I believe that approach anxiety is a single, biggest problem for people inside community. What are your experiences with approach anxiety, how have you fought it? Bring both abstract techniques and concrete situations, which well describe how you overcame anxiety.

For starters, AA isn't the single biggest problem for people in the community. I can't sit here and say I'm a professional and know everything but certainly there are plenty of problems that plague our community besides AA that are as big or bigger.

For the most part guys join the community because they've been having trouble with women. There are many reasons for this. Some of them are very socially inept. Some are very angry. Some have emotional problems. This leads to tons of problems down the line. Probably the biggest problem you can have in pick up is not addressing the things you have to work on with yourself.

This can manifest in a few ways. Some guys really need to improve their lifestyles. Some guys really need to improve their attitudes. Some guys really need to improve their skills with women. Some guys need an entire reality check.

As for AA, sure it is a problem many of us face at varying levels. Guys who have been doing this forever still sometimes get nervous about the approach.

One thing I can tell just from what you said and your questions is that you definitely take it as a very serious problem. Think about the negative loop that creates for yourself. You see it as such a huge problem and it is a huge problem.

I'm not trying to say that by changing your outlook it will change your AA but I will say that if you stop looking at it as such a looming huge issue you may be able to overcome it more quickly.

As for getting over it I can personally list a few ways. Not all the ways I list will work for all guys but some worked for me and other guys that I've come to know through pickup.

1. Force yourself. Don't let yourself say no. Approach a girl and look like a fucking fool. Trip over your words. Keep doing this. Eventually you will realize nothing bad happened to you. In all likelihood you will have a few great interactions and be pleasantly surprised how well things turn out sometimes.

2. Go in to get blown out. Go in without any expectations besides making it so the girls turn you down. Stop worrying about the outcome and just go in and say "Hey girls, you all smell like poop" and see what happens. Do that a bunch of times and start to realize that none of this matters. It's not a big deal. Nothing bad will happen to you. Some of the girls might even laugh and want to talk to you more. Eventually when you are comfortable with this you can move on to going in not to get blown out. This may seem silly at first thought but it works really well for some people.

3. Start small and work your way up incrementally. Talk to one new stranger every day, man or woman. Bump it up to 2 after a while. Talk to girls you aren't attracted to. Talk to old ladies about their day when you see them on the bus. Eventually you will start to have positive experiences with strangers and start to push yourself further.

In closing you control the way you feel. If you make a commitment to yourself to talk to strangers you will soon learn that your anxiety is something you make up in yourself, not something imposed on you by other people. Through doing this you will learn to better control your own emotions and go get the things you want out of life.

I'm sure other people will have much more to add, thats just my two cents.

I just read an interesting book called "Nerve" and it basically says that all of the recent fear research points to that actually trying to eliminate fear will make it worse, whereas just trying to work with it and actually learn how to use it is what creates success.

This is such a monster topic, and I've been trying to help guys over AA for so long, I don't even know where to start.

The best formula I've found is laid out in my free PDF on the site:
- Start small. So if you're afraid of approaching women during the day, start by approaching cashiers and clerks.
- Slow increments. Once the cashiers feel OK, then stop people and ask for the time. Once that feels OK, ask them how they're doing that day. Once that feels OK, start approaching attractive women.
- High volume. Each increment do many times over and over again, until the anxiety doesn't affect you anymore.

Recent research has shown conclusively that the "jump into the deep end" philosophy of the community is NOT effective. Hence you get so many bootcamp students who are back where they started a month later.

One thing I find helpful - having some sort of default opener, whether it is a long scripted routine or just "Hi I'm [insert name]" helps me approach even when I have approach anxiety. I have a rule that if I can't think of anything to say I just have to introduce myself. I used to use an opinion opener, don't really like it anymore, but I think just having one thing in the back of your mind removes a big excuse for not approaching.

One thing that has helped me ( I think it was on one of Mark's posts) was about eye contact. I read that making eye contact portrays confidence and people respond to you in a better way. I started doing this and saw an immediate difference. I noticed people were more receptive to me and I felt more confident. I did as Mark suggested by approaching cashiers and sales people and got more comfortable approaching people in general. I still have a long way to go to get over my AA but the little steps have helped a lot.

Another thing I trained myself to do a long time ago and has paid massive dividends over the years is to just blurt out "Hi!" when I catch a girl looking at me. I don't even give myself time to think, if I walk past a girl who gives me strong eye contact, I just say "Hi!" and then worry about what else to say afterward.

The reason I started doing this is because you figure probably 80-90% of girls who are staring at you are going to be highly receptive, so figuring out exactly what to say is almost trivial at that point. What's NOT trivial is letting her go and then seeing her talk to some other guy 10 minutes later because you couldn't think of anything to say in the moment. Girls staring at you are highly, highly receptive and catching them while they're receptive is possibly the most important thing you can do, period.

It's a great habit, and if you combine it with getting in shape and working on your appearance, it becomes pretty lethal. Can't tell you how many times developing this habit has paid off for me.

I've been reading pickup stuff for like five years now or something (basically first David D, then Brad P, then you, also some David Shade), and I've never gone out and approached alone. I have done easy situational openers a handful of times, I had a bootcamp with Brad P where I approached a lot but I stopped when I got home. Diving in the deep once does indeed not cause lasting results. I also had a wingman once and we did some approaches together a few times.

I used to have big social anxiety, but it has pretty much gone away after years of slowly improving (I mean that I feel at ease in normal social situations, not that I am completely socially fearless). I also have no sexual anxiety anymore, although I do have to work on my dominance. If I want to know the time or ask directions, I can ask a hot girl, no problem. If I'm at a bar and a girl I'm talking to is clearly attracted, I can kino and make out and basically do anything I want with her without fear. BUT when it comes to hitting on girls I don't know, approaching a girl with the intention of picking her up or even just showing that I think she's attractive, I CAN'T DO IT.

After trying to observe how I feel about it and what my beliefs are, I think that it would just break society's norms if you go and approach random girls. It's so far out of my normal experience. I'd have to say that my personality is quite far removed from being a 'rebel' or bad boy or anything like that. When I was really young, you could put me alone in a room with my favorite candy, and if my mother would say 'Don't eat the candy' then I could sit in that room for hours without even touching it.

Conclusion: I'm a pussay

Mark: I can walk up to girls and ask the time, but I have trouble saying "Hi, I thought you looked cute and I had to come and say hi". I just feel stupid if I walk up to girls and ask the time all day. What specific action would you recommend if you were my coach right now? BTW, you do email coaching right? Maybe that's an option for me. How much is it?

At some point you have to make that leap to displaying interest. You could take it the next step and ask her the time, THEN go direct, but at some point you have to bridge that gap. The fact you're opening them at all means you're most of the way there.

Email coaching info is here: http://www.practicalpickup.com/email-coaching

Obviously, paid email coaching would be far more in-depth than these forum posts.

Mark, thanks for the quick response. I really like the blog and the effort you put into helping guys.

To reply to your post: When I actually need to know the time, I can ask anyone, because I need to know the time and that is just a natural thing to do. When I'm lost and need to ask directions, I can ask anything because that's just a natural thing to do. This wasn't always easy for me, but now it is. However, the leap between asking stuff like that when I need to know it (I do feel awkward when I ask the time while I have my phone in my pocket which displays the time and there are big clocks all around the city too!) and showing sexual/romantic interest to a girl I don't know is really huge in my mind. I think I really DO just have to take that leap. Even if I feel the universe might implode. I don't even feel fear around it anymore, it's just that I don't do it.

Then it sounds like it's closer to sexual anxiety than social anxiety. I would try attacking it from that angle.