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How to: Be good in bed - Eros - 09-18-2011 10:53 PM
So after reading another thread about being good at sex, I thought it might be worthwhile if someone was presumptuous enough to put out a bit of a detailed how to on the subject. After beginning to write it, I realised how even a cheat sheet version would take multiple pages, so for now I've just written part one of an unknown number of posts.
Anyway, have a read and let me know what you think I've missed out on/mispresented.
How to be good in bed:
In my mind the simplest way to divide getting good at sex is in to the physical side (technical) and the mental side (frame setting/role-playing).
This will be quite a comprehensive post, so i'll start off by saying that if you're completely inexperienced (virgin/less than a handful of sexual experiences), you need to start by learning the fundamentals. This means being able to kiss well, take off clothes with minimal awkwardness, stroke and touch skin in an arousing manner, use your fingers, give good head, and then screw with consistent technique. So just focus on that bit, before trying out anything else in this article. And don't worry, achieving any level of sexual competency is remarkably easy if you consciously decide to; for the sole reason that the majority of guys seem to tend not to.
Part one of two: The Physical.
Step One: Foreplay
In reality this starts well before the bedroom/nightclub toilets/some random Boston beach, but I'll get to that in the mental section. For now we'll just assume that you're in a secluded spot where sex can reasonably be expected to happen, that you both want it, and that you're not suffering from any major sexual anxieties that need to be dealt with directly through therapy or with a patient and understanding partner.
1) Kiss well. Foreplay doesn't need to start here, and with a lot of the good sex in my life it hasn't, but we've got to start somewhere, so this will do. What defines a good kiss always depends on the circumstances (level of intimacy with partner, how long the lead-up to the moment has been, etc) but generally you're looking for the following things: some sort of rhythm, an acceptable level of saliva, and avoiding teeth contact.
Basic kissing (facial):
-You're looking into their eyes and holding their gaze as you approach their lips. The initial kiss should be a soft touch of the lips that I think of as 'sounding out' how the kiss will go. You're lining up your lips, seeing how softly/strongly you should kiss them, at what angle, etc. This is really more of an unconscious skill that you develop with experience and then learn to adjust.
-You kiss more firmly, and move your lips in sync with theirs'.
-Have your arms around their waist or one on the back of the head to help guide you. More for balance than to add to the experience.
-Repeat.
Intermediate kissing:
-Vary the rhythm and speed, from fast, passionate hungry kisses, to slow, deliberate kisses- like licking an ice cream very slowly.
-Put some tongue in. Run it over the inside of their lower lip, around the edges of their tongue, and the tip of their teeth. I'm not a huge fan of using tongue, so not much of this appeals to me, but if done right then it's definitely an excellent tool in your arsenal.
-Use your hands to do more than just help guide you. More on this later, but it includes things like running it through their hair, pulling them in close to you, grabbing their ass, and working your way up their top.
Advanced kissing:
-Bite the tip of their tongue. Carefully. If you don't think you can get this right, don't do it.
-Sucking their lower lip into your mouth. Not too much though. Get it right or don't bother at all.
-Put your finger in their mouth. Don't do this early on in foreplay, and certainly not in public. Have clean fingers. Run the finger sideways over their lip rather than just putting it in their mouth. If it's working then often they'll take it in your mouth in a sexually suggestive way. This happens way less often than you see in the movies though. In reality it's more like that chess scene in Austin Powers.
-Moving away from the lips for brief periods and kissing other areas.
-Getting imaginative. If appropriate, mix something in your mouths, such as an ice-cube or food. Fucking this up is really unsexy, though often worth the comedic value in the right circumstances.
Kissing is a skill that has so much room for improvement, so you should always work to kiss better. Unfortunately getting better is something that isn't always easy, because stopping to constantly ask for feedback is the best way to ruin a kiss, and because different girls like different things. Just accept that kissing is sort of something that you learn unconsciously, but with a little conscious attention you'll pick up what works for most girls, and how to identify when girls prefer something different. Kind of like sex in general...
Extra:
-Stand behind her and kiss down her neck to her shoulders and back up to her lower ears. Hold her in your arms while doing this.
-Nibble or suck on her ear lobe. Generally not in public, but you could do.
2) Touching above the waist (bra on). Touching above the waist is kind of the obvious step to progress from just kissing. You want to get her comfortable with having your hands on her, and get her wanting to do more than having them just touching her...
Basic touching:
-Stroke her stomach, arms, and back with the tips of your fingers and the back of your fingers.
-Stroke the side of her face, especially when kissing. Not your whole hand, just enough that the top half of your fingers linger over her cheek.
-Bring your hands under her top, or take it off slowly and carefully and then run them over her bra, gently squeezing once or twice.
Intermediate touching:
-Run your hands through her hair, particularly when kissing. Pull on it gently, near the roots.
-Firmly hold the back of her neck and pull her face towards you, either to your face if you want to kiss her lips, or over your shoulder if you want to kiss her shoulders, side of the neck, and even shoulders. Tilt her head to the side either by gently pulling the hair at the bottom of her neck or by pushing her chin away at an angle, usually with the back of your hand. This is hard to explain without diagrams, so maybe watch a movie or tv show to get an idea of what I'm talking about.
Advanced touching:
-Grab onto some skin. Guys need to be careful with this, because grabbing a whole bunch of skin can make a woman feel fat. In reality, most women have a healthy and sexy amount of body fat, and it's the perfect amount to sexily squeeze and firmly grasp while kissing her. Around the side of the waist and upper back are good areas.
-Use your nails if you have them, and if she seems keen don't be afraid to leave a little damage. This comes more under the mental section, because you have to know you're dealing with a woman who enjoys things a little rougher, but it's safe to say that most women enjoy a little pain. Digging your nails into the area where their neck starts (particularly behind it) is usually the best bet. Better to underdo this than overdo it though.
-Pinch. Same as above.
-Scratching. More on this later, but it can be brought in at this stage.
Extra:
-While standing behind her and kissing, run your hands down her side and let the tips of your fingers dip underneath the waist of her skirt/jeans. Then slowly retreat back up to her waist.
-Stroke the top of her breasts and let your hands wander down to her nipples while her bra is still on. Make sure you maintain control over how fast this is going, and don't go so quickly that she's going to stop you. This is all about teasing, which will be covered more in the mental section.
-Slowly draw shapes on her stomach or chest with your fingers. More teasing.
3) Touching above the waist (bra off)
Basic:
-Take her bra off. If you're not confident, just ask her to do it. Sure it's not sexy, but it's not as bad as fumbling with the clasp. Disclaimer: I suck at this, so I can't give advice here. Just focus more on making sure she wants to take it off than about how to do it.
-Cup her breasts. Gently squeeze/fondle them. Push them up slightly.
-Rub or lick her nipples until they're erect.
-Kiss, suck on, and lick her nipples.
-Kiss and lick the rest of the breast.
-Run your hands over the part of her back where her bra-stap went over. Bring them from their sideways to her breasts.
-Show that you're thinking about the rest of her too. Keep kissing her and stroking other areas of skin.
-Get topless yourself and have your bodies rubbing up against each other. Really you'll probably have your top off earlier, but it definitely should be off by now.
Intermediate:
-Bite her nipples. If you've never done this before, the potential for error can be daunting. But if you go carefully it's really not that difficult and most women like it. And in my experience it's the quickest way to go from 'mmm this is nice' to 'oh my god fuck me'. If she shivers and lets out a sigh that's a mix of pleasure, tension, and desire, you've got a good thing going.
-Hug her exposed breasts to your chest and kiss slowly. Start speeding up your touching. Create a sense of urgency and desperateness for progression in her. This is more a mental thing, but basically you want her to feel that need for your bodies to be meshed together, that just skin on skin rubbing isn't satisfying any more.
Advanced:
-Bite her nipples hard. This is in the advanced section for a reason. Because a (very) small number of women are going to want you to do this until they bleed. Oh, and possibly reciprocate later. Time to separate the men from the boys...
-Nipple clamps, ice cubes, food (choc sauce, fruit, etc), hot candle wax, sharp objects that can cut [way too intense for me], and so on. If you're specifically interested in any of this stuff, read up on it yourself. If she's particularly interested in it, then as long as you've created a non-judgmental environment, she'll probably introduce it or suggest it herself. I'm going to assume that you have the level of understanding to make sure this is something you both want.
Extra:
-Get her kissing your body. This should happen naturally, but if she's a bit timid/unresponsive then you might have to encourage her by moving her face, breathing heavily or moaning to emphasise that you're enjoying it, or just straight up asking her to.
-Massage her. This can come at any stage of foreplay really, but it's worth doing just before or after you take her bra off. If you're not good at massages (I'm not), then look at massaging some body lotion or something similar into her skin.
-Piercings. If she has a nipple piercing then just know that it usually makes her nipples a little more sensitive. So go a bit slower and then increase to a good level. It also probably means she likes it a little rougher than other girls. Don't make this assumption though, confirm it.
-Biting. Sparkly vampires can teach us something after all. Like with biting nipples, generally most girls like this to an acceptable level. Hickeys are immature, embarrassing, blah blah blah, but they're also fucking hot if they're wanted. Suck on her neck or collar hard enough to create a bruise. Again, this is about knowing when a girl will be ok with that, which is more the mental component. One of the hottest experiences I ever had was wrestling with an ex-girlfriend while we tried to give each other hickeys. Pushing her face away with one hand while stopping her squirming by pinning her legs between mine and using the other hand to pull her neck in to bite=fucking hot. Especially if you're both trying to make each other your little bitch. More on this in role-playing later.
Ok, hit me with suggestions and/or criticisms.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - FirstAidKit - 09-19-2011 04:48 AM
This all sounds like very good advice. My only bit to add is to be aware of where you are biting and the sensitivity - I'm quite into the rough stuff myself but had someone go from my shoulders (can take a lot of roughness) to biting my inner thigh, VERY HARD (extremely painful and jarring). It's worth noting that the more turned on you get, the more rough sensations seems pleasurable..at least for me, your mileage may vary.
Also: Bra straps.
Most girls wear a back closing bra, which has two or three hook and eye clasps. It's best to keep the 'eye' strap (almost always on the left side of her body, your right), while pinching the 'hook' strap and bending it back on itself a little, so it unhooks. It's pretty easy to do one handed when you get the knack. I'd really need a diagram to explain better but honestly the best way is to practice.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - Eros - 09-19-2011 06:08 AM
Definitely FAK. A lot of this stuff you're going to have to work out yourself from simply practicing and slowly increasing the intensity while measuring her response. I thought I'd cover that more in the mental section, but for now I just put biting/roughness in the more advanced section so guys realise that it's something you don't rush into.
Yes, definitely need diagrams don't you. I think the best how to guide would really be a video...
Anyway, I'm crap with bras, so as far as I can say that's good advice.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - shadow - 09-19-2011 09:29 AM
Appreciate your taking the time to write this. Brohugs.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - Eros - 09-23-2011 08:48 AM
Post # 2 of ?:
First off, for any inexperienced guys getting nervous about the comprehensiveness of these posts; don't worry. As long as you've already got a girl who wants to go to bed with you then you don't need to be concerned about anything more than being slightly competent at the 'basic' sections of each of these areas. You don't need to be doing everything in them, nor should you be. Just focus on enjoying each stage, listen to the feedback her body gives you, and you'll be fine. Once the clothes start coming off, you have even less to worry about, as a rush of hormones for her will give you a decent bit of room for error. If you have any issues with getting it up or coming too early, I'll cover these later. These don't have to be as big a problem as you might think they would be.
4) Touching below the waist (underwear on). This can be relatively simple if you want it to be. By the stage where pants/skirts are coming off she's probably fine if things are just progressing straight towards sex. This shouldn't be the case if you're regularly having sex with someone, but if it's a first time then it's often preferable, in order to avoid losing momentum or doing something she doesn't like.
Basic:
-If she isn't taking the initiative to take off her pants/skirt just yet, start moving it in that direction yourself. If she's wearing jeans or something else with a tight waistband, slide your fingers down her side and under the waistband. Then move them to the front or back and teasingly withdraw them. Don't go too far unless she's obviously very keen for it, because you're looking to still maintain that you're leading this dance. If she's wearing something loose like a skirt, you can run your hands up her lower thigh, towards her ass or upper inside of her thighs.
-If you're lying on a bed or have her back against a wall (both preferable by this stage), push one of your legs between hers so that your lower thigh is lined up with her crotch. Leave it there for a little bit to get her comfortable with it, but after a minute or so you should start grinding it slowly into her. She can have her pants/skirt on or off for this, but obviously vary how hard you grind depending on which. If she hasn't started moaning and catching her breath, she should by now. Encourage her by making some noises of your own, such as breathing heavily or letting out exclamations of breath as you push into her. Hopefully you have some dry-humping experience as a teen to call on here.
-Touch her everywhere. From her toes up to her head. Don't rush though. Even if you're both in a hurry, constantly jumping from one bit of her body to the next is rarely sexy. Stroke your hands up the back of her legs, kiss her collar while you slowly work your fingers up her thighs, grab her ass and give it a firm but slow squeeze. Don't be afraid to pull back for a few seconds and then build back up. Just because you've managed to get closer to the prize doesn't mean you shouldn't keep drawing it out.
-Bring one hand to her inner thigh and massage it there, slowly bringing it to her underwear. Try and sense if she's at all uncomfortable with this. If she is, go back a few steps and return to it later. Once she's ok with it, gently massage the front of her underwear by pressing your hand into her crotch. If you focus on the top of her crotch (around the Clitoris) then go slowly and gently, and increase intensity while paying attention to her body language. As always, don't be afraid to ask for advice on how she likes it. If you're focusing on her lower crotch (around the outer labia and vaginal opening) then you can be a little more firm and quicker. It's always better to go slower and increase speed and pressure though.
Intermediate:
-Be imaginative before the underwear comes off. This is such an easy stage to just skip past and get right to the nudity, but drawing things will generally pay off later, and can also be a whole lot of fun.
-Kiss up and down her legs. This isn’t hard, so it doesn’t exactly deserve to be in the ‘intermediate’ section, but it’s a lot more effective if you know how to mix in some eye contact, vary the kisses, and give her the variation of going from tongue to fingers to fingernails.
-Use the palm of your hand to massage her labia, while simultaneously stimulating her clitoris with your middle finger. This is slightly awkward at first, but definitely a learnable skill. If you’re finding it difficult or ineffective, try inverting your hand and massaging her clit with the palm of your hand, and using your fingers on her labia. Try rubbing between the inner and outer labia. All of this is good because it’s seriously building her desire to be penetrated. So... yeah...
Advanced:
-Pretty much anything rough you did earlier on- biting, scratching, etc, you can bring in here, but with a bit more caution. Find a diagram that shows the erogenous/more sensitive parts of the lower body, and act accordingly. If you want to hand out a bit of punishment here then the ass is probably the best place to go. Thighs are generally going to be to sensitive for real rough-play. With her ass you can squeeze, scratch, and pinch though. Oh and of course there's always room for...
-Spanking. If you haven't been rough at all yet, then you probably shouldn't bring it in here. Wait until the next time. If you have though, then feel free to try one soft slap to a cheek. Often the first spank doesn't feel that great for the girl, whether or not technique is good, so be prepared for that. However, if she's been spanked before and likes it then she probably knows this, and will encourage you in some way. Once you've established that, try hitting again in a slightly different spot. Stay away from the vaginal area though. Focus on the meatiest part of the cheek, and try to deliver a firm slap with a slightly curved but strong hand. She shouldn't be feeling the bones near your wrist though, or you've stuffed up. Rub the slapped area before or afterwards to stimulate blood flow there, which is what turns slapping from bad pain into good pain. Don't focus too much on one ass cheek, but a healthy flushed redness is good.
Extras:
-When you're grinding your thigh into her, wait until you can feel her wetness start to soak through her underwear and onto your thigh. This won't always happen, because her wetness can get trapped between her labia, but if it does it's obviously a good sign. If it hasn't happened after 10 minutes then move on, because it's either not working or it's the above scenario.
-If you’re concerned about getting her underwear off, do it at the same time as you take off her pants, in one motion.
-When you're slapping her ass, consider turning it into a pain for reward scenario. This is more of the mental side, but you can rub her crotch or kiss her breasts after each slap or couple of slaps to 'reward' her for accepting her punishment. One of my favourite memories is making my ex beg for a good 5 or 6 slaps each time before giving her the reward of rubbing her clit. You can amp up the frequency and intensity of the slaps because the more pleasure you give to her clit, the more pain she can handle and enjoy.
5) Touching below the waist (underwear off)
This is similar to what’s above, except she’s completely naked now. So, shouldn’t you, like... finger her? Well sure, if she’s close to begging for it and you don’t feel like waiting. But otherwise just a little restraint is a good idea. Two minutes extra waiting time here is like 10 minutes earlier.
Basic:
-No need to rush, but do run your hands over her bare ass and upper thighs. Think of it like you’ve just got to the stage of unwrapping a present at christmas where you’ve figured out what it is; you pause for a second to admire the gift before you try it out. Oh, and thank Baby Jesus.
-More good touching of the legs, breasts, and the rest of the body. Speed up the pace a little bit, and your kissing should be at its most intense by now.
-Let your hands run slowly to her vagina. It doesn’t exactly matter where you start, but I recommend running your fingers between the inner and outer labia up towards her clitoris.
-Rub her clitoris with a couple of fingers, probably your index and middle. Tips pointing down probably, but whatever feels most natural for you. Rub gently at first, and then you can build the pressure/intensity as you gauge her reaction.
-Now here’s where you have to make a choice. You could put your fingers inside, and finger her until whenever you choose to stop (orgasm, or to progress to oral sex or sex) or you could skip this altogether. Why would you do that? Well, then you’re still not satisfying that craving of hers to get penetrated yet, so she’s likely to want to get you inside her pretty damn quick. Up to you whether you want that now or later.
-On the other hand (no pun intended), while oral sex gets all the plaudits, being able to finger a girl well is a skill well worth having. I’ve seen girls go all go kinds of crazy when on the end of a talented hand (yes, I’m bragging). It generally lets you retain more control/power in the situation than oral sex, leaves your mouth free to kiss her or lick her nipple, and you can move her around a lot more easily.
-This is the basics section though, so don’t try anything too crazy out here. Just use two fingers to go in and out while using your other hand for balance or to stroke her breasts, legs or ass.
Intermediate:
-Really this is too much down to each individual girl. Generally you just want to experiment until you find what she likes. Intensity, speed, areas to focus, etc all vary so much from girl to girl it’s hard to give a lot of general advice. Here are some things that are generally reliable though:
-Use one hand to penetrate her while the other rubs her clit.
-Try finding her g-spot with the inserted fingers. Google how to do this, but basically it involves a ‘come hither’ gesture, and searching for a relatively large spongey spot that most articles describe as ‘about the size of small coin’. It helps if she’s really turned on and often if you rub her clit simultaneously it swells up.
-If you’ve got a less sensitive girl, it’s not actually too dangerous to be a little bit rough with her. You can finger her quite fast and aggressively. Just have clipped fingernails, make sure you’re moving around inside her more than hitting her walls, and bring your fingers in and out quite frequently instead of jamming them around inside her.
-Depending on how cool you think she would be with it, you can take out your fingers and lick them. Or she can lick them. Especially good if you’re about to go down on her.
Advanced:
-Fisting. [Note:This is long for a reason. It’s not easy. Read it all the way through before you even consider trying it.] I’m actually not speaking from experience here unfortunately. The closest I’ve come has been four fingers, but I have been in situations where I probably could have gone for the whole hand. OK, now let’s pause for a second to think about this scenario in a context guys can understand. Imagine if a girl was going to put her fist up your ass. Got your attention? The kind of patience and care you would want from her in that situation is what you’re going to need here. I should note here that if she has any scars around that area or if you know she’s had surgery around that area, you definitely shouldn’t try this. Go try something crazy on her ass instead.
Firstly, you’re going to want her really, really turned on. Contrary to popular belief, vaginal tightness has nothing to do with the amount/size of previous sexual partners. You’ll find virgins who are looser than prostitutes (again, not speaking from experience). Things that will affect natural tightness are whether she’s had a child (looser), whether she does pelvic floor exercises- also known as Kegels- (tighter) or whether she’s had surgery (either). However, the more turned on (and there are a whole heap of factors coming in to play here to decide that) she is, the looser she’ll be. The amount of looseness and lubrication you’re going to need is going to be more than you’ll be working with on average, so do leave this one for special occasions when she’s got that crazy kind of horniness that comes with marriage proposals, make-up sex, etc. When that time does come though, here’s how to do it. Firstly, work up slowly. Start with two fingers. Work them around for a bit. Make sure you know how wide your fingers can go, and which areas inside her are no-go. Then squeeze that third one in, most likely by crossing it slightly under the other two. You can probably manage that without asking her permission, but unless you’ve got a lot of trust, you should ask anyway. Same deal for the fourth finger as the third, but take it even more slowly. And definitely ask for permission. Be really in tune with her body language, as well as having her telling you if it’s ok or not. Watch her face, and while she’ll probably be biting her lip with the intensity anyway, make sure she’s not flinching or showing any other sign of pain. At the very most you’ll probably be able to get the index and middle fingers up to about between the second and third knuckles. Finally, once you have all four fingers in and you’re both comfortable with them being in there, you need to draw them out slowly. Then curl your hand into a fist. I hope you checked before to make sure you don’t have abnormally large hands. If you do, mission aborted soldier. Assuming you don’t, same process to enter as before. Once you have it in there, don’t go crazy. Just slowly move it back and forward a bit. Either it’s going to be so intense she comes easily from it, or you’re going to have to just stop. That’s ok. Don’t force the orgasm. See how bad that sounds in this context? Slowly withdraw the fist.
Some more lame disclaimers: the majority of guys are not going to be able to do this. Don’t take that as a challenge. There are a million other crazy things you can do, sometimes you’ve just got to let it go. Most girls will probably not be able to handle a whole fist, or enjoy it, or even let you if they did. However, the majority should be able to handle 3 or even 4 fingers, and that’s pretty crazy regardless.
-Squirting. Another thing I have no experience in, though not for not trying. Google this. Basically, she either physically can or can’t, and there’s not much you can do if she’s the latter. You can figure out if you’re a lucky bastard by doing the following though: make her understand that the idea of her getting you, the bed, and her very wet is actually incredibly sexy, and doesn’t make you think of pee at all (don’t even mention the word), finding her g-spot when it’s swollen up, and then trying a lot of different fingering techniques.
-All the kind of rough stuff we mentioned earlier. Flicking or pinching her clit? Could work, but I’ve never tried it and don’t plan to. It’s in the advanced section, so it’s up to you to figure out how well you can get any of this to work. Oh, but don’t do obviously stupid shit like pouring hot wax around there or putting something in that might be hard to get out. On the other hand, if you’re stupid enough to try that then I doubt this advice was going to stop you anyway. Go nuts with the wax!
More comments/suggestions please.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - Mark - 09-23-2011 01:56 PM
I banged a squirter once... When she came it was literally like someone took a large glass of warm water and just poured it on me, it was ridiculous. As far as I know, squirters can't control it. She was a little embarrassed, but she said it's just always how she's been and guys either take it or leave it.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - Eros - 09-23-2011 02:41 PM
Take it.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - Philip - 09-23-2011 06:05 PM
Ive made three girls squirt so far. Including one girl who has never had an orgasm in her life (other than the squirting). Strangely, though, all three girls said it felt more strange than pleasant, and didn't even believe they squirted until I showed them my dripping arm and fingers and thr soaked bed. But the two girls that squirted who were orgasmic, I never had a second opportunity to make them squirt and experiment
.But I do believe making girls squirt is quite easy. I learned it from some dvds I bought. I can check the name of the dvds if you want.
The technique is simply putting two fingers inside of her and making the come hither motion. But you can press harder and firmer against the wall of her vagina than you think. And you should move your fingers with that motion, while simultaneously moving your arm back and forth. If you combine the up and down motion of your arm with the come hither motion of your fingers, to FIRMLY and RAPIDLY finger her G-spot, that area will become wet and spongy in less than a minute, usually seconds. As you feel it getting wetter you tell her it's good if it feels like she has to pee. She wont pee, there will only be pleasure. You tell her that she can LET GO, relax. Additionally, you can tell her you want her to squirt all over the fucking bed.
If she is capable of letting go, then she'll squirt for you very quickly.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - Eros - 10-01-2011 11:06 AM
Post #3 of ?:
This next section will focus exclusively on one of the most fundamental skills a guy needs to learn in the bedroom: oral sex. I'd assume that most guys realise there is massive payoff for being good at oral sex, but for those who haven't, here's a brief summation.
Being good at oral sex will:
-Give you massive room for error in the rest of your sexual ability
-Significantly increase her desire to go to bed with you again
-Allow her to relax more, which in turn will increase her enjoyment of the overall experience, make it easier for her to come when you give her head and during sex, and increase the intimacy between the two of you
-Take the pressure off of you to make her come during sex
-Increase your confidence outside of the bedroom
-Teach you quickly about the differences between what different types of women prefer in the bedroom and determine what type of woman you are with
-Make her more likely to return the favour and go down on you
So, let's assume you've got her to the stage where she's naked, wet, and ready to go. Where to go from here?
Basics:
This is the basics so this advice will be from the perspective of where she's lying on her back with her thighs open and you are lying on your front with your head between her legs. Any other position will be covered later on.
-Kiss up and down the inside of her legs, not getting too close to her vagina yet. Run your hands over her thighs and ass. Slowly kiss/lick up the insides of her thighs.
-Bring your hand/s to her vagina. While licking closer and closer to her vagina, open up her labia with your fingers.
-Your first lick can be anywhere really, but I'd recommend avoiding the clitoris for the moment, and making it a good long one (both in terms of time and distance) from bottom to top of her open labia. The best description of this lick I've ever heard is it being compared to the lick you'd get from a St. Bernards dog. So, sloppy, wide tongued, and firm-ish.
-Judge from her breathing, moans (or lack thereof), and other body language how successful that was. If it didn't elicit much of a response then try a firmer, more directed lick with a pointed tongue. Otherwise, repeat this basic lick a few times to get away to a good start.
-Move to her clit. Again, start off with a gentler lick and then increase in intensity. Increase at a steady rate and not too quickly or you may go past her point of comfort, setting you back a few steps. Go back to her labia and near her vaginal opening frequently.
-Keep varying your technique. Treat it like an ice cream that never melts away; try different directions, paces, and intensity. Find the one that seems to get the best response and continue with that.
-Just keep going with what seems most effective, changing things up every once in a while.
-Eventually she'll either start to show signs of nearing orgasm, such as her breathing speeding up, her moans increasing in volume, or her saying 'I'm going to come', or she'll get bored of the lack of progress and gently push your head away to get you to stop. If it's the latter, that's ok. She probably still enjoyed the experience, and you can aim to do a better job next time round. Or she wants you to fuck her.
-If it's the former, keep going with what you've been doing. Often guys feel the urge to change techniques or speed up the pace. From what I hear from most women, this is not what they want. Just keep doing what you're doing and she'll get there. If you feel like she's close but not quite there, speed it up slightly or put a finger inside her. Just this little extra edge should be enough to push her over. If not, she probably wasn't going to come anyway.
-Stop licking about 10-15 seconds after she comes, because she's probably a lot more sensitive down there now. Just kiss her or her body gently and let her enjoy the post-orgasmic bliss. When she starts to come out of that, start moving things to wherever you want to go next, whether that's her returning the favour or intercourse.
Intermediate:
-Take your time before starting this whole thing. Kiss her stomach and down to her pubic hair, teasing her. Massage her pubic bone with the palm of your hand.
-Finger her at the same time. Switch the focus between your tongue and your fingers. Go harder with your fingers to give your tongue an opportunity to take a break.
-Try more intense licks on her clit. Swirl around it gently and then lick firmly up and down it.
-Suck on her clit. Take it in your mouth and form a bit of suction around it.
-Try fucking her vagina with your tongue. Stiffen and straighten your tongue and put it in her. This is really tiring generally, so use sparingly.
-Use your hands to match what's going on down there. Grip her hips tightly and take a long, firm lick. Squeeze her nipples as you give her clit a more intense lick. Etc.
-Try out other positions. Have her standing up (preferably with her back to a wall for stability) and with you kneeling or crouching between her legs. Have her sit on your face, where she can control the pace and location of your tongue, and you can squeeze her breasts more easily. Or have her on all fours and your head lying underneath her (think of a mechanic under a car).
Advanced:
-Try it out in the shower. Be careful of slipping over though. Use the water to intensify sensations by directing it on her nipples and clit. Especially recommended if you have a detachable shower-head. If you're in the bath, apparently you can intensify her orgasm if she dips her head under just before she comes. Not my idea of fun though.
-If she seems keen for it, you can slip one of your smaller fingers in her ass. While using lube is more ideal, a fair bit of her wetness on your finger and spread on her hole should be enough. Just make sure she's showered recently. Getting her to enjoy having a finger back there is probably the first step to getting her want to try Anal sex, which I'll cover further later.
-If she enjoys that, you can try licking her ass. Again, make sure she's clean. Obviously. There's no exact technique to this, just try licking around the hole getting closer and closer until you lick it. Then you can use the point of your tongue to put pressure on the hole, preferably while you're fingering her to match the sensation.
-If her clit seems quite insensitive then really take it out on her clit. Form that suction with your mouth and beat it up a bit with your tongue. Suck it intensely and pinch her nipples. Fuck her roughly with your fingers and make big forceful licks down on her clit.
Extras:
-Taking a deep inhale just before you first lick her can let her know you think she smells good, putting her more at ease. Or it can make you sound creepy. Up to you really.
-Perhaps I should have mentioned this earlier, but enthusiasm is key. If you don't want to be doing this, you probably shouldn't. She'll sense it and it'll make her less comfortable with you down there. If you are keen though, then let it show. Feeding like a pig at a trough will make up for a lot of amateur mistakes. Just keep things wet everywhere and make lots of noise that shows how much you enjoy it.
-69. Probably the most overrated sexual position, the 69 is rarely worth the effort. Nevertheless, there is something hot about both of you working as hard as you can to intensify the other's pleasure. The easiest way is with you both lying on your sides. Just be a good multi-tasker and learn to not lose focus on giving her a good time while you enjoy what she's doing.
RE: How to: Be good in bed - Zac - 10-02-2011 09:08 AM
You put a lot of work into this man. Thanks. I was thinking about doing a project for another forum where I do play by play to a few porn videos I found where the people in the video actually have or act out some really passionate sex. You did a really nice job writing all this stuff out for guys.
I think there is a lot of information out there but I don't notice many people focusing on teaching guys how to actually have sex, at least not where I get my information. It's kind of funny because guys have a ton of sexual anxiety and we build it up to be this huge thing but I'll bet most of the guys who start this stuff seriously don't know their ass from their elbow with what to in bed. Of course you have anxiety when you don't know how to please a woman.
But yeah, just wanted to say this was sweet.