For whatever reason, this industry attracts a lot of gossip about its so-called gurus. You see it on forums, at conferences, in interviews; whether this coach can pull girls from night clubs, whether this coach gets hot girls, how many lays this coach has, etc.
I’ve never understood this. And I still don’t. Yes, it was quite disillusioning when I began coaching and met a lot of other people in the industry and realized that many of the “gurus” I had looked up to weren’t nearly as good as I had thought. But honestly, I don’t think it . . . → Read More: Successful People Never Imitate
When it comes to pick up theory and men’s dating advice, a lot of it falls back on evolutionary theory and evolutionary psychology to look for guidance. This is where you get the typical waning about dominance, social status and hierarchy, gender attraction and of course, the elusive alpha male.
But there are three logical fallacies that, to my knowledge, every single pick up site and dating coach falls victim to at one point or another. You see them everywhere. And they can lead to some really damaging beliefs about sex and women. I myself fell into these . . . → Read More: Female Fallacies
Received an email from a reader yesterday that I decided to answer publicly:
“I wanted to ask you about the ethics of being a player, because I really don’t want to go around breaking hearts, deliberately or not? How do you deal with this? I know you talk a lot about how woman tend to become emotionally attached to the men they sleep with. Are you explicitly up front with the woman you only want to have sex with, or do you just drop subtle hints? Basically, is there a way to manage their expectations? I’d like to be . . . → Read More: The Ethics of Being a Player
Is monogamy screwed?
My current view on monogamy is neither here nor there. I outright reject the conventional notion of soulmates/one-true-love/lifelong monogamy/live-happily-ever-after/etc. I don’t think it’s impossible, I just think it’s exceedingly rare and we’re not biologically pre-disposed to it. But at the same time, I don’t buy into the theses presented by books such as “Sex at Dawn” which aim to herald in some sort of neo-polygamist utopia and proclaim that humans are not only not monogamous in any way whatsoever, but that monogamy is purely a social construct for the purpose of controlling the masses, etc. Again, . . . → Read More: Conventional Monogamy in Trouble
This story has been making the rounds. Old school pick up artist Gunwitch was arrested a few days ago for shooting a 20-year-old woman in the face at a New Year’s Eve party. Reports are that she survived but I imagine is pretty deformed.
Gunwitch is most famous for having his own chapter in The Game and being one of the first proponents of being upfront and direct with women. His favorite motto was, “Make the ho say no.” His personality was regularly a feature on the Barry Kirkey Show years ago, where he came off as an . . . → Read More: Pick Up Artist Shoots a Woman in the Face
In this industry, it’s common to hear accusations of rampant infidelity referenced in support for the futility of monogamy or any sort of long-term committed relationship. Although the statistics about divorce and infidelity are a bit jarring, and definitely contradict the traditional narrative of fall in love, get married, live happily ever after, I do think guys blow cheating and non-monogamy out of proportion.
I spent a few hours recently researching statistics and studies on infidelity and cheating, and the results are quite varied. Part of this has to do with time period (cheating is becoming more common . . . → Read More: Infidelity Statistics
Would you date her?
This question came up a few weeks ago when I was hanging out with one of my childhood friends in Bali. What began as a conversation about his ex-girlfriend turned into a conversation about jealousy. He’s a pretty jealous guy and a possessive boyfriend. I’m typically at the other end of the spectrum — not jealous to the point that many of the girls that I’ve dated have wished that I was.
We couldn’t see eye to eye. I perceived his jealousy to be nothing more than insecurity. He perceived my lack of jealousy . . . → Read More: Would You Date a Porn Star?
Sex and relationships intersect with ethics quite often. This is a complicated issue and as a result, the discussion that’s taken place on this site over the years is quite long and in-depth. The basic issue is this: is having sex with someone when it may have negative repercussions on their life (they’re married, they’re drunk, etc.) always wrong? Is there a line that you can cross? If so, where is it?
The discussion is set up with a story from one of my night’s out in May 2008.
It was a friend’s birthday last night, so . . . → Read More: Ethics: Bride at Her Bachelorette Party