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Vulnerability - DaveyDrama - 07-10-2011 03:40 AM
In recent months, Mark has really been championing the whole 'vulnerability' thing and using it to establish a deeper connection with women, and I'm here to say that I firmly believe in this and discovered its effectiveness entirely by accident.
As I've previously stated, in my early days of highschool, I had a big problem with being too much of a nice guy. I would always tell girls how much I liked them with the mentality that: If there are so many asshole/player guys out there and girls always say that they want a nice guy to treat them right; if I could just BE THAT GUY, I'd be gold. Unfortunately, telling every girl that I liked how much I cared about her and assuring her how well I would take care of her actually ended up having the exact opposite result that I wanted: I got blown out constantly. Girls would see me as such a great friend for caring about them so much and never have any interest in me sexually. And yet I saw the asshole/players swing in and pick up all of these girls I was interested in. It didn't make sense and I felt depressed, confused and worthless.
Then, when I was about 17, I discovered Tucker Max. I was fascinated by all of these stories about Tucker being a drunken asshole and picking up a tonne of girls. I decided that I needed to be Tucker Max. For the next couple of years, I was an asshole to pretty much everyone. I started getting suspended from school all the time (eventually getting kicked out) being drunk on almost a daily basis and ruthlessly tormenting other students. I never showed any weakness to anyone. I was a stone wall of defiance and arrogance. And you know what? For the first time in my life, I started to see success with women. I got my first girlfriend, and then my first 5 or 6 girlfriends in rapid succesion. Funny how being an asshole will lead to short-term relationships eh?
It wasn't until after one of my buddy's girlfriends ripped me a new one at a party and totally publically embarassed me that I realized maybe being an asshole to anyone and everyone for no reason wasn't the best way to go. So I took the lesson, thought on it some more and adapted again.
I realized that you don't have be an insensitive jerk or an asshole to pick up women. I found much more success when I just tried to be a nice, upbeat, positive, friendly guy who just happens to be unapologetically good with women. Instead of being standoffish towards the world, I now try to befriend everyone and be the guy that everyone wants to have around.
Here is where the vulnerability plays in. When my ex-girlfriend and I (whom I loved deeply) broke up, I was very open about how badly I was hurt by it and my emotional recovery. Girls really sympathized with this and I feel like it was a way to show the world that I'm a real person.
Be open and honest about everything (which is another hugely important topic I'll get to in another thread). It just allows you to connect to other people on an emotional level and they'll be much more apt to share their experiences with you and empathize (and vice versa).
Also, sharing things like how much you love your grandmother, how you adore your golden retriever or enjoy taking your little nieces to the park are all ways to show vulnerability that will only help you to establish emotional connections with people.
This is the way to make yourself vulnerable to women in a GOOD way instead of coming off as clingy/needy and emotionally immature by throwing your feelings at them.
The key is to lead a healthy, attractive lifestyle while at the same time, show the world (and girls, specifically) that you're a real person underneath everything that goes on in your everyday life. I've experienced even more success with women since I realized and began integrating an element of vulnerability into my persona and am living proof that it works.
RE: Vulnerability - LGBD - 07-10-2011 08:58 AM
Well said.
That's a very good point to make. The "cocky-funny" persona can work wonders to get conversation going and make people laugh, but can be detrimental to establishing any sort of actual emotional connection/rapport with a girl. It's good to have one side that screams confident, obnoxious and a whole hell of a lot of fun but then show the girl a sensitive side once the conversation starts to taper off or you manage to legitimately offend her somehow.
I like to use that get some physical contact started...ie when I DO offend a girl a little bit with something that was meant purely as a joke I'll say something like "ok...i guess that was a little rude, come here, we'll hug it out, and we can be friends again" or something like that.
RE: Vulnerability - Todd1 - 07-10-2011 09:35 AM
I like the idea of showing people your true self and not being an asshole, but I think a lot of guys will use this the wrong way and just push themselves further into the "friend zone". How can you be vulnerable without being seen as the "nice guy"?
RE: Vulnerability - Mark - 07-10-2011 01:27 PM
Read the new book. I literally spend 100+ pages on this very subject.