I was talking to a good female friend of mine at the bar last night and somehow we got into the topic of a few guys she is seeing and whether or not they were good in bed.

When I asked her what makes one guy really good and the other really bad/average she really didn't have an explanation. So I deep dived a little bit more with her asking if it was size, stamina, the way they do it or what really separates one guy from another.

Her response was ... "It's hard to explain, some guys just know what they're doing and just really turn me on while other guys just kind of wait for me to make the next move"

The conclusion I took from this which already reassured what I know and live by was taking control and being dominate in bed separates the men from the boys or the great from the bad/average. So don't be a pussy.

My question for you guys is what separates girls that are really good in bed from the girls who are bad/average?

In my experiences the really bad sucked at giving head, and kind of just laid there unenthusiastically. I know they say girls just have to show up and it's a vagina but damn I've been with some lame ass chicks, as well as some amazing women who knew what was up.

Proceed with the thoughts and comments... Everyone enjoy the weekend!

Guy being good = assertiveness
Girl being good = responsiveness

And then of course, there's technical ability (giving head, fingering well, eating out, etc.)

(09-17-2011 01:26 AM)BrB Wrote:  My question for you guys is what separates girls that are really good in bed from the girls who are bad/average?

In my experiences the really bad sucked at giving head, and kind of just laid there unenthusiastically. I know they say girls just have to show up and it's a vagina but damn I've been with some lame ass chicks, as well as some amazing women who knew what was up.

For me, a girl is good in bed who:
- communicates what she likes (enthusiastically, not necessarily verbally) and what she doesn't like (without making a big deal out of it)
- is adventurous (i.e. likes to get touched and fingered all over, try different positions, different sex locations)
- trusts that I have her best interests in mind and lets me lead, but also responds with some strength, desire, and excitement (waiting for me to move is fine, excessive timidity and trepidation is less so)

I could probably think of other things but these are at the top for me. Also, this list represents my ideal - I've had great times with girls who were weak in some categories but made up for it in others.

I wish I had realized sooner that women are just as horny as guys are, and most of them want a man who is willing to comfortably express his sexuality in an assertive, sometimes dominating way. I made out with far too many girls in college I wasn't assertive enough to escalate with, and I think that's why a lot of those fizzled out. At some point I just decided that I am going to do what turns me on, and am finding that most women are turned on by that alone... having the confidence to do to her what you need to do in order to satisfy your desires seems to get them going.

(09-17-2011 01:36 AM)Mark Wrote:  Guy being good = assertiveness
Girl being good = responsiveness

Great way to put it.

I want her to respond well to what I do, to follow my lead, to feel comfortable with her own sexuality with me. Can't go wrong then. A big part of achieving all of the above is by just acting relaxed, sexual, accepting, non-judgmental, etc. etc. But she also needs to have a good head on her shoulders. If she's stupid, traumatized, repressed or incapable of trusting men, then nothing is going to work.

"I wish I had realized sooner that women are just as horny as guys are"
Truth
and @neon, I completely agree with everything you said.

(09-18-2011 06:54 AM)youregettingitwrong Wrote:  "I wish I had realized sooner that women are just as horny as guys are"
Truth

If I'm not mistaken, recent scientific studies have shown that men desire sex MORE than women. Also, sex drive has been linked to testosterone. Guess who has more testosterone pumping through their veins?

(09-18-2011 11:53 AM)Matt C Wrote:  

(09-18-2011 06:54 AM)youregettingitwrong Wrote:  "I wish I had realized sooner that women are just as horny as guys are"
Truth

If I'm not mistaken, recent scientific studies have shown that men desire sex MORE than women. Also, sex drive has been linked to testosterone. Guess who has more testosterone pumping through their veins?

The results of these studies are highly contextual. Also, women experience sex differently on a biological level than men do (there's far more of a psychological element for them). So although you're right about testosterone, it's not as simple as "John has more testosterone than Jane." Jane may be hornier than John depending on her relationship status, her self-esteem, which men are available to her at that moment, when in her ovulation cycle she's in, etc.

The more you dig into the science behind female sexuality and arousal, the more you realize that it's really, really fucking complicated. Go figure... lol

I think it's hard to seperate actual biological differences in sex drive and capacity from environmental factors as well. When you know you could quite easily have sex, it takes a lot of the urgency out of it than if it was something to work for, not to mention that in a lot of women's experience casual sex can quite frankly be pretty atrocious.

I've found it tends to even out a lot in relationships or longer term things, as soon as the sex starts getting really fucking good we get crazily horny. Plus you get all the memories of previous sexy experiences associated which you think about to get you ramped up... it's definitely a self-feeding cycle.


For me some of the best sex has included: the dominant thing - picking me up, throwing me down, we are doing THIS now etc, reading my responses to what he's doing and reacting appropriately (or just asking what I like, working it into dirty talk for bonus points!), bringing in some mild kink. For sex with the girls its similar except I enjoy taking the more dominant role.

Am i the only one that noticed FirstAid say she gets it off with girls as well? That's awesome.