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Everybody is Your Friend

OK, I know I swore I was done with these PUA-related posts, but this one is kind of a tangent and I think important to touch upon. It refers to a comment to my last post, A Guide to a PUA Detox. A commenter named Jason replied with the following:

While I agree with the overall sentiment here, there are a lot of different scenarios in field where that mantra runs a vague in my eyes.

[Mixed] sets, obstacles, cock blocks, etc.

Thoughts?

I think this is a perfect example of where PUA Theory DOESN’T help and actually HURTS guys.

Just look at the words that you’re using: obstacle, cock block, mixed sets… What’s an obstacle? Her friend? Her friend is a human being. But you see her as an “obstacle” standing between you and having sex…

You know why women cock block? Because you’re seeing them as obstacles and not people!

Look, here’s the simple and fundamental truth… when you hit on a girl, all that her friends want to know about you is, “Is he a good guy or not?” If you treat the friend like a threat or an obstacle rather than a friend, then she’s going to think you’re a dick and she’s going to disapprove of you, thus becoming a cock block. But if you’re nice to her, and show her that you’re a cool guy who genuinely likes her friend, then she’s not only going to refrain from screwing up your spot, sometimes she’ll even help you.

She’ll think to herself, “Wow, this guy is really cool and seems genuine, my friend deserves a guy like that.” This happens all the time. Sure, sometimes you get the random jealous friend, but even them, you can kill them with kindness. Compliment them, befriend them and try to hook them up with a friend of yours.

As for other guys, it’s the same thing. What I’ve found is that 99% of the time, other guys who are hanging out with girls you want to meet, they only want one thing: respect and to be acknowledged. That’s why I coach guys to always acknowledge another guy first thing. And in three years, I’ve NEVER run into a significant “AMOG” situation while coaching.

You turn to the guy, say, “Hey, I’m Mark, what’s up?” Shake his hand firmly, look him in the eye, and tell him it’s nice to meet him and then ask him how he knows the girls. This shows that you 1) respect him and his friends, and 2) are acknowledging that the girls are his friends. Then maybe chat with him for a minute to show him that you’re a nice guy. Build a little rapport. That will solve 99% of your “other guy” problems before they even start. Then when you go to hit on one of the girls, first of all, you’ll have an idea if she’s available or not… but you’ll also have a new bro in your corner. Hell, maybe you can try to hook him up with her friend (who is a friend and not an obstacle).

The problem with the conventional PUA Theory is that it perceives other people in antagonistic way — it says: these are people that you’re competing with, that you have to dominate and conquer on your way to fucking the princess as if it’s Dungeon Lvl. 8 on some RPG.

People are people. And 99% of them on this planet are good people. So treat them as if they’re already your friend and they’ll act like they’re already your friend. If you treat them like they’re an obstacle, or something to be overcome, then they’ll treat you like an obstacle or something to be overcome.

This is why I always teach conversation and rapport-building before flirting or humor. Because conversation and rapport-building is so much more useful and necessary. If you are capable of walking into a room and mingling with people in such a way that everybody comes away from you saying, “I like him, he’s really nice,” then you don’t have to tease or neg or banter or triple-lux backflip into a reverse qualification hoop (medium sized with a side of fries). A girl will think you’re cool. She’ll see that her friends think you’re cool. She’ll see that other people seem to think you’re cool. And when you make your move, she’ll have no reason to say no.

Related posts:

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  2. How to Pick Up Girls at Parties
  3. The Real Post About Hot Girls
  4. Using the Correct Head
  5. Explore Your Hobbies

8 comments to Everybody is Your Friend

  • Well said! I always cringe when I read PUAs talking about meeting women like it’s some Dungeons and Dragons bullcrap. They sound like they’re 12 years olds LOL. Must avoid the warpigs cockblock attack with the 16 sided dice roll!

  • Matt T

    Entropy, I know that you have way more experience in this field than I, but I would advise caution against removing the “this is a game” mentality from pickup trainees. Honestly, if I didn’t have such a view, I probably would be too petrified to talk to girls. By telling myself that it’s just a game, I remove things like sexual neediness and outcome dependence from my mind.

    • When I read this I feel like I’m hearing someone who says that they haven’t really removed their neediness and outcome attachment, and that ‘playing a game’ just makes things easier. This approach is a ‘quick fix’. When will you shoot for the ‘big fix’? If you ever try to knock out the real issue, you may find it knocks out 30 other issues, including your neediness and outcome dependency (I know you wanted Mark’s opinion, but I’m hoping this may seem helpful).

  • Jon

    Matt, I think you are confusing two things. Thinking of a nightclub as a place where you are just playing around and having fun is a great attitude, so in that sense, “this is a game” is a great attitude. But, without trying to speak for Mark, I think the problem is thinking that you are playing against people, instead of with them. Think of it like throwing a frisbee around. The goal isn’t to beat your friend, it’s to have fun. Part of the fun is challenging eachother, but it’s not about getting other people to fail

  • Matt T

    Yeah, I understand what you guys are saying. Thanks.

  • jeff

    I generally agree with you about most people being friendly (and that usually is my experience), but, to play devils advocate, what about if you are one of those people that guys(not in the group you opened) will see as no threat and try to blow out. For example, doc holiday said he had alot of people try to amog him(same for saphron when he was around), while I’ve heard you say that almost never happens to you.

  • Mark

    It’s interesting you bring that up Jeff. Looking back — and you have to realize, these guys were at their peak in 2007-2008 when mentalities were a little different — I think those guys approached AMOG situations the same way as the commenter above — in an adversarial way. Saffron used to literally box guys out of sets with his body and Doc… well, let’s just say there were 1-2 times where he would have gotten his face beat in if I hadn’t stepped in.

    Since then, I’ve worked with tons of shorter/smaller guys who have done great in sets with other guys, and really it just comes down to 1) acknowledging them and 2) how bro-bro you can be with them in a short amount of time (which really isn’t very hard).

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