OK, I know I swore I was done with these PUA-related posts, but this one is kind of a tangent and I think important to touch upon. It refers to a comment to my last post, A Guide to a PUA Detox. A commenter named Jason replied with the following:
While I agree with the overall sentiment here, there are a lot of different scenarios in field where that mantra runs a vague in my eyes.
[Mixed] sets, obstacles, cock blocks, etc.
I think this is a perfect example of where PUA Theory DOESN’T help and actually HURTS guys.
Just look at the words that you’re using: obstacle, cock block, mixed sets… What’s an obstacle? Her friend? Her friend is a human being. But you see her as an “obstacle” standing between you and having sex…
You know why women cock block? Because you’re seeing them as obstacles and not people!
Look, here’s the simple and fundamental truth… when you hit on a girl, all that her friends want to know about you is, “Is he a good guy or not?” If you treat the friend like a threat or an obstacle rather than a friend, then she’s going to think you’re a dick and she’s going to disapprove of you, thus becoming a cock block. But if you’re nice to her, and show her that you’re a cool guy who genuinely likes her friend, then she’s not only going to refrain from screwing up your spot, sometimes she’ll even help you.
She’ll think to herself, “Wow, this guy is really cool and seems genuine, my friend deserves a guy like that.” This happens all the time. Sure, sometimes you get the random jealous friend, but even them, you can kill them with kindness. Compliment them, befriend them and try to hook them up with a friend of yours.
As for other guys, it’s the same thing. What I’ve found is that 99% of the time, other guys who are hanging out with girls you want to meet, they only want one thing: respect and to be acknowledged. That’s why I coach guys to always acknowledge another guy first thing. And in three years, I’ve NEVER run into a significant “AMOG” situation while coaching.
You turn to the guy, say, “Hey, I’m Mark, what’s up?” Shake his hand firmly, look him in the eye, and tell him it’s nice to meet him and then ask him how he knows the girls. This shows that you 1) respect him and his friends, and 2) are acknowledging that the girls are his friends. Then maybe chat with him for a minute to show him that you’re a nice guy. Build a little rapport. That will solve 99% of your “other guy” problems before they even start. Then when you go to hit on one of the girls, first of all, you’ll have an idea if she’s available or not… but you’ll also have a new bro in your corner. Hell, maybe you can try to hook him up with her friend (who is a friend and not an obstacle).
The problem with the conventional PUA Theory is that it perceives other people in antagonistic way — it says: these are people that you’re competing with, that you have to dominate and conquer on your way to fucking the princess as if it’s Dungeon Lvl. 8 on some RPG.
People are people. And 99% of them on this planet are good people. So treat them as if they’re already your friend and they’ll act like they’re already your friend. If you treat them like they’re an obstacle, or something to be overcome, then they’ll treat you like an obstacle or something to be overcome.
This is why I always teach conversation and rapport-building before flirting or humor. Because conversation and rapport-building is so much more useful and necessary. If you are capable of walking into a room and mingling with people in such a way that everybody comes away from you saying, “I like him, he’s really nice,” then you don’t have to tease or neg or banter or triple-lux backflip into a reverse qualification hoop (medium sized with a side of fries). A girl will think you’re cool. She’ll see that her friends think you’re cool. She’ll see that other people seem to think you’re cool. And when you make your move, she’ll have no reason to say no.