My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - Printable Version
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My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - MartinRiggs - 10-05-2011 07:41 AM
Hello guys. Got recommended this site by a friend telling me this was probably the only PU forum out there that wasnt extremely biased by huge companies doing everything to get into your pocket, lol, so I guess this is the perfect place to post about my confusion.
Ill be 100% honest in this post about me, my life and my concerns, why? Cause I just cant stand this no more and I want OUT of it (my "problems", that is).
Anyway, to start out, who am I?
Im 24 years old, Im 2nd year at college in a town which I didnt grow up in and dont know many people at all, my class consists of 95% computer dudes who does everything but goes out to clubs and bars at the weekend. I first got into PU when I was 20, I read the game and found out about david deangelo, somehow this gave me the confidence to finally go out to a nightclub with my friends and the 2nd night I started making out with this girl on the dancefloor, we end up in a realtionship for like 3 years and she took my virginity.
During this time I spent alot of time reading PU material, TONS of material. Name a "guru" and Ive probably read everything he've made. Ive read it all, watched it all. Mystery, deangelo, blueprint, flawless natural, magic bullets, swingcat - everything, trust me.
However, my practical accomplishments doesnt really match up, at all, lol. Ive slept with 4 girls in my life, 1 was my LTR and 3 ONS. These girls I got with only cause of the fact they liked my looks and initiated it all, basicly. Ive never made a cold approach and got laid from it (approach a stranger, carry the conversation and end up in bed), and on top of it all, since watching the program Blueprint Decoded by Tyler from RSD I feel weird in some kind of way, its like Im way more anxious nowadays even in regular conversations with people, EVEN WITH FRIENDS. Its like it actually made me 10times MORE reactive than ever before, I dont know why really, maybe its the concept of state, or reactiveness, or delusional confidence or whatever it is, but its fucked up, really.
Ive become extremely self consious, its like Im always operating thru other peoples eyes, like I see myself in 3rd person consiously trying to micromanage the perceptions.
Ive also got confused about this whole ego vs confidence vs self esteem thing, I dont get it at all if im gonna be honest. Tyler say u shouldnt have an ego and base your confidence on that childish self esteem which is innate, but I can honestly say that if I "kill my ego", my motivations in life would be like.. nothing at all.
Where I live right now I have like zero friends, my social life is basicly none. I go to school like 2-3times a week (not that many lectures, just alot of homework) where I meet my classmates but they arent really the most social party guys, Im studying computer science so my class is like 99% programmer dudes who play world of warcraft on their free-time, Ive played too much computer games in my life already so I dont wanna go there.
I workout at the gym 4-5times a week and have been doing so for several years, well thats about my only hobby. So I have ALOT of free-time home alone, a free-time which have resulted in even more fucking reading of PU material trying to "find the one best thing" or whatever it is.
I dont have such a long way to my hometown, like 1.5hours with train and I have some friends over there who I grew up with, but honestly alot of my social life there have diminished too, alot of friends who have moved far away, even to another country.
I have a real problem making new friends also, It feels like it was just soo much easier when u were a child.
The one "plus" thing I guess I have is that Im (according to girls) pretty good looking, probably thats why I even got those 4 girls from the beginning, but aside from that, I would say Im a mess. I have yet no driver licence, fucked up social life, bad social skills, no hobbies more than my body building, not any real cut clear goals in life to strive after - on my off-days from school (which are like 4-5days a week) I end up sleeping like 12-13PM, basicly cause I dont really have anything important to get up to.
This really feels like some kind of "dark period" in my life cause I see people having so much fun, having friends etc while I go about my boring meaningless day.
I also have the feeling like I have to "sort this thing with PU out" before I can concentrate on anything else, its like I have invested so damn much time in PU that I just HAVE to solve this shit, start applying it and get good, and before I can just settle down with one method or whatever and get going it feels like this thing thats "holding me back", cause its on my mind constantly.
I recently turned 24 and I want this year to be the year I "got out of it" and took care of buisiness, but I dont know how to start, how to go about thing. I certantly do have to delete tons of fucking seduction material of my computer and only focus on 1 or at most 2 material to follow, I need some kind of goal-planning or some shit and I need to get out meet people. Its so much I dont know where to "start" really.
Also another thing, I know I would probably be able to get dates like on the internet pretty easy, cause there have been some girls who have initiated contact with me flirting, but somehow I feel held back cause I dont see myself as valuable cause my life basicly sucks, as I said, no hobbies, Im not that of an interesting person etc, so thats also holding me back.
Hmm yes well, I guess thats about it, dont know what the question is really, just would like to hear your take on this, maybe some of you have similar experiences and could share your thoughts.
Well well, it'll be fun to be a part of this forum, probably start my own journal on here eventually.
Until then, thanks!
RE: My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - Mike - 10-05-2011 08:17 AM
I think Mark pretty much sums up the lifestyle questions you have in this article. http://www.practicalpickup.com/lifestyle-excuses
I can relate to you and was in a very similar situation and I’m 23 now. You can read all the material you want, but you must go out and actually talk to women. I don’t need to tell you this, because you already know this. You must take action. If you don’t, then everything is just a complete waste of your time and energy.
When I moved across country without knowing anyone I utilized resources like Meetup.com to find groups and like-minded people. You could try Music, martial arts, art or whatever. Try some things out and stick with what you like. If you say your life sucks, then you need to be proactive on creating the life you want. Try to get your license, go practice social skills and get some hobbies. There is no technique or magic pill that will automatically make your life the way you want it. Maybe an information detox would be good for you. Good luck with everything.
RE: My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - Jon - 10-05-2011 08:49 AM
Great post. Seriously honest.
A few thoughts
1) make friends with people at your school. I don't care if they are geeky guys or whatever, there have to be a couple of guys you are at least somewhat compatible with. You don't need to see these guys 24/7 but the amount of social isolation your are putting yourself through will make anyone depressed. I'm sure there are a couple of guys in your comp sci program who would love to hit the gym with somebody who is very knowledgeable on the subject.
2) I would say throw away or at least lock up all the material you have. I'd check this article out, consider whether you might want to follow the advice. http://www.practicalpickup.com/the-guide-to-a-pua-detox.
3) It sounds like you are not in a productive routine. I would say start working on getting up in the morning, setting goals in terms of things to do, read, work on, whatever. Start with some constructive hobbies like
-reading an hour of fiction per day
-learning to cook
-taking a dance or improv class
-learning to drive
RE: My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - machiavelli - 10-05-2011 09:36 AM
Honestly, it sounds like your real problem is massive social anxiety... and seeing a shrink can help with that.
RE: My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - Symor - 10-05-2011 05:12 PM
1) Clear your mind from all the inner rules that gurus tell.The blog and the forum will help you enough on these.(realizing what could appear like wise -words from a guru,could actually be really harmful when adopting this mindset)
2) Everyday social life,but everyday,until you feel you're out of your mind.(it will take more that a month surely)
This can include,finding some hobbies(optimal) which involve other persons.Whether is cook ,music or dance lessons,(even politics but only if you have real interest for them)don't care.This will give you,the fastest way for finding a social life.It's tested.I knew that for many years,but I just did it here and there,until I did it consistenly,that gave me results.Until you find the hobbies ,keep activities that will help you get out of your mind.Gym is very good solution,combined with some more mental activities.
3)Start considering cold-approaching,with your own pace and cool.But keep in mind with social circle would be much more easier.
RE: My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - shadow - 10-05-2011 06:03 PM
To make progress, you must first figure out what you want. To know what you want, you must have clarity of mind. Before you decide to make any changes, envision how you would like your life to look like. Dare to dream big and don't worry about being right. Once you have this dream, hold on to it. That will be your fuel to make the changes. If you can cultivate enough discipline to visualize your goal everyday for 5 min, trust me, no force on earth can stop you.
RE: My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - Philip - 10-05-2011 09:24 PM
Great post. Being honest with yourself and being open to advice and criticism will get you far.
Your problem is not with PUA. You don't need to work on your skills with girls, you need to improve the quality of your life. Based on what you say, about girls initiating things with you, everything will fall into place once you are happy with your life.
I recommend not thinking about PUA, not reading about it and deleting all your downloaded PUA stuff for at least two months.
Then, start some activities and hobbies. The feelings of depression and low self-esteem may improve drastically simply because you go from an inactive life where you never do anything useful, to an active lifestyle.
Furthermore, if you do things that ou enjoy and that you feel are worthwhile, this will further increase your confidence and self-esteem.
Why don't you have your driver's license? That sounds like a great place to start. It will be very scary (it was for me too), but it will benefit you both practically and also in your feelings of self-worth.
Besides getting a driver's license, pick a hobby or fun job that has a lot of interaction with others built into it. Think dancing classes, volunteering, that sort of thing. Again, it will be scary, but you will really learn and grow.
RE: My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - MartinRiggs - 10-06-2011 03:18 AM
waassh thankyou for all responses guys, i really appreacate it.
I guess I have to write up goals, but I still want to follow some pick up material, but I think I just need to decide which and then follow it.
Actually, I can tell you this, when I FIRST got into this, and just knew a few concepts I actually got alot of confidence out of it, I could remember how I had some kind of change over night almost and I had never really felt that before. It was like "Ok all I need to do is to be more dominant, confident and social" or something like that and Ill get more girls. But then what really screwed me up for real was Blueprint I believe, theres just so many concepts in there and also eastern philosophy. I lost alot of motivation cause it was bad to have ego thaughts and stuff.
Uuuh yes well I guess I just have to decide on what to follow when developing myself to be better with girls
RE: My life, my conserns and journey into PU world - MartinRiggs - 10-06-2011 04:08 AM
Wow I just read an article by "Mark" and I stumbled upon this:
"What’s vastly more important is that you understand theoretically what behavior builds attraction: being dominant, being positive, and being sociable/fun."
"Whatever you do or say, you need to be those three things: dominant, positive and sociable.
And this is what the PUA community got so horribly wrong that ultimately did far more harm than good: you don’t have to impress ANYBODY. Being attractive IS NOT being impressive. In fact, trying to impress people usually makes you UNATTRACTIVE. Just be dominant, positive and sociable."
Damnit! Thats the key right there! I can remember it myself, these were the things I consentrated on when reading PUA in the beginning, these are the things that I think got me my hot girlfriend and these are the things which made me make some new friends so fast after discovering pua, cause I got confident and acted more dominant, I was more fun and socialised more!
Shit I cant believe how much bullshit concepts PU give you, in the end it just comes down to being more of a "man" and socialising