My Commitment Issues
Not like I haven't been thinking about this basically non-stop for the past 12 months, but I just recently came to a conclusion this weekend. Seeing as how there are guys on this forum who are much more knowledgeable than myself in terms of psychology and things like that, I thought I'd present to you my dilemma
From 2007-2009 I dated a girl who I was in love with and who I lost my virginity to. 2 weeks after she broke up with me, I left for college. Since my very first day at college, I have been seeing another girl. Let's call her Sammie, because, well, her name is Sammie.
She got me through the emotional breakdown that I had after my ex and I split up and eventually I fell in love with her. Now, I should point out that during the relationship with my ex-girlfriend, I was a terrible person. I had a hair-trigger, violent temper and completely destroyed her self esteem and made her feel worthless and ugly. I never hit her or cheated on her, but I was constantly talking to other girls and having angry tirades. I attributed this to feeling trapped by commitment.
So, this being said, I have, since the summer of 2009, refused to put labels on my relationship with Sammie - aside from 2 weeks last summer where we tried an 'official' relationship and I freaked out and had to end it. I'm so terrified of the same thing happening with her that happened with my ex. That I'll feel trapped and become this horrible person again and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone else like that. Hence, staying away from the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' label. Ever since the beginning, I have treated this girl like GOLD. Complete opposite of my ex-girlfriend.
Whenever we have an especially good couple of weeks and I think about trying the commitment thing again, the first thoughts to run through my head are: What about going for drinks with Girl A on Friday? What about the excellent FWB situation I've got going with Girl B? What about all of the new and exciting women I'm going to meet in University? And then suddenly, commitment doesn't seem like such a great idea anymore.
Now, here's a fairly important catch: I've been fairly seriously involved with 3 different girls since I've been seeing Sammie. With each of these girls, I was down to commit and even excited about it. I had none of the same reservations. I'm starting to think that I may not be a commitment-phobe in general but just when it comes to Sammie.
I'm supposed to be leaving for University across the country at the end of the summer and the ONLY reason I would consider not going is to give it a go with Sammie. I don't want to wake up one day and have another enormous regret hanging over my head because I gave up on it.
So, I submit to you guys..what do you think?
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(This post was last modified: 06-14-2011 07:01 AM by DaveyDrama.)