I got a little bit carried away on the forum tonight in a thread on “inner game.” The more I learn and understand about psychology, the more I realize how horribly “inner game” has been short-changed in this industry and… well, I kind of got on a roll. I’ll post my two replies unedited below. If you’re interested in context you can find the original thread here.
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I won’t get into it right now because I’d like to develop a very serious Inner Game-type program next year based on psychological research as well as theory… but . . . → Read More: Thoughts on Inner Game
Time to address my new pet peeve in all pick up related discussions: the ubiquitous 10-scale. Every time I hear or read the words, “She was at least an 8,” I cringe and I immediately find it harder to take the person seriously. Now I admit, I used it myself for a long time. But over the years I gradually came to the conclusion to drop the scale completely, for reasons both varied and not altogether obvious. Let’s break it down.
Why Guys Use the 10-Scale
The 10-scale has harmless beginnings. Guys — people, rather — enjoy rating and . . . → Read More: The Toxic 10-Scale
We all need validation.
This is a big misconception that gets passed through the self help industry, and consequently the pick up industry as well: that you should never seek validation and that you should only be validated by yourself or your own actions.
It’s a nice thought. But not very realistic. As humans we’re wired to always seek validation from somewhere, and we need a steady stream of some sort of validation to remain emotionally healthy. It’s just a question of where and how we get it.
A subtle yet important difference I always try . . . → Read More: On Validation
A woman’s attraction for you is based on your identity. It’s not what you say or even what you do, but what you stand for, what you represent, what you embody. What you say and do should be an extension of what you embody. In and of themselves, the words and actions are nothing. As I say in my book: don’t say something attractive, be something attractive.
What makes up a man’s identity? It’s your beliefs, your values, your passions, your relationships. It’s what you have chosen in your life to define yourself. If you’re a lazy, self-loathing, . . . → Read More: It’s Your Identity, Stupid
Received an excellent question through email the other day. Reads as follows:
First off – kudos on the new book. It’s the first and only “pickup” literature I’ve ever purchased and it was great read. The problem I’m having though is with the application of the core concept that you find most important in getting better with women and having rewarding relationships – vulnerability. I’m OK with women in terms of getting them into bed but find it impossible to find any deep emotional connection with them which is why i purchased your book.
What I’m finding . . . → Read More: The Pain Period
The label “seduction science” is tossed around pretty liberally and it makes me cringe a little bit every time I see it. There’s little to no science behind what gets passed off as such in this industry. In fact, by its very definition, seduction is a subjective activity (or inter-subjective activity if you want to get fancy) and therefore it’s impossible to control for any single variable and impossible to make any sort of significant objective measurements.
Every woman is unique and therefore it’s impossible to run a controlled experiment. Not to mention every GUY is unique as . . . → Read More: The Placebo Effect
Below is an excerpt of my new book Models: A Comprehensive Guide to Attracting Women. This is a section is the opening section of Chapter 3: Power in Vulnerability. If you enjoy this, please consider purchasing the book here.
When most men hear the word “vulnerability,” their immediate reaction is to associate it with weakness. In general, men are raised to withhold their emotions, to not show weakness, and to ignore any hint of introspection. On top of that, most of the popular pick up advice out there encourages guys to be aloof, stand-offish, judgmental and at times scathing . . . → Read More: Power in Vulnerability
Below is an excerpt of my new book Models: A Comprehensive Guide to Attracting Women. This is the opening section of Chapter 10: What Are Your Stories? If you enjoy this, please consider purchasing the book here.
I parked my car in front of the gym and immediately popped my iPod headphones into my ears. As I get out and walk across the parking lot I catch a glimpse of a slender figure walking toward the door from another angle. I look over. She’s hot.
We catch eyes and hold. She looks away, but only after holding my gaze . . . → Read More: What Are Your Stories?
For whatever reason, this industry attracts a lot of gossip about its so-called gurus. You see it on forums, at conferences, in interviews; whether this coach can pull girls from night clubs, whether this coach gets hot girls, how many lays this coach has, etc.
I’ve never understood this. And I still don’t. Yes, it was quite disillusioning when I began coaching and met a lot of other people in the industry and realized that many of the “gurus” I had looked up to weren’t nearly as good as I had thought. But honestly, I don’t think it . . . → Read More: Successful People Never Imitate
A while back, a couple guys asked me if I could write some of my beliefs and mentalities when it came to women. I don’t claim to be the best guy with women ever. And I definitely don’t claim to be the most emotionally healthy guy walking around. In fact, I still have some lingering beliefs and thought-patterns that I’m still trying to uproot myself.
But I do know that I’ve come a long way in developing some very helpful mindsets. And I also know that I came to this stuff with a lot of helpful beliefs and . . . → Read More: My Beliefs and Mindsets