I am just reading No more Mr. Nice guy and Mark was right, it really opens your eyes. Everybody should read it immediatly if they havent done it yet.

The biggest characteric of a nice guy is that he is seeking for approval. That means that if he helps or gives, he is not doing it from heart, but because he wants to get a positive reaction. So like every other nice guy I like to help or to give sth. In order to be not "too nice" and to be used by people, I have beein awaiting something back for my giving. Not immediatly and not every time, but pretty often.

Her comes my dillemma: how do i know, when i do it just because i want to and not because i want a positive feedback? Of course i can ask myself, what my motives are, but i am afraid that my mind will trick me and to convince me that I am doing it for myself, but in reality i just want to have the apporval.

And how can i give or help, without the risk being used, if I am not dependent on the outcome?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xXhkFLFRME

Here's an interesting idea from Rick H. Starts at 4:12. What are your thoughts on this rule of his?