RE: How to: Be good in bed
Post # 2 of ?:
First off, for any inexperienced guys getting nervous about the comprehensiveness of these posts; don't worry. As long as you've already got a girl who wants to go to bed with you then you don't need to be concerned about anything more than being slightly competent at the 'basic' sections of each of these areas. You don't need to be doing everything in them, nor should you be. Just focus on enjoying each stage, listen to the feedback her body gives you, and you'll be fine. Once the clothes start coming off, you have even less to worry about, as a rush of hormones for her will give you a decent bit of room for error. If you have any issues with getting it up or coming too early, I'll cover these later. These don't have to be as big a problem as you might think they would be.
4) Touching below the waist (underwear on). This can be relatively simple if you want it to be. By the stage where pants/skirts are coming off she's probably fine if things are just progressing straight towards sex. This shouldn't be the case if you're regularly having sex with someone, but if it's a first time then it's often preferable, in order to avoid losing momentum or doing something she doesn't like.
-If she isn't taking the initiative to take off her pants/skirt just yet, start moving it in that direction yourself. If she's wearing jeans or something else with a tight waistband, slide your fingers down her side and under the waistband. Then move them to the front or back and teasingly withdraw them. Don't go too far unless she's obviously very keen for it, because you're looking to still maintain that you're leading this dance. If she's wearing something loose like a skirt, you can run your hands up her lower thigh, towards her ass or upper inside of her thighs.
-If you're lying on a bed or have her back against a wall (both preferable by this stage), push one of your legs between hers so that your lower thigh is lined up with her crotch. Leave it there for a little bit to get her comfortable with it, but after a minute or so you should start grinding it slowly into her. She can have her pants/skirt on or off for this, but obviously vary how hard you grind depending on which. If she hasn't started moaning and catching her breath, she should by now. Encourage her by making some noises of your own, such as breathing heavily or letting out exclamations of breath as you push into her. Hopefully you have some dry-humping experience as a teen to call on here.
-Touch her everywhere. From her toes up to her head. Don't rush though. Even if you're both in a hurry, constantly jumping from one bit of her body to the next is rarely sexy. Stroke your hands up the back of her legs, kiss her collar while you slowly work your fingers up her thighs, grab her ass and give it a firm but slow squeeze. Don't be afraid to pull back for a few seconds and then build back up. Just because you've managed to get closer to the prize doesn't mean you shouldn't keep drawing it out.
-Bring one hand to her inner thigh and massage it there, slowly bringing it to her underwear. Try and sense if she's at all uncomfortable with this. If she is, go back a few steps and return to it later. Once she's ok with it, gently massage the front of her underwear by pressing your hand into her crotch. If you focus on the top of her crotch (around the Clitoris) then go slowly and gently, and increase intensity while paying attention to her body language. As always, don't be afraid to ask for advice on how she likes it. If you're focusing on her lower crotch (around the outer labia and vaginal opening) then you can be a little more firm and quicker. It's always better to go slower and increase speed and pressure though.
-Be imaginative before the underwear comes off. This is such an easy stage to just skip past and get right to the nudity, but drawing things will generally pay off later, and can also be a whole lot of fun.
-Kiss up and down her legs. This isn’t hard, so it doesn’t exactly deserve to be in the ‘intermediate’ section, but it’s a lot more effective if you know how to mix in some eye contact, vary the kisses, and give her the variation of going from tongue to fingers to fingernails.
-Use the palm of your hand to massage her labia, while simultaneously stimulating her clitoris with your middle finger. This is slightly awkward at first, but definitely a learnable skill. If you’re finding it difficult or ineffective, try inverting your hand and massaging her clit with the palm of your hand, and using your fingers on her labia. Try rubbing between the inner and outer labia. All of this is good because it’s seriously building her desire to be penetrated. So... yeah...
-Pretty much anything rough you did earlier on- biting, scratching, etc, you can bring in here, but with a bit more caution. Find a diagram that shows the erogenous/more sensitive parts of the lower body, and act accordingly. If you want to hand out a bit of punishment here then the ass is probably the best place to go. Thighs are generally going to be to sensitive for real rough-play. With her ass you can squeeze, scratch, and pinch though. Oh and of course there's always room for...
-Spanking. If you haven't been rough at all yet, then you probably shouldn't bring it in here. Wait until the next time. If you have though, then feel free to try one soft slap to a cheek. Often the first spank doesn't feel that great for the girl, whether or not technique is good, so be prepared for that. However, if she's been spanked before and likes it then she probably knows this, and will encourage you in some way. Once you've established that, try hitting again in a slightly different spot. Stay away from the vaginal area though. Focus on the meatiest part of the cheek, and try to deliver a firm slap with a slightly curved but strong hand. She shouldn't be feeling the bones near your wrist though, or you've stuffed up. Rub the slapped area before or afterwards to stimulate blood flow there, which is what turns slapping from bad pain into good pain. Don't focus too much on one ass cheek, but a healthy flushed redness is good.
-When you're grinding your thigh into her, wait until you can feel her wetness start to soak through her underwear and onto your thigh. This won't always happen, because her wetness can get trapped between her labia, but if it does it's obviously a good sign. If it hasn't happened after 10 minutes then move on, because it's either not working or it's the above scenario.
-If you’re concerned about getting her underwear off, do it at the same time as you take off her pants, in one motion.
-When you're slapping her ass, consider turning it into a pain for reward scenario. This is more of the mental side, but you can rub her crotch or kiss her breasts after each slap or couple of slaps to 'reward' her for accepting her punishment. One of my favourite memories is making my ex beg for a good 5 or 6 slaps each time before giving her the reward of rubbing her clit. You can amp up the frequency and intensity of the slaps because the more pleasure you give to her clit, the more pain she can handle and enjoy.
5) Touching below the waist (underwear off)
This is similar to what’s above, except she’s completely naked now. So, shouldn’t you, like... finger her? Well sure, if she’s close to begging for it and you don’t feel like waiting. But otherwise just a little restraint is a good idea. Two minutes extra waiting time here is like 10 minutes earlier.
-No need to rush, but do run your hands over her bare ass and upper thighs. Think of it like you’ve just got to the stage of unwrapping a present at christmas where you’ve figured out what it is; you pause for a second to admire the gift before you try it out. Oh, and thank Baby Jesus.
-More good touching of the legs, breasts, and the rest of the body. Speed up the pace a little bit, and your kissing should be at its most intense by now.
-Let your hands run slowly to her vagina. It doesn’t exactly matter where you start, but I recommend running your fingers between the inner and outer labia up towards her clitoris.
-Rub her clitoris with a couple of fingers, probably your index and middle. Tips pointing down probably, but whatever feels most natural for you. Rub gently at first, and then you can build the pressure/intensity as you gauge her reaction.
-Now here’s where you have to make a choice. You could put your fingers inside, and finger her until whenever you choose to stop (orgasm, or to progress to oral sex or sex) or you could skip this altogether. Why would you do that? Well, then you’re still not satisfying that craving of hers to get penetrated yet, so she’s likely to want to get you inside her pretty damn quick. Up to you whether you want that now or later.
-On the other hand (no pun intended), while oral sex gets all the plaudits, being able to finger a girl well is a skill well worth having. I’ve seen girls go all go kinds of crazy when on the end of a talented hand (yes, I’m bragging). It generally lets you retain more control/power in the situation than oral sex, leaves your mouth free to kiss her or lick her nipple, and you can move her around a lot more easily.
-This is the basics section though, so don’t try anything too crazy out here. Just use two fingers to go in and out while using your other hand for balance or to stroke her breasts, legs or ass.
-Really this is too much down to each individual girl. Generally you just want to experiment until you find what she likes. Intensity, speed, areas to focus, etc all vary so much from girl to girl it’s hard to give a lot of general advice. Here are some things that are generally reliable though:
-Use one hand to penetrate her while the other rubs her clit.
-Try finding her g-spot with the inserted fingers. Google how to do this, but basically it involves a ‘come hither’ gesture, and searching for a relatively large spongey spot that most articles describe as ‘about the size of small coin’. It helps if she’s really turned on and often if you rub her clit simultaneously it swells up.
-If you’ve got a less sensitive girl, it’s not actually too dangerous to be a little bit rough with her. You can finger her quite fast and aggressively. Just have clipped fingernails, make sure you’re moving around inside her more than hitting her walls, and bring your fingers in and out quite frequently instead of jamming them around inside her.
-Depending on how cool you think she would be with it, you can take out your fingers and lick them. Or she can lick them. Especially good if you’re about to go down on her.
-Fisting. [Note:This is long for a reason. It’s not easy. Read it all the way through before you even consider trying it.] I’m actually not speaking from experience here unfortunately. The closest I’ve come has been four fingers, but I have been in situations where I probably could have gone for the whole hand. OK, now let’s pause for a second to think about this scenario in a context guys can understand. Imagine if a girl was going to put her fist up your ass. Got your attention? The kind of patience and care you would want from her in that situation is what you’re going to need here. I should note here that if she has any scars around that area or if you know she’s had surgery around that area, you definitely shouldn’t try this. Go try something crazy on her ass instead.
Firstly, you’re going to want her really, really turned on. Contrary to popular belief, vaginal tightness has nothing to do with the amount/size of previous sexual partners. You’ll find virgins who are looser than prostitutes (again, not speaking from experience). Things that will affect natural tightness are whether she’s had a child (looser), whether she does pelvic floor exercises- also known as Kegels- (tighter) or whether she’s had surgery (either). However, the more turned on (and there are a whole heap of factors coming in to play here to decide that) she is, the looser she’ll be. The amount of looseness and lubrication you’re going to need is going to be more than you’ll be working with on average, so do leave this one for special occasions when she’s got that crazy kind of horniness that comes with marriage proposals, make-up sex, etc. When that time does come though, here’s how to do it. Firstly, work up slowly. Start with two fingers. Work them around for a bit. Make sure you know how wide your fingers can go, and which areas inside her are no-go. Then squeeze that third one in, most likely by crossing it slightly under the other two. You can probably manage that without asking her permission, but unless you’ve got a lot of trust, you should ask anyway. Same deal for the fourth finger as the third, but take it even more slowly. And definitely ask for permission. Be really in tune with her body language, as well as having her telling you if it’s ok or not. Watch her face, and while she’ll probably be biting her lip with the intensity anyway, make sure she’s not flinching or showing any other sign of pain. At the very most you’ll probably be able to get the index and middle fingers up to about between the second and third knuckles. Finally, once you have all four fingers in and you’re both comfortable with them being in there, you need to draw them out slowly. Then curl your hand into a fist. I hope you checked before to make sure you don’t have abnormally large hands. If you do, mission aborted soldier. Assuming you don’t, same process to enter as before. Once you have it in there, don’t go crazy. Just slowly move it back and forward a bit. Either it’s going to be so intense she comes easily from it, or you’re going to have to just stop. That’s ok. Don’t force the orgasm. See how bad that sounds in this context? Slowly withdraw the fist.
Some more lame disclaimers: the majority of guys are not going to be able to do this. Don’t take that as a challenge. There are a million other crazy things you can do, sometimes you’ve just got to let it go. Most girls will probably not be able to handle a whole fist, or enjoy it, or even let you if they did. However, the majority should be able to handle 3 or even 4 fingers, and that’s pretty crazy regardless.
-Squirting. Another thing I have no experience in, though not for not trying. Google this. Basically, she either physically can or can’t, and there’s not much you can do if she’s the latter. You can figure out if you’re a lucky bastard by doing the following though: make her understand that the idea of her getting you, the bed, and her very wet is actually incredibly sexy, and doesn’t make you think of pee at all (don’t even mention the word), finding her g-spot when it’s swollen up, and then trying a lot of different fingering techniques.
-All the kind of rough stuff we mentioned earlier. Flicking or pinching her clit? Could work, but I’ve never tried it and don’t plan to. It’s in the advanced section, so it’s up to you to figure out how well you can get any of this to work. Oh, but don’t do obviously stupid shit like pouring hot wax around there or putting something in that might be hard to get out. On the other hand, if you’re stupid enough to try that then I doubt this advice was going to stop you anyway. Go nuts with the wax!
More comments/suggestions please.