, that this is a very basic advice and most of you guys are already befriending hot girls, even if you gamed then and they are not attracted to you. But i read SO MANY TIMES on some PU forums, that if it´s going nowhere with the girl, move on. It´s right to move sexually, but if you both had a great time together and you like her, make her your friend. Just keep in mind, that you are now friends, so you don´t have to "game" her, except she is giving you the the signs that THIS DAY she wants more from you.

A lot of those guys on PUA forums have the attitude that they have to try to get every girl they talk with into bed which is kinda desperate and needy. I had this attitude for a while (because of reading on such forums) and it is harmful to think like that.

She's right... and I've given this advice before, but guys rarely followed it. Haha...

Some of my closest female friends are either old flings or girls I struck out with.

Yeah, she is totally right, with two caveats
1) It's totally legitimate to break off contact with an ex for a while to get out of that headspace.
2) Make sure you actually make your move and are sure it's not going anywhere before you decide she is your friend.

Hey,
Ok, she she is now your friend and you have moved on.
Does this mean you relate differently to her from now on? Is
there no longer any flirtation etc? I'm asking this, because I
get confused over how to have a friendly relationship with
a woman I'm attracted to.
Basically, is there a fundamental difference to the way you
interact with a woman you are attracted to, to a woman
you have decided to just be friends with?
I struggle with this a lot.
Thanks for your help.

I totally agree with this. Unless a girl really hurts you in an irreparable way, there is no reason to eliminate her from your life. Heck, even if you strike out with her now, the opportunity may present itself again down the road. Case in point: I went to highschool with a few girls who wouldn't even have looked twice at me when i was 15/16, but I kept in touch and stayed friends with them over the years and have subsequently hooked up with several of them in the past couple of years.

It's always worth keeping in touch or befriending a hot girl that you're attracted to, even if she isn't interested at first. The female mind changes quickly and often easily. You might not be pushing her buttons today, but tomorrow? Anything is possible.

(05-14-2011 07:20 AM)reprobate Wrote:  Hey,
Ok, she she is now your friend and you have moved on.
Does this mean you relate differently to her from now on? Is
there no longer any flirtation etc? I'm asking this, because I
get confused over how to have a friendly relationship with
a woman I'm attracted to.
Basically, is there a fundamental difference to the way you
interact with a woman you are attracted to, to a woman
you have decided to just be friends with?
I struggle with this a lot.
Thanks for your help.

Just leave the escalation (specially the physical escalation --> not too much kino) out. That´s all. You still can flirt her sometimes, tease her and everything.