Hey everyone I'm just getting back in the game after taking a few months break from the community. I was an active player in the game for about 1 year meaning I actively went out and "sarged" with the aim to pick up chicks and get laid.
I guess you can say I was successful with 5 SNLS, 6 BJ's and probably 30+ make outs in my 1 year of being active. I don't say this to brag and honestly 3/5 SNLS the girls were like HB5's and 2 were like HB6/7.
On the last 2 girls my condom broke and literally left me a paranoid mess and that was the point when I basically left the game and had 0% motivation to game. I spent a couple months just stuck in my house waiting for time to pass so I could take an STD test and to ease my mind that none of the girls got pregnant.
On 1 of the girls that my condom broke I am still dating and she is my FWB. Through being with her my confidence seems to get better each time we have sex and I don't here the "I'm pregnant" line. However sometimes if we are a little tipsy and I cant fully remember everything I do get a little paranoid.
However STD's are still something I am scared of and I think it has held me back from continue to approach and meet woman. It basically stopped my motivation in its tracks.
So my question is how can I get over this hurdle to get back into the game? In my mind I do want some more woman and I do want to experience some more stuff but my paranoia is holding me back from going out and getting it.
Also do get me wrong I am 110% for safe sex and take every precaution I can, its just i'm still paranoid...
Thanks For Everyones advice in advance, I really do think this is a great forum!
I've been meaning to write an STD post for a while, and honestly, I'm scared to write it (the irony, I know).
The short version is this: the more educated about STD's and the more you talk to doctors (I've had a number of scares, many worse than yours above), the more you realize that as a middle-class male in the US (or Europe), it's insanely unlikely that you'll catch anything life-alteringly bad. Pregnancy is by far, way, way, way more realistic of a concern. And even then, you have to get pretty unlucky to knock a girl up.
Thanks for the advice Mark your website and products are great.
Through all the time I have worried I have read a TON about STD's and logically seem to know how much the odds are in my favor to not catch one. This article put HIV/AIDS into perspective for me very well
http://www.libchrist.com/std/facts.html
Also when I got tested the doctor assured me about the fact that it is VERY hard for a male heterosexual non i.v drug using male to catch HIV/AIDS.
There is a movie called "Porn Star: The Legend Of Ron Jeremy" which is a documentary about his life. In the movie they record him while he is getting his HIV Test and he even says it himself that he is still paranoid every month and starts putting negative scenarios into his head. He says thats is nearly impossible for a man to get HIV and that his doctor has never even had a positive test yet he is still paranoid.
I have friends who have over 30+ lays and said they only used a condom maybe half the time yet still they never got an STD or a girl pregnant.
After giving it some thought I have come to realize that maybe the problem stems from another issue I have which is worrying to much about everything. I think that its habit for me to always put negative scenarios into my head and that is maybe the root of it all.
Anyways I looks forward to seeing that article so hopefully you can publish it in the future. STD's and safe sex never seem to be really talked or taught about in the community. Also it would be fun to hear some of your scare stories.
I had a scare once too and read up on STD's.
Basically, you can forget about catching HIV. It's like being hit by lightning. The easiest way to get it is by sharing needles with drug users. After that you would need to have a lot of sex with very nasty prostitutes or very sexual active gay men or something to get a reasonable chance of catching it. (Also, HIV is very treatable nowadays. It's not the big deal it once was. See South Park.
)
Most other STD's are no problem at all. Some antibiotics and they're gone.
I'm only scared of herpes. But I think it's not very common here in Europe.
Yeah, the herp is only legit concern. And even that one you can take medications to put it into remission so it is never contagious.
Zodiac: I've come across a handful of guys over the years who channel a lot of their sexual anxiety and fear through paranoia about STD's. Also, if you're a germ-a-phobe, or have OCD tendencies, they'll often be expressed through rampant STD fear and anxiety.
But use a condom, don't sleep with any really questionable girls, and you'll be fine.
Yeah, my impression is that Herpes is far less of a big deal as an actual disease than the stigma associated with having herpes and issues surrounding when to disclose.
Mark,
You are right it could very well stem from that. When I first started getting laid sexual anxiety is something I had to deal with. It went from Approach Anxiety to sexual anxiety. I still actually have some and I don't think I fully allow myself to enjoy sex like I should. I mean I still am not able to bust while fucking only when I get head so there are for sure some anxieties there.
Everyone in this thread has really made STD's seem like they are not all that bad at all lol At the same time though I don't want to catch one! Also at this point from what I have seen in terms of girls cheating and the crazy things they do all woman seem questionable to me!
I think the more experience I have though the more comfortable I will get. Sex is not something a person should be scared of.
"All" women seem questionable?
It seems like this probably has more to do with trust issues than sexual anxiety.
I think it would really help if you get a girlfriend, or at least a sexual relationship with a girl you trust.
You can both get tested so you know you are 100% safe. Then you can work on being comfortable with sex and enjoying it with this one girl. You can have sex with her as many times as you like and gradually get out of your comfort zone. Knowing that she's clean ensures that you can't use your "what if I get an STD" rationalization of your anxieties on her.
Despite the statistics for HIV being low, if you are a middle class white male in Europe/America etc, I still think..You really never fucking know.
In fact I would like to research more about the demographics of HIV positive people in Europe/America.
One women, maybe have slept with two men, and one of those men might have slept with 10 women. And those 10 women might have slept with say, another two men each. So thats then 20 people. And then what about those two men each of those women slept with, they probably slept with more women. So like even if your just having sex with 'respectable, middle class women' etc or whatever, for me its the idea that through promiscuity, and std could possibly spread from some druggie underclass users to more respectable, middle class non drug user types.
So you never know.
The statistics probably make sense, but it still feels slightly caviler in this day and age to just say fuck it, I can sleep with anyone because Im a white male that doesn't take drugs so therefore I wont get HIV.
I did hear about an interesting book called "The Wisdom of Whores: Bureaucrats, Brothels and the Business of Aids" by Elizabeth Pisani that I want to read soon, all about HIV and how its still generally only a problem in drug users that inject, gay men, and prostitutes..