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when conversations don't hook - machiavelli - 09-15-2011 05:43 AM
This happens to me way too often:
Scene: day game. Cafe, often. Convenient situational opening of some kind. (E.g. about what she's reading/doing/wearing). Girl is clearly happy to be talking to me -- immediately puts down what she's doing, happy body language, etc. If with friends, those friends will not-so-subtly wander off. Initial attraction barrier obviously passed.
Conversation goes on about topic of situational opening. And on. Then... nothing. Energy fades. Fades... fades... I realize that I should have built in some kind of escape before this point. But I didn't. No obvious way into some new topic. She starts to lose interest. I start to lose interest.
Anyone have any bright ideas?
(Maybe I should start doing cold reads & that kind of shit?)
RE: when conversations don't hook - ZeroKelvin - 09-15-2011 06:00 AM
1) Do a cold read- "I don't know what it is, but you seem like you like to salsa / are a med student / enjoy the taste of beer".
2) Go direct and then get her number- "You know, this is kinda direct, but you're really cute and we should go out for drinks sometime."
3) Tell her about the cool place you're going to take her for drinks and how you always sit in the captain's chair and that the entire ceiling is a mirror so you can spy on other patrons and just build it up
4) Ask her questions about her to figure out how good of a match she is for you.
RE: when conversations don't hook - youregettingitwrong - 09-15-2011 06:01 AM
Maybe you are just lingering too long. Once you feel the conversation slowing in the slightest, go in for the number close and then walk away. No big.
RE: when conversations don't hook - General G - 09-15-2011 07:09 AM
The solution is: Build a multiple thread (multiple thread = a conversation where you smoothly hop from one topic to another and therefore keep the talk always fresh and interesting.)
(Coldreads and other communicative tools PUAs use are good for this.)
Work on your verbal skills systematically. For the next two months or so, use ANY opportunity to talk to people - not just to hot women, but to all kinds of people. But work on being a good talker AND being a good listener. It's equally important for a successful conversation.
RE: when conversations don't hook - Jon - 09-15-2011 08:47 AM
(09-15-2011 07:09 AM)General G Wrote: The solution is: Build a multiple thread (multiple thread = a conversation where you smoothly hop from one topic to another and therefore keep the talk always fresh and interesting.)
This is true - the way I like to put it is: change subjects BEFORE the topic is exhausted. So for instance, say you say
You: "Oh I see you went to stumptown coffee, that place is amazing"
Her: "Yeah I love it. I used to have it in portland all the time, I was so happy when they opened one here."
You don't need to keep talking about coffee. Now is your chance to say "I've never been to portland, but I hear it's amazing. Portland people seem very chill. You live there long?"
I.e. don't beat the topic of coffee into the ground. Before the conversation gets stale, switch to a new, fresh, topic.
RE: when conversations don't hook - neon - 09-15-2011 04:00 PM
I like the idea of doing a cold read... it's something I want to start trying that I have heard of before but just not really zoned in on... Sometimes interest just fades and it is natural, and if you sense that you can cut your losses and go direct, otherwise I would try to lead the conversation into a place where you can banter. If you're talking about coffee shops around town, you can set her up as your tour guide for your first date. Or if she doesn't know a lot of places you can maybe tease her about being a hermit, and since you are the socialite you can show her around town, and this will help set up a day two. Banter helps take you out of that mundane everyday conversation where people lose interest and makes you the guy she doesn't want to leave.
RE: when conversations don't hook - Rick - 09-15-2011 05:21 PM
It's important to look at your conversations and figure out where the problems were and what you could have done better, but it's also important to remember that if a conversation doesn't hook, it's not always your fault. Sometimes girls aren't that into you and aren't interested in talking. Sometimes girls are shy and aren't comfortable talking to strangers. Sometimes girls are just boring.
Point is, you shouldn't beat yourself up if a conversation doesn't go anywhere. There's (at least) two people involved in every conversation, so you can't be responsible for the whole thing.
RE: when conversations don't hook - shadow - 09-15-2011 07:01 PM
Here is the other thing. Why are you talking to the girl? Do you want to or are you forcing yourself to? As in, are you looking at the convo as a means to her phone number? If so, the neediness will show. Here is what I suggest. If you don't particularly care about conversing with her, don't. Just go for the number. Get rejected, no biggie. Next. There is no need to force a connection. People can smell it a mile away. Remember, you cannot force anybody into doing anything. Try to be more chill in your vibe. It's a skeptical, bored and interested vibe combined. This works best with direct opening. In daygame, try to go for the number fast. If you can sense interest is high and she is giving compliance and you have the time, you can try for a same day lay. Key to this is to move her fast.
BTW, just today exactly this happened. I opened a chick on public transit. Opened her direct, but very matter of fact and almost bored. She opened well. Talked a bit. Lots of silences. But I was cool with it. When I felt like re-engaging, I did. This way, I'm not trying to force rapport and it shows. Yes, the silence can be a bit awkward. But, I deal with it, by getting distracted and looking away. It is only awkward if you keep looking at her thinking of the next thing to say. This way, it just looks like you got distracted. Anyway, I did not end up getting her contact info. But I was very satisfied with what I did. Nobody can go 10/10. But you can maximize your chances by being chill and not trying to force the issue.
RE: when conversations don't hook - machiavelli - 09-17-2011 02:34 AM
Thanks guys. (Finally bought Models, btw, about 1/3 of the way through and it looks great)
RE: when conversations don't hook - Denis - 09-17-2011 12:54 PM
(09-15-2011 07:09 AM)General G Wrote: The solution is: Build a multiple thread (multiple thread = a conversation where you smoothly hop from one topic to another and therefore keep the talk always fresh and interesting.)
I never understood why this should work.
Me, personally, I get irritated by back-and-forth subject hopping when the subject isn't "digested". Maybe it's my engineering mind.
Isn't it as good to just talk about a topic and when it fades, switch to another one. I've always done this.