(08-03-2011 02:36 PM)delito Wrote: I'd love to be able to say that I'm an amazing lover 100% of the time but the reality is that although I can perform very well and have received compliments from all of my 4 (now 24yrs old) sexual partners it does feel like a bit of lucky dip, in that some days I'll be very sensitive and I'll struggle to last more than a few mins and other days I'll feel myself very much in control and be able to pound away to their hearts content, while more often than not it's somewhere in between and with a conscious effort I can make a pretty respectable effort.
Unfortunately I find that I do have a bit of a problem with sexual anxiety and it only takes 1 or 2 "bad" encounters for me to suddenly find myself thinking about it a lot and getting myself nervous the next time, despite the fact that just a week ago I had the same girl dripping in sweat and screaming in ecstasy. I even once, after a string of particularly bad showings with one girl (who I'd already been with a number of very enjoyable times) managed to talk myself out of erections and found myself for the period of about a month losing my erection when showtime arrived. I got over it with viagra, which I think was more of a placebo than anything (only used half and didn't really feel any big difference).
So with that as the background I have a couple of questions:
1. What's the best way to act/things to say if you're with a girl and things don't go as well as you know they could have?
Personally I feel that there's a huge power shift that takes place when the girl isn't satisfied sexually. If you can pound her and leave her panting and gasping for air at the end she becomes the little kitten who wants to curl up on your shoulder and play with your balls, but if not there's a coldness and a feeling that she has the upper hand in deciding whether you'll be getting opportunity to redeem yourself. Maybe this is a bad mind frame that I have, but I don't know. That's why I'm asking.
2. And similarly, how do you respond if she actually comments on her dissatisfaction?
This happened to me just recently with a girl who I have been seeing for months. I've pleased her a lot in the past and she's told me that no-one's made her feel so good and all that kind of stuff but one night recently after what I thought was a reasonable effort she said to me something along the lines of "why are you lazy lately?" (she's colombian and actually said "¿por que eres flojo ultimamente?). This felt like quite a kick in the nuts at the time, partly because she was implying that it wasn't just on this occasion that she wasn't satisfied, but also because I consider myself very aware of the difference between good sex and bad sex and I was being told that what I thought was reasonable was...well just reasonable.
I know it wasn't the best sex ever and she told me later that it was good but that the last couple times hadn't been as good as the times before that. I wasted a lot of time lying in bed awake after that trying to decide if she was being a selfish bitch for complaining that it wasn't as amazing as it can be. If I had a right to get pissed off. Was it the harmless little remark she says she meant it to be. Should I just tell her bad luck and act like I don't care. Or should I actually not care.
All this does play on my mind a lot because obviously I lack experience and I do find anxiety about sex something that hold's me back in my pickup and no doubt holds me back from acting honestly on my desires when it comes to escalating the interaction.
Wow man. You some up the way I feel about sex almost exactly, and you sum it up a lot more cogently then I could.
I find its weird, as some girls seem to think I am some kind of sex god, and then the next week its not great at all. It definitely fluctuates. I guess there is 'sexual' chemistry/compatibility. Some girls will love you in bed, others wont. Of course the more experience you have the more likely it is that you will please her generally.
The last girl I slept with was a virgin. It was awkward, messy, and crap. And I felt just as inexperienced as her weirdly. But then before, I slept with a more experienced girl and we both had a really good time.
I guess fundamentally a lot of it comes down to communication. If she says she isn't satisfied, ask her why not, what she would like etc.
At the same time, don't think about it too much. If she is complaining about sex but isn't being constructive about it then there is only so much you can do.
I also have fears about premature ejaculation, especially in the mornings damn, their pussy always feels 5 times hotter, just seems impossible not to come earlier then usual. When Im drunk I can always last reasonable times, sober though, I need to improve.