05-11-2011, 09:37 PM
I'm really getting sick of the height/looks thing coming up over and over again, especially when it's really such a pointless discussion... I'd like to post a few quotes here from various replies that I've written that sum everything up, then I'd like it if we can please put this topic to rest. From now on, if a thread gets hijacked by the looks/height discussion, then please refer people to this post.
First of all, I would say that in 90% of cases, guys use looks/height as an excuse for their poor results or as a way to bitch out. In all of my time coaching, the hundreds of guys I've met and thousands of emails I've read, it's very rare that I see a height/looks situation that looks like a 100% valid explanation for a result.
Tall guys always think height doesn't matter. Good-looking guys always think looks don't matter. Why? Because they're tall/good-looking and still never get laid.
Short guys always think height matters a lot. Ugly guys always think looks matter a lot. Why? Because they're short/ugly and never get laid.
Both are full of shit and just rationalizing away their results... Here's the truth...
The fact of the matter is that height/looks/age/race all DO matter. They absolutely matter, but they matter far less than you think. And chances are, if you think that these things are the main determinant of your results (or lack thereof), then they matter FAR less than you think.
The danger is that when you blame height/looks for your results, you're less likely to put in that extra effort and saddle that extra responsibility necessary for good results.
The irony actually, is that guys who blame or rationalize height/looks as the reason they don't get laid are guys who negative and have a shitty attitude. Being negative and having a shitty attitude is far more unattractive than being three inches shorter than average.
How do I know this? Because I've worked with guys who look like male models but FEEL like they're ugly, and girls treat them the same that they treat guys who actually are ugly. I've also worked with short, ugly guys who thought they were the best-looking guy in the room. As a result, they behaved like the best-looking guy in the room, and women treated them that way.
And while we're at it: I've known short guys who got laid regularly in Germany. I've known guys in their 50's who regularly slept with women in their early 30's and late 20's. Stereotyping and generalizing -- whether based on valid observations or not -- really doesn't do you any favors. There's no way to ever objectively know how much your looks/height/age is affecting a situation, so you might as well assume the best. To not to is a defense mechanism, and all you're protecting is your ego, so that you don't have to take responsibility for your failures. It's easier to just say, "Oh, all of those German girls like tall guys, it's not my fault they don't like me." Guys who say stuff like this never even stop to consider that it's not the height that's the problem, it's the fact that they're a guy who stands around complaining about how short he is that repels them.
There's nothing you gain in the long-run by stereotyping women before you meet them. Whether it's a true stereotype or not, it will never help you, only hurt you. So stop it. It's that simple. Stop.
You don't have control over your height or some of your physical features. But you do have control over how you see yourself and how you see your relationship to the world. There are many, many, many ways a guy who is 5'6" can be more attractive than a guy who is 6'2". Focus on those.
First of all, I would say that in 90% of cases, guys use looks/height as an excuse for their poor results or as a way to bitch out. In all of my time coaching, the hundreds of guys I've met and thousands of emails I've read, it's very rare that I see a height/looks situation that looks like a 100% valid explanation for a result.
Tall guys always think height doesn't matter. Good-looking guys always think looks don't matter. Why? Because they're tall/good-looking and still never get laid.
Short guys always think height matters a lot. Ugly guys always think looks matter a lot. Why? Because they're short/ugly and never get laid.
Both are full of shit and just rationalizing away their results... Here's the truth...
Quote:On my old blog, I basically explained it thus:
- There are two ways in which men are attractive: I call them passive and active attraction, respectively.
- Passive are things you are: looks, style, fashion, social proof, etc.
- Active are things you do: escalate, tease, charisma, etc.
More passive attraction you have, the less active attraction you need. The less passive attraction you have the more active attraction you need. Being ugly or short doesn't mean you can't get girls, it means it will just be harder. Being good-looking doesn't mean that you will get every girl without trying, it just means you don't have to try as much as a short/ugly does.
Regardless, your height/looks is never a valid excuse for not trying and never a valid excuse for not getting her.
The fact of the matter is that height/looks/age/race all DO matter. They absolutely matter, but they matter far less than you think. And chances are, if you think that these things are the main determinant of your results (or lack thereof), then they matter FAR less than you think.
The danger is that when you blame height/looks for your results, you're less likely to put in that extra effort and saddle that extra responsibility necessary for good results.
The irony actually, is that guys who blame or rationalize height/looks as the reason they don't get laid are guys who negative and have a shitty attitude. Being negative and having a shitty attitude is far more unattractive than being three inches shorter than average.
How do I know this? Because I've worked with guys who look like male models but FEEL like they're ugly, and girls treat them the same that they treat guys who actually are ugly. I've also worked with short, ugly guys who thought they were the best-looking guy in the room. As a result, they behaved like the best-looking guy in the room, and women treated them that way.
Quote:Best guy I've ever known was 5'9" or so, skinny with long hair and a big nose. Dude's dated lingerie models and SI swimsuit models and shit. I've known two guys, one 5'4" and one 5'5" who absolutely killed it, often with girls much taller than them. The 5'5" was also a monster on dance floors and in night clubs... he was Asian, btw.
Stop making excuses. Get out of the house.
And while we're at it: I've known short guys who got laid regularly in Germany. I've known guys in their 50's who regularly slept with women in their early 30's and late 20's. Stereotyping and generalizing -- whether based on valid observations or not -- really doesn't do you any favors. There's no way to ever objectively know how much your looks/height/age is affecting a situation, so you might as well assume the best. To not to is a defense mechanism, and all you're protecting is your ego, so that you don't have to take responsibility for your failures. It's easier to just say, "Oh, all of those German girls like tall guys, it's not my fault they don't like me." Guys who say stuff like this never even stop to consider that it's not the height that's the problem, it's the fact that they're a guy who stands around complaining about how short he is that repels them.
There's nothing you gain in the long-run by stereotyping women before you meet them. Whether it's a true stereotype or not, it will never help you, only hurt you. So stop it. It's that simple. Stop.
You don't have control over your height or some of your physical features. But you do have control over how you see yourself and how you see your relationship to the world. There are many, many, many ways a guy who is 5'6" can be more attractive than a guy who is 6'2". Focus on those.
Quote:Here's a list of everything I can think of that leads to getting laid and getting girls:
Body Language
Fashion
Social Proof
Grooming
Style
Hobbies/Interests
Accomplishments
Storytelling
Charisma
High Energy
Empathizing/Connecting
Height/Physical Features
Confidence/Lack of Fear
Escalation
Statements of Interest
Teasing/Flirting
Bantering
Isolation/Movement
Humor
Race/Culture
Dominance
Emotional State
Relating/Vibing
-----------------------
Everything that you have control of is bolded. Everything you don't control is not bolded. NEW RULE: You're only allowed to complain about what's not in bold once you've improved everything that's in bold as much as possible.