I was called "nice" by a girl the other day. Yet, it was not the kiss of death. In fact, she said "you're so nice" right after we finished having sex, just after meeting. This has happened quite a few times after I have gone home with girls very quickly. I actually think that the "nice" vibe I give off is a reason I have been able to get pretty good at fast pulls (2-3 hours).
Basically, I move the ball forward, but I am careful not to excesively pressure. I always smile, talk to the friends, show genuine interest in whatever anybody is talking about. I've ended up being the guy chasing away creepy grinding dudes who were bothering girls who were friends with the girl I randomly started making out with (i considered this hilarious, where I was making out with one girl, then having to pretend to be her friend's boyfriend to get rid of some really weird dude, then back to the random makeout). For whatever reasons, girls just trust me REALLY fast, both the girl I am pursuing, and her friends.
I think that this is a side effect of balancing going after what I want (to hook up with the girl) and actually taking care of the needs of other people, whether thats helping contribute to everybody having a good time, backing off if the girl thinks im escalating too fast, without either seeming hurt or pissed, and continuing to have fun.
Here, here! This is the kind of shit I'm talking about.
I've actually had girls tell me that they went home and slept with me BECAUSE I was "such a nice guy" and that they could tell that I "really cared about them." These were very hot girls who get hit on constantly as well. Has happened a number of times. Such enjoyable experiences too... I'm absolutely convinced there's a large segment of high quality women who are too self-aware to get sucked into the whole fake alpha facade.
I'm just beginning to understand this. A large part of it for me was my mistaken assumption from reading too much PU material that u constantly have to be doing something. I now view that "stuff" more as spikes than a constant thing. 90% of the time you just have to be a normal dude without any outcome dependence or neediness.
This nice-guys-dont-get-laid concept probably brings more harm and it helps.
I've really found that being very sweet to girls while also maintaining a measured physicality and dominance is a very powerful combo. Giving genuine compliments while holding her hips close to you, actually listening to her stories while you play with her hair, and so on.
Mike from Jersey Shore, as much of an alpha facade as he has, actually recognizes the importance of being sweet. In a relationship tips bonus video, part of his advice to guys is "It really just comes to being as nice as possible, as sweet as possible." If you're curious, you can watch the video free here for free:
http://amzn.to/nf7MWT
I can also pitch in my experience and say that recently a girl told me "you are too nice" right before she came home with me to have sex for the first time-- and we had met just hours prior.
(08-06-2011 08:00 AM)shadow Wrote: [ -> ]I'm just beginning to understand this. A large part of it for me was my mistaken assumption from reading too much PU material that u constantly have to be doing something. I now view that "stuff" more as spikes than a constant thing. 90% of the time you just have to be a normal dude without any outcome dependence or neediness.
Hell yes. A great piece of advice to combat "running out of things to say" comes from TD and it is: "lower your criterion for how interesting you need to be." Now, I think when they advise people to just self amuse they give people the wrong idea and a lot of people interpret what they are saying as "act like an outrageous goof ball to pump your state." Really, it's a matter of just talking about things you find interesting that are appropriate for the environment.
We should put together like "Nice Guys Finish First" compendium or something and let it go viral. The whole "you have to be a dick to get laid" thing is so unhealthy and probably the biggest problem in the industry currently, in my view. It's also my biggest pet peeve at the moment.
My focus on vulnerability and connection recently has gotten some criticism for being too "beta" or "nice guy." While I'd be willing to bet that many of these "alpha" PUA's saying this shit aren't getting laid often.
(08-06-2011 10:18 AM)Mark Wrote: [ -> ]We should put together like "Nice Guys Finish First" compendium or something and let it go viral.
That sounds like a fantastic idea. I am definitely down to help out with this.
Wondering what format would work. Youtube vid? Maybe an xtranormal video?
(08-06-2011 10:18 AM)Mark Wrote: [ -> ]We should put together like "Nice Guys Finish First" compendium or something and let it go viral. The whole "you have to be a dick to get laid" thing is so unhealthy and probably the biggest problem in the industry currently, in my view. It's also my biggest pet peeve at the moment.
How about "
You don't have to be a dick to get laid. You just need to have one." and a picture of dude in a dick suit hitting on girls (the girls looking contemptuous at the guy) for the cover? 8D
Wouldn't that bring the message and powerfully so? The anti-dick campaign... Hilarious.
For the format, maybe some kind of little story-telling clean 2D animation prezi-presentation-like-transitions video?
I too think the definition of Nice guy is not set right. You can be submissive, assertive or aggressive. What they meant is you don't have to be a wuss. Then it was interpreted as you have to be
a macho man... You just have to be a decent, integer, real human being in everything you do.