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+--- Thread: Anxiety after meeting a girl as opposed to before (/showthread.php?tid=467)
Anxiety after meeting a girl as opposed to before - 007 - 06-21-2011 12:08 AM
I've been finding a lot of my problem is that I can meet a girl on a night out and be mr charming, of course a few drinks help. However its when the alcohol and glow of the previous night wears of that I can find myself very awkward when I'm with a girl, generally hot girls. I can just become this awkward pathetic shell of a man if she is hot. I don't know what to say, the conversation becomes wooden, I start becoming really odd and ask random questions to fill the gap.
So my problem is not meeting girls initially, or even ONS's as such. I can do all that. The hard bit for me is how the hell do I keep the mood and energy high and create a connection past sex and initial meeting.
I guess sometimes your just not going to click with every girl and this can mean that even though you have what it takes to seduce her, get sex etc, the following day/next time you meet just simply doesn't work to well.
What do people do in this kind of situation, when the conversation is wooden etc?
I guess on some level you have to just go with the flow. A flowing conversation and connection cant be forced. If your not chatting much then I guess you have to go with it, as perhaps thats not always bad.
I guess also the 'need' to constantly have great energy/conversation with a women is also detrimental. As in my case, if there isnt a lot of conversation than thats ok. But if your trying anything to fill that conversation than it really does become a problem.
RE: Anxiety after meeting a girl as opposed to before - BrB - 06-23-2011 01:27 AM
Just relax dude. Sounds to me like your thinking way too much. You should never feel the need to force a conversation or force random questions. Conversation is a 2 way street. The girl your with should be talking to you as well, and asking you questions if she's interested. If you don't know what to say just listen to her and ask her questions based on what she's talking about. Then once she's done explaining throw your own story in there that relates to what she was just talking about. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT as necessary.
The gap doesn't always need to be filled and your definitely right that your not always going to have great conversations with every single woman. Some chicks you just don't have much in common with besides physical attraction. It happens. There's no way you can keep the energy level up at the same level as it was the night before at a bar/club. That would be exhausting. Just relax and when in doubt shut your mouth and listen. Most women I know love to hear themselves talk.
RE: Anxiety after meeting a girl as opposed to before - DaveyDrama - 06-23-2011 01:37 AM
Treat her the same way after you hook up as you did before. Continue to exhibit the same attractive behaviour that allowed you to pick her up in the first place. It should become second nature eventually.
RE: Anxiety after meeting a girl as opposed to before - Jon - 06-23-2011 03:42 AM
At some point, if you aren't having naturally interesting conversations with somebody, maybe you two are just not that compatible. At the point where she already slept with you you shouldn't feel the need to carry the conversation entirely on your shoulders. It's not your job to keep the mood/energy good forever.
RE: Anxiety after meeting a girl as opposed to before - DaveyDrama - 06-23-2011 04:04 AM
(06-23-2011 03:42 AM)Jon Wrote: At the point where she already slept with you you shouldn't feel the need to carry the conversation entirely on your shoulders. It's not your job to keep the mood/energy good forever.
It is if he wants to sleep with her again.
RE: Anxiety after meeting a girl as opposed to before - Jon - 06-23-2011 05:31 AM
Thats silly. If she slept with you once, she's into you. Girls don't need to be entertained into sex, especially not with guys they already slept with. Constantly trying to manage a girl's mood in order to sleep with her is more likely than not to turn a girl off. I don't think keeping on a persona to keep a girl around is a good long term strategy. It will alienate more girls than it will keep around, and probably alienate the girls you want around most of all.
RE: Anxiety after meeting a girl as opposed to before - DaveyDrama - 06-24-2011 03:21 AM
What I mean is that it's his job to put in the work and fix his behaviour that's driving them away, if he wants to continue seeing them. Not to continue putting up some kind of persona. You shouldn't have to put on a 'persona' to get girls anyway.