bowling, concerts, dance classes, comedy shows, lounges, pool

(06-04-2011 05:46 AM)Mark Wrote:  bowling, concerts, dance classes, comedy shows, lounges, pool

Good ideas, thanks!

I am curious what you guys tell your date when you wanna take her home (specially to her place), since I sometimes struggle with that.

I usually tell her: "This place becomes boring. Come on, let´s get to my place for a glass of wine". Often she responds something like: "I am not going home with you. I don´t have sex on the first date". I reply: "Listen, I am just asking you for having a glass of wine at my place. If something happens, it happens, if not, then not. In both cases I will not judge you and want to see you again. Let´s go."

I read somewhere that it is better not to makeout with the girl on a date, but only when you are at yours/hers place, since the make out would make it obvious that you would have sex soon as you got home. If you don´t make out with her, you giving her an "excuse" to go to your place, because now she can say later to herself: "We went to his place to drink wine, and then it just happened. It´s not my fault." THerefore your chances taking her home successfully would be much higher.
What do you think about that?

Make out whenever you want. Say "Let's go to my place." If she doesn't want to go home with you, no amount of trickery is going to convince her to. She'll come home with you when she's into you enough.

But I mean even if she is enough into me, I think the rejection coming home is often a "anti-slut defense", specially if she is young or unexperienced. I often had the feeling, that she actually is really attracted and wants to go home, but cannot handle it with her conscience or her principle: "I don´t fuck on the first date".

It's not about attraction. She's attracted to 10 guys a day but doesn't fuck any of them.

Feeling slutty isn't about a "oh, I put out on a first date," thing. It's not about number of dates, hours spent together, how many dinners you bought her.

Feeling slutty is about sleeping with a guy who doesn't give a shit about her. If she doesn't trust you or isn't 100% convinced that you really like her and care about her, then she's not going to do it.

Man, it just clicked in my head. A little bit late, but it did. Thank you Mark!

That post is pure gold.

@Mark - I actually have found that having some non-sex reason to invite a girl home from a date, under most circumstances, tends to be appreciated, in that it takes some of the pressure off of girls to have sex once she gets to your apartment. If I say "let's go back to my place" and leave it at that, she might feel pressure to have sex if she agrees - whereas if I say "let's go watch arrested development" she's got a much easier out. Therefore she can come over and see how she feels.

That said, if it's totally obvious the girl has already decided she wants to have sex, I'll just invite her back.

I see where you're coming from Jon. I used to do the same thing. Hell, I think my Guide to Dates PDF still tells guys to do this. But I just don't bother anymore. I don't really bother with excuses for... well, much of anything these days. If she feels pressured or not 100% comfortable, then I figure she's not into me enough. And if she feels disrespected or whatever because I didn't make up an excuse so that we could both pretend that we don't want to have sex with each other... well, uhh, sorry princess, but get over it. If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. But let's not sit around and pretend like my "Arrested Development" DVD's are suddenly of life/death importance. If that makes me an asshole, well then I guess I'm an asshole. But last time I checked, assholes weren't the ones having trouble with the ladies.

Either she's into it or not. And if she's not, that's fine. If she's uncomfortable, then I haven't done a good job connecting with her and probably wasn't going to get laid anyway, even if I did find a way to trick-- err, convince her into coming home with me.

I'm convinced this is why guys get LMR. They find shortcuts to get girls who aren't actually comfortable around them yet into coming home with them, and once the girl's in bed, she freaks out and starts resisting because she realizes she's not comfortable with him. If she's comfortable with you to begin with, then there's no reason for her to resist any step of the way.

That makes a lot of sense. I should add that when I say something like "let's go watch arrested development" I am fully aware that even if she does come home I should be prepared to...just watch arrested development. My thought is more that if we chill at my place for a while she is likely to get more comfortable, and if it doesn't happen that night, it's more likely to happen later.

Actually, funny story - on a first date with a girl who I ended up dating for four months, I said "I have a new leonard cohen album I want to listen to. You should join me" and she did, and we hooked up. She later teased me about my shitty taste in seduction music - but I was really in the mood to drink wine and listen to the album.