This has happened to me twice recently, and I'm wondering how common it is.

One was a girl I met through work a few months ago. We got along really well when we'd see each other, and recently I asked her out--I couldn't before because of the work relationship. I made sure to keep the interactions more flirty than friendly, so when she agreed I figured everything was fine. But lo and behold, when we met at a concert I found out she was gay and already seriously seeing someone else.

Then, just today, I had coffee with a girl whose number I got at the college computer lab I'm often in. I had talked to her for a while and asked for her number, and then a few days later I called and scheduled a date. Today she showed up 20 minutes late and had her sister in tow. The three of us talked for an hour, and I eventually got her to make clear that she had a boyfriend. I excused myself shortly thereafter.

I'm offended by this. Is it par for the course when dating brand new people?

Can honestly say I've only had that happen to me once, but the girl mentioned her boyfriend like it was no big deal, we kept seeing eachother and eventually she left him for me. I definitely make a point of finding out beforehand if she has a boyfriend or not, though.

I don't think it's par for the course. Almost every girl will tell you straight up they have a boyfriend (before you go out on a date) and then I either decide to go for it anyway or not to bother. And if they have a boyfriend and agree to meet you anyway, they definitely have interest. I think her showing up and bringing her sister was a desperate last minute decision on her part not to be rude and ditch you, but bring the sister along because she was actually committed to the boyfriend.

As for gay girls, not bi, I have no idea.

Did you kino them? That makes the difference, you don't have to be very aggressive but try to touch her in a sensual way. A lot of people flirt just for the sake of flirting, but kinoing usually happens when there's attraction.
I asked a girl out recently and when I did I said to her: I don't want to be your friend. She said: Ok, let's see how it goes.
-Leo: Cool!

(05-11-2011 10:41 AM)Gaius Theremin Wrote:  This has happened to me twice recently, and I'm wondering how common it is.

One was a girl I met through work a few months ago. We got along really well when we'd see each other, and recently I asked her out--I couldn't before because of the work relationship. I made sure to keep the interactions more flirty than friendly, so when she agreed I figured everything was fine. But lo and behold, when we met at a concert I found out she was gay and already seriously seeing someone else.

Then, just today, I had coffee with a girl whose number I got at the college computer lab I'm often in. I had talked to her for a while and asked for her number, and then a few days later I called and scheduled a date. Today she showed up 20 minutes late and had her sister in tow. The three of us talked for an hour, and I eventually got her to make clear that she had a boyfriend. I excused myself shortly thereafter.

I'm offended by this. Is it par for the course when dating brand new people?

This kinda happened to me. It was a while ago but if I remember right she had been dating around, but had seen one guy a few times and while at the time I got her number she didn't think it was serious enough to stop playing the field, they had an exclusivity talk in the intervening time.

That second girl - even if you weren't making your intent clear, I don't know what was up with that girl. If a guy asks for your number and then asks you somewhere, you should mention the boyfriend pretty promptly. That was just thick-headed on her part.

I can see how the lesbian thing happened-she thought you were friends probably, even if you did flirt.(by the way a hot lesbian couple is the best pair of friends to have in the fucking world. No joke, I am friends with a lesbian couple that gets kinda pda-ish in the bar and they get bought so many drinks that I drink free, they make a great impression on girls I just met, random guys at bars approach them to hilarious effect).