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+--- Thread: The woes of a single man... (/showthread.php?tid=987)
The woes of a single man... - 007 - 10-17-2011 06:52 AM
I know this isn't exactly covering new ground, but its something that I'm experiencing at the moment.
I've recently finished university/college, and now working 5 days a week in the financial district of london.
Basically, I'm finding the contrast in terms of readily available women much lower now then it was at university. In my office, there are no feasible/realistic women to hit on. There are a few nice looking women, but are both much older and also married. So thats not really a realistic target for me.
I'm just finding its tough to meet girls now that I'm working all the time. Ok, I see a few nice girls walking around at lunch..But realistically, cold approaching just isn't the done thing around here. But may have to start this. I just would rather go about it another way.
Generally, I find week nights I'm seriously tired from the day, I don't have the energy to go out to bars every night, and at the moment I don't have the money either, as I don't get my first paycheck till the end of the month.
So that leaves the weekends. Where I've had a couple of one night stands over the last few months. Nothing more. I've been able to pick up some barely average to average/just above average girls. But no hot girls.
But the real crux is, I want to find a girl that I can actually develop something with. I've been playing the 'field' over the last few years and had a regular amount of one night stands etc, but to be honest, I'm getting bored of that lifestyle. It doesn't leave you in the best of emotional states in a deeper, longer term way.
But since I don't have any girls at my work that are realistic at all, I'm not sure where I'm going to 'develop' something more long term with a girl just yet. I think having a LTR would be healthy for me right now. Would make weekends more casual and relaxed, would prefer to chill with gf then have to go out, get drunk, spend loads of money, and have a one night stand possibly. I just don't think its worth the hassle.
So thats my problem..where do I meet a girl that I can actually develop something with?
I guess these things are sometimes cyclical and sometimes just about being the right moment at the right time etc. Maybe I will meet a girl randomly soon, maybe after work/on the weekends and something will begin.
But the truth is, it gets depressing. I haven't had a relationship in over 4-5 years now. I think I'm fairly good looking, and a fun person to be around, and I get a fair share of action with girls in a 'pleasure' sense. But when it comes to forming actual relationships with girls, it just doesn't seem to happen, and it does get frustrating. As if for whatever reason, it just won't happen for me.
And maybe its just the way it goes sometimes. Perhaps when we are young men, still not 'mature' in some senses its one of those things, that may become more realistic in time. But still. Would like a gf, but can't seem to find one..
Maybe I just need to make extra effort to approach girls that I see that give me that 'wow' feeling..its just so often its in a really public place, like a tube, or a coffee shop, and its the kind of thing where everyone hears/sees you trying to chat that girl up..And I dunno..generally from experience girls are more receptive to be chatted up if there are less people around. They don't want to be 'seen' as that girl who lets some stranger chat them up..if you know what I mean..
I hope this wasn't too boring/long to read. I wonder if anyone has any similar experience/advice/thoughts. Thanks.
RE: The woes of a single man... - Tux77 - 10-17-2011 09:10 AM
Yes, this has probably already been discussed elsewhere.
But anyway... i'm assuming London is not your home town, so you can't call old girl friends (as in the "only friends" part) and try to remember old times. Or something.
(if it is your hometown, then what are you waiting for?)
So, I'm thinking you actually are only WORKING there. I can totally relate. I lived for 2 months (only 2 months!!) in Scottsdale, AZ and well, I had 10 hour work days and almost no social life. That sucks.
I think the main problem is that you're probably focusing too much on the "tactics" part of the equation, instead of the lifestyle. Definitively your lifestyle doesn't lead to meeting new girls (as you describe), so, why not change it?
I'm not telling you to quit, of course... but what about volunteering? Or maybe joining a class of something? Cooking? Some local college course? It doesn't have to be something really intense (though of course, the more hours you put into it, the larger the probability of meeting amazing people =))
Really, there are a LOT of places where you can actually meet new people (not just "cute girls") and develop relationships over time. I know because I didn't do it while I lived abroad, and I consider that a huge mistake. Though it wasn't that bad, it was just 2 months. But 4 years? No way.
So, want to get a girlfriend? Well, have a social life away from work!
Oh, BTW: I'm not suggesting that you join something just for the sake of meeting girls. Trust me, that's a bad idea. Instead, try to look for something you LIKE, and then, as a really nice by-product, meet your future girlfriend.
Sounds cool, right?
RE: The woes of a single man... - GolfWang - 10-17-2011 11:28 AM
I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. I recently graduated in May, and since have begun working and with my work schedule of 40-60hrs a week, going to the gym, and living outside of the city I actually work in I find it nearly impossible to cram in any type of dating life. Part of me figures I'm just making excuses, and the other part believes that it is extremely difficult meeting women with this schedule. You really underestimate how easy it was to get girls in college once you're out and in the "real world."
But I agree with Tux, trying inserting in your schedule that is social and that you enjoy. For example I do trivia once a week at a bar with some friends, and every now and then I'll end up talking to a couple girls.
Another thing I've tried that I have had mixed success with is online dating. This cuts down the amount of effort you have to put in initially, but don't use it as a shield from approaching and meeting girls in person as this is what I feel like is beginning to happen to me.
RE: The woes of a single man... - shadow - 10-17-2011 02:40 PM
Online dating is a perfectly acceptable way of meeting chicks. I really want to start integrating that with my cold approaches. Don't feel the need to get good at cold approaching just because it sounds cool. The only benchmark for "good game" is if you are satisfied with the chicks that you meet and date. As long as that is happening, it doesn't matter where they come from. Now if you want to learn cold approach as a hobby, that is a different matter altogether.
RE: The woes of a single man... - Mark - 10-17-2011 03:27 PM
College guys rarely recognize the massive advantages they have until they leave. What you're going through is pretty typical. Welcome to the real world.
As others have said:
- Online game
- Day approaches during lunch break
- Happy hours and after-work bars
- Milk your weekends for all they're worth
RE: The woes of a single man... - crazyhorse - 10-17-2011 07:51 PM
(10-17-2011 02:40 PM)shadow Wrote: Online dating is a perfectly acceptable way of meeting chicks. I really want to start integrating that with my cold approaches. Don't feel the need to get good at cold approaching just because it sounds cool. The only benchmark for "good game" is if you are satisfied with the chicks that you meet and date. As long as that is happening, it doesn't matter where they come from. Now if you want to learn cold approach as a hobby, that is a different matter altogether.
I totally agree with this shadow. I think we're basically talking about thesame thing in the "is self help destructive" thread.
I have just written a reply, but I would be really excited if we could continue it through private message or just the normal forum if that would suit you better.
Djeezes it's my last year in college....
RE: The woes of a single man... - 007 - 10-18-2011 06:36 AM
Thanks for the replies.
Tux - London is actually my city..I guess there are a few 'old flames' around..but not really at the same time. I actually got in touch with an old flame in the last few months..took her virginity..haven't seen her since and now she's at college. That was all pretty random. But anyway, there aren't really a whole lot of old flames about at the moment..Its funny how girls come and go. And I am generally a forward looking person, I would rather develop relationships afresh with new girls as opposed to going back to old material as it were.
Anyway, your correct, there is always scope to be proactive in the dating scene, no matter what.
Golfwang - Definitely. The old saying 'you only miss it once you have gone' applies here. I was kind of aware of the unbelievable level of available women around at college, but now I'm working its really sunk in..Shits just not the same. I may have to give internet dating a go..I kind of have this feeling that its kind of sad that internet dating is a resort I might have to consider though. I just feel at this age it shouldn't really be necessary but hey. Maybe its worth being open minded, as it opens up a new avenue after all.
In some respects, its funny. As sometimes I get that 'this sucks' 'I've hit a dry run' feeling. But when I look over the last few months, I realize that actually, there has been opportunity. There have been a few ONS's where the girl was receptive to me seeing her again, but I wasn't, because I wasn't that attracted. And then there are some girls at the moment (who work in shops where I live for example) that I am attracted to but haven't had the balls to say anything just yet or ask for a number. So its not all terrible. I guess I have just hit a dry run, I'm bored of ONS type stuff and there is no one around in terms of girls from the past and haven't met any new girls recently.
So its just one of those periods. Its weird how when things dry up you suddenly start looking back and thinking wow, when things were going well and I had options I was more or less using girls like disposable cameras and now I feel like fuck, I'm all alone..Makes you feel bad how you take it all for granted when its there.
I saw the hottest girl on the tube yesterday. This dark asian girl. God damn. I had that wow feeling. But seriously, it just wasn't going to happen. She with her friend, the tube was packed. I mean sure, I could have tried. But really? I think we surely need to admit that there are sometimes that are just socially and logistically too inappropriate to make a move..It sucks though. Having that feeling that this hot girl that you would love to talk to is right there and there is nothing you can do about it. Realistically anyway.